Teenage Blur Agent

P.E.O.P.L.E.

2007-12-16T20:52:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Today, I'm gonna blog about PEOPLE..
oh yes, PEOPLE.. get it? P.E.O.P.L.E.
PEOPLE

I've been observing and realise the ugly humans and the weird kiddos.

Letz talk abt ugly humans first. I dont mean literally ugly as in with the need-a-makeover look.
BUT ugly in terms of the personality..
they're not just ugly personality
BUT rotten ones.. rotten stinking ones..

PERSON 1
It so happened that I was on the way home with mummy.
We were in the train and there was this human (not gonna mention the race in case i've been accused of being racist)
The train reached Kallang or sth and then there was this old frail woman and there was this young strong healthy man..
The old frail woman was "hurriedly rushing" to the empty seat which happened to be right in front of me..
N then, that idiotic brainless guy actually rushed to that seat despite seeing that old woman.
How pathetic of him..
And then, me.. the unidentified-identity person practically stared at him..
N I really mean sharp stern stares..
He stared back at me..
So I stared back.. more stern than before..
Then I rolled my eyes and got up to give my seat to the poor lady..
Despite the fact that I'm more physically challenged as compared to that idiot..
Then, that aunty was like "Nvm.. u sit"..
n then she stared at that idiot..
I gave out a little laughter.. duh.. it was just hilarious..
Telepathy between me n that lady..
It was just simply so cool uh..
So, do u think that idiot gave the sit to the lady?
Expectedly, he didnt.. duh.. he is a shameless, emotionless jerk..

Person 2
I was at Cavana with my siblings and cousins having lunch..
We were in the midst of enjoying the mouth-watering meals before our eyes..
And then we heard a commotion..
So we stopped enjoying our respective meals and listened attentively..
We're humans so we cant help being nosy..
There was this Chinese family and they were scolding the waiter..
They persistently insisted that the food was wrong n they didnt order it..
N the poor waiter went to get the manager to clarify things..
N the manager was also scolded.. lol!!!
It was superly hilarious..
However, we didnt laugh at the moment.. we were fussing abt how rude they were and stuff and how much they're robbing us off our enjoyment for our meals..
But it seemed to be hilarious after we recalled the whole mellow drama..
The commotion was stupid actually..
It went like this..
Father: We did not order rendang.
Daughter: Yes, I didnt order rendang.
Waiter: But itz written u ordered rendang.
Father: We really did not order rendang.
Waiter: Are you sure, sir?
Daughter: I dont event like rendang.
Waiter: Ok.
*manager comes to the rescue*
Manager: What is the problem here sir?
Father: We said we did not order rendang but ur waiter insisted we did.
Waiter: Itz written here.
Daughter: I didnt order rendang. I ordered curry.
*manager n waiter looked at each other, trying to control laughter*
Manager: We dont sell curry here.
*Father puts on a surprised look*
Daughter: But just now, I ordered curry.
Manager: U probably ordered rendang but u didnt realise it.
Father: We did not know.. so we want other food.
Manager: U cant do that sir.
Father: But we didnt know.. *yag, yag, yag.. yada yada yada*
Manager: Ok sir..
This family of ugly, attention-seeking humans.. Like come on.. ure stupid enough to not realise u ordered rendang when they dont even sell it, morons! Just live with it n finish up the food u wrongly ordered n dont make a fuss.. They're still food after all, idiotz! Humans like u make many not choose waitressing as a job. Geddit?

Now, letz move on to weird kiddos..

KIDDO 1
She seemed to be really amused with the sink at KFC..
She was draining out the water from the tap like it was nobody's business..
Enjoying every single moment, "cleaning up" the sink..
Seems like she would get "sink-cleaning" as her future job..
Thatz so inspirational, my dear girl..
And then, she turned around and saw a long queue behind her waiting patiently to wash our hands, tho we felt like dumping her into the bin or flushing her down the toilet bowl..
Since I was right behind her, I just signalled to her to get lost with my eyes..
And then, know wad she did?
She ignored me and the long queue and continued with the sink-washing job she was definitely proud of.. Sweetheart, u do NOT ignore this lady here..
And then...
Me: ERHEM!!!
Girl: *looks at me n ignored*
Me: my dear, could u please go away caz there is a long queue of eager ppl who r PATIENTLY WAITING to wash our hands
Girl: *ignores*
Me: Can u freaking get lost now!?
Girl: *ignores*
Me: * went to the sink n ignored her there n washed my hands*
Surprisingly, the rest did the same. The girl was annoyed and went away.. lol!!!
Seriously, all these spoil brats.. Parents, please teach them some manners and give them something more benefitial to do rather than some jobs u obviously dont want them to have in the future..

KIDDO 2
One fine day.. at the HPB school dental..
Boy: Mummy! Mummy! I dont want!
Mum: Stay still. Itz not painful. Just for awhile.
Boy: Mummy! Aaaaaaaaaaaa! Pain, mummy! U dont know the pain mummy!
Mum: I know..
Boy: U dont know the pain mummy.. Aaaaaaaaa mummy!!!!!!
Me n my mum just looked at each other n wanted to laugh.. Poor boy.. but come on.. the dentist wont murder u with those instruments.. so, hush before my dentist accidentally murdered me just caz she was disturbly shocked from ur consistent screamings..

2007-11-28T10:14:00.001+08:00

Your results:
You are Supergirl

Supergirl		95%
Superman		85%
Wonder Woman		80%
Green Lantern		80%
Spider-Man		55%
Hulk		50%
The Flash		50%
Robin		47%
Iron Man		40%
Batman		35%
Catwoman		20%

Lean, muscular and feminine.
Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

2007-11-14T19:42:00.000+08:00

Aku nak blog lagi. oh yes.. bukan pasal nak megutuk saper2 uh. tapi kalau terasa, sendiri feeling2 uh.. tk yah kasi org lain feeling2. tk kuasa.

FIRSTLY: the title "BUDAK MADRASAH"
aku mengaku ada yang baik dan insya'Allah masa depan cerah. tapi aku leh kata yg RAMAI jugek yg gi madrasah tapi kalau pat luar mcm setan. yes, n to crap to those yg cakap budak madrasah lebih baik drpd budak secular. one word -> GELI!!!! braper ramai budak secular yg berlipat ganda lebih baik lah sey.. seriously.. aku tk ckp aku one of them k.. so jgn nk anyhow kata aku prasan.

SECONDLY: the title "minah tudung"
aku tak leh tahan dengan minah2 yg bertudung yg mencemar nama baik mereka yg bertudung dan berakhlak baik. seriously lah sey.. n seriosly.. tudung is not a trend k. this note is especially to those minah tudung idiots who take is a trend..

1stly: when u wear tudung.. u freaking needa cover ur boobs lah sey.. seriously, dont show off ur boobs lah u bloody sluts..

2ndly: when u wear tudung, u dont wrap it all around ur head like some idiots who dont know how to use toilet papers in the cartoons.. u dont show off ur ear-rings caz indirectly, ure showing off ur ears n hence, ur hair. USE UR BRAIN! buat apa Allah kasi otak seh kalau korang tk tau gunakan. nak aku ajar korang? boleh, anytime, anywhere.. as long u happy, i happy, everybody happy ending..

3rdly: minah2 tudung, inclusive of budak madrasah who pakai tudung or together with baju madrasah n do premarital sex n record them. BODOH LAH SEY! dah tak sabar tunggu time akhirat ke per nak kasi org tgk kelakukan jijik korang yg diibaratkan seperti binatan? nanti pat akhirat kitorang leh tgk lah sey.. tv besar lagi. so korang leh relax.. tk yah nak record2 ni sumer. hmph! JIJIK!

korang ehk.. nampak dan dengar tak orang2 yg tidak bertudung yg mengata ttg mereka yg bertudung? wanita yg bertudung.. diibaratkan seperti contoh kepada sesetengah yg tidak bertudung untuk mendorong mereka untuk bertudung. jaga lah akhlak. kalau akhlak dah tak leh jaga dan dah mcm binatang, itu tudung leh buka. pui! memalukan Islam lah seh! geram aku!

2007-11-14T18:27:00.000+08:00

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

I was doing my hadis project. aha yes.. I practically completed it. N guess what happened next.. nope.. not my pc/laptop broke down.. nope.. i didnt do the wrong topic.. what happened was i called my friend to clarify with her whether there was any tafsir project.. n from there, i came to know that there isnt any hadis project too.. Grrrr.. Can u imagine how devastated I was? Sheesh..

I didnt know abt the cancellation of the project caz I hadnt attended PERGAS due to Os.. Grrrrr...

I was listening to the song from Newboyz which I used to like and still like.. lol.. yes, i was a fan of theirs. N i still do listen to their songs. I like their songs, not them. Itz the same as me like britney's songs, not her. lol.

I actually like Newboyz songs such as "Andainya Kau Terima", "Khilaf", "Hiasan Di Laman Rindu", "Lerai Genggamanku", "Qyiam", "Rajuk Di Hati", "Meraung".. yes.. all sad songs.. dont know y but i do find d pleasure in listening to sad songs. i'm not referring to the sexual pleasures.. just pleasure as in bring happiness. I'm nt mobid or indifferent, i'm just what u call unique. Muah!

2007-10-31T16:58:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh..

Today, I'm gonna blog about something which caught my attention. The question that keeps getting me ponder on is "Moden Muslims or Murtads?". Yes, i don't haf a good explaination for these thoughts n i'm aware that itz a big issue that needs immediate attentions. N this entry isn't focused on anyone. It has been moderated n generalised a lot.

I have Muslim friends all over the world who aren't Singaporeans, Malaysians or Arabs only. Yes, they come from all over the world.. Canadian white Muslim, Russian Muslim, Albanian Muslim, Turkish Muslim, Egyptian Muslim and many others. This entry isn't an offence to anyone but it seriously got my full attention.

Firstly, I realise that there are wrong practices in certain countries like Italy. I have an Italian friend who seemed really interested in knowing more abt Islam. He looks up to me to learn more. I told him i'm dhaif n he should look for someone who can explain Islamic doubts better. But well, I did help him here and there, more or less so that he'll at least have d faintest idea about the beauty of Islam.

My Italian friend is a Catholic who is ignorant of his own religion. He is looking for the answers to believing in the right religion. In Italy, they do learn about Islam in school. Oh yes they do. But the thing that worries me is that the teachers teaching Islam there are Catholics. That sounds very wrong, doesn't it. N then, he clarified some doubts with me and he got his facts all wrong which is very sad. The facts can sorta cause one think badly of Islam. Really. Can u imagine a Catholic teaching Islam? thatz so wrong. itz just like a Muslim teaching Catholism. get what i mean?

I have some friends from other spots of the world. The thing that worried me is that they either don't practice Islam due to no interest or some due to not knowing how.. or they have the wrong facts. Oh yes.. the popular of all is the issue on Muslim marriages. This statement is so popular among them "Muslim guys can get married to a non-Muslim girl without having the girl to convert". From what I've learnt, this is HARAM caz no matter what, the non-Muslim girl MUST convert. Anyway, this goes the same way to the Muslim girls who wanna marry a non-Muslim guy. The non-Muslim partner must convert to Islam. Many of them aren't aware of the significance of converting. It really saddens n worries me a lot.

Muslims who drink or doing pre-marital sex. It isn't something rare anymore. Moreover u can't say those ppl from other countries do that n Singaporeans don't. Caz well, i'm sure u ppl would've noticed the tremendous increase in the rate of pregnant young Muslim girls and also the high rate of abortions which is increasing tremendously by young Muslim girls too. They've committed the first sin of doing pre-marital sex and they did the second sin of aborting the poor innocent foetus. Where is the humanity? That child deserves to live. Haiz.. Spare a thought please. I'm not bringing up other religions caz it isn't in my position to talk abt it. So, I'm talking abt the Muslims. My dearest Muslim brothers and sisters. Spare a thought please. This is a huge worry and needs immediate attention. Ponder on it. Yes, PONDER on it caz u might never know ure one of them who needs help. At least, make the effort to seek some help. Go to the mosque and seek for some guidance from the religious teachers or something. Don't just sit there and let it sink in. U might never know how much u really need to seek these knowledges. At least, think about the guidance towards the path of jannah.

And about those who drink. This is so common nowadays. In fact, way too common. Oh yes. I'm not trying to lure anyone into thinking so negatively of Islam. I'm saying this caz one of my cousins drink too. I have friends who drink too. n yes, they are Muslims. Don't get me wrong.. I know these people caz they are my friends. I'm not badly influenced anyway. Alhamdulillah.

I'm greatly impressed with a Canadian friend. he changed tremendously. yes.. taubatan nasuha. Now, he solat, fast, practice Islam. Alhamdulillah. Moreover, he was not like that. But he changed. In fact, he changed a lot.. tremendously. It teared me. Yes, up to that extent. It was really touching. Alhamdulillah. I am really proud of him. He put in the effort. & Alhamdulillah my prayers were granted by Allah. Alhamdulillah. Allah gave him taufik n hidayah. Alhamdulillah.

N lastly, i strongly believe that religious teachers and other da'i need to go to other countries too to dakwah. They shouldn't be constricted to da'wah in their respective countries only. There are many other countries that need our kindest attention. Would u let ur Muslim brothers n sisters just fall into the grasp of people who have bad intentions of corrupting their beliefs in Islam and pulling them towards the other religions? Would u let them fall? I'm sure u won't. So, u gotta play ur part in pulling them out of the grasp and guide them. Insya'Allah ur good attentions won't be put to waste. Don't be selfish. U wanna go jannah, so do others.. Helping one another isn't a chore but a bliss especially if u're successful. Masya'Allah. Yes, it requires a lot of money to dakwah overseas n ladidadida.. Insya'Allah we can.. Like perhaps.. the mosques in Singapore should collaborate in collecting funds. Much more can be done. United we stand, divided we fall. N none of us want Islam to fall.. I'm sure of that. So, we can do it, ppl! Woohoo!

I gotta end this here. Wabillahi taufik wal hidayah wassalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh.

2007-10-10T00:45:00.000+08:00

The princess says..

I was chatting with a friend and he sent me a link.. These videos are so hilarious that the jokes are still fresh in my mind.. "FONE JACKER".. thatz the name of the videos. I can tell that it was obviously one of the tv programmes of a country. The videos are so hilarious and they are actually real prank calls so the receiver had totally no idea of the intended call. I recommend my fellow dear ones to actually watch it. Seriously, go watch them.

N these videos reminded me of the jokes in "Bujang Lapok" movies which were random and very hilarious..

2007-10-09T00:03:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Oh man.. I'm tired.. yes really tired.. n I studied chemistry.. adds up to the exhaustion. In fact, I still am studying. Taking a break at the moment. My brain doesn't seem to be functioning well. Time check: 00:04. Argh!!! I need my beauty sleep. Oh yes, the princess needs her beauty sleep. Hmm.. i found my cinderella blogskin!!! the princess is in the house, ppl! BOW TO ME!

Apa kes ni puasa-puasa lagik

2007-09-19T23:34:00.000+08:00

Ramai org dah tag-menge-tag pasal puasa except aku sorang. Jadi aku pon nk ckp pasal puasa ler..

Gi skolah ada yg tak puasa.. biasa ler tu.. Ada siap ngan bawak air botol untuk menghilangkan dahaga. Dah bawak air botol.. ada siap ngan minum depan yg berpuasa. Apa case seh puasa-puasa.. Aku tau lah all-girls school tapi at least hormat uh sikit. Sikit pon takper.. drpd tk hormat langsong lah kan.. Abeh kalau dah tk puasa tu.. tk yah lah ni bilang satu dunia yg korang nk gi makan pat canteen. Lyk seriously.. Kalau tk hormat ramadhan atau org yg berpuasa, at least hormatilah diri sendiri. Tak tau malu ke per.. Ish ish ish.. And plez uh.. kita takmo amek tau kau dtg bulan ke tk.. seriously..

Abeh ada mamat pat bugis village minum air.. cantik.. Ice blended lagi.. best uh.. Kita yg berpuasa tgk.. wah best.. Slamat iman tu maseh ada.. fuh!

And to the non-Muslims, PLEASE (i'm pleading).. DO NOT HAVE UR DINNER WHEN THE MUSLIMS ARE BREAKING OUR FAST. be considerate can.. Imagine urself being us.. so hungry n thirsty and we had to WAIT for u to finish ur meal.. poor thing right..? i know it kinda sound pathetic but seriously.. don't misunderstand uh but we Muslims really need ur consideration. I mean u can like have ur meals EARLIER or perhaps in non-halal restaurants. Just don't go to halal restaurants during our breaking of fast.. if u want to, go earlier or later. i mean u had ur lunch n u can tahan what.. we hadn't had lunch or breakfast u c.. worse can..

Anyway, thatz all I'm gonna blog abt. the time nw is 5 mins to 12 midnight.. yawnz!

2007-09-06T15:36:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Well, I don't know what the hell I'm blogging when I'm supposed to be studying. Boredom-struck.. tsk2.. things are gr8 so far.. Loving life with my loved ones.. Tho I've been really stressed up lately.. Not enough sleep and stuff.. really exhausted too.. I'm just freaking bored today.. Therefore, decided to study. SO SICK of studying n itz only Prelims. Itz not even Os yet.. waddaheck! Sick of studying -> got me thinking.. should i got to JC or Poly? lol.. ah well, JC is my choice caz itz d safest route to uni. Moreover, i'm sick of travelling. Therefore, i hafta get to MJC! *prays hard* My health doesn't allow me to travel much. Suffered the long distance ot travelling to n from TKGS.. ah well..

Life's really gr8 loving R*** N*****.. lol.. many said.. he's 11 yrs older than u, farz! n i was like.. "does it matter?".. caz it doesn't.. if he's my jodoh, then what can i say? i'm not saying he IS my jodoh.. but, IF he's my jodoh.. then YAY! lol.. oopz.. i mean Alhamdulillah..

ee aper ni farz merepek.. kay nvm.. forget it..

2007-08-16T20:26:00.000+08:00

i've been telling myself this in order for me to reach greater heights in life..

"itz hard for u to go through life n education with ur illness but prove to everyone that even though u're ill, u're capable too. others manage to go to school often unlike u. when u lag behind, u gotta pull urself forward. remember Allah n he'll help u. strive harder since u need to. u need to strive 10 times more compared to ur other friends. have faith in urself n God. insya'Allah u'll pull through in the end. success lies in ur hands, not others. it requires undying sheer determination. if u fall down, pick urself up, don't wait for anyone to help u up. waiting won't aid u in any way. do things urself. be independent caz u are capable to succeed like others. what u want lies in ur heart, u decide what u want in life, who u wanna be. others won't. take failures as a challenge for u to build up ur spirit n do better in life, not as a steep slope that cause u to gradually decline. Allah is there for u. Have faith. u determinely try but if success is not given to u, Allah knows best. Allah knows whatz best for u"

Demi Kasih Sayang - Siti Nurhaliza

2007-07-20T13:30:00.000+08:00

I was listening to these songs.. Tho some are lyk decades already.. But I lurve 'em okay.. ever since they were fers broadcasted.. they haf this "WOW" meaning in it.. Prolly caz I'm in these kinda mood too.. veh emo i noe.. but can't help feeling it.. newayz, moreover caz she's a fantabulous singer, derefore, she can wonderfully evoke dis feeling of emo-ness u c..

2007-07-16T23:08:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum Warrahmatullahi Ta'ala Wabarakatuh..

Itz been three nights I was hoping he would appear online or at least message me.. sorta three nights looking for him.. n for three nights my heart felt so lonely.. tsk.. 3 malam ku mencarimu??? 3 malam hatiku sunyi??? i'm into this song?? actually, wad i juz typed really happened n is happening..

Absence makes d heart grow fonder? Betcha haf heard of dat.. juz feeling really down at the moment.. Missing someone so much it hurts real bad. I don't know why the sudden.. For the past 3 nights, I couldn't do anything about it. I'm too shy to tell him that I actually missed him so much.. He used to be online almost all d tym but now, he isn't online at all. N i'm this idiot hu can't do anything. yeh, totally nth. I can juz sit here in my room, attempting to study sumting budden, reality check.. my heart isn't at ease so howta expect my mind to be at peace? i juz miss him real bad.. so bad it hurts.. y am i feeling this? ironically, we're not even together.. tsk.. me n my smart decision not to get involved in all these, thinking i'll b d most successful moron not to like anyone and only devote myself to my religion, family n studies? Reality check, i am still thinking abt him. yeh.. sheeshness.. it hurts kay.. i miss him.. shows how much i like him. cud it be more than that? haha.. wadever.. i'm typing all these to let out all d hurts deep within. i didn't show it but i definitely cannot stop feeling it. dese intense pressure of trying to focus on my studies, get him outta my mind and also not stressing up myself at d same time. howz dat gonna happen? honestly, it never happened.. i've never been d successful moron i thought i'd be.. not lyking anyone? n honest joke!!! yeh caz i do lyk sum1. itz been since last yr.. can't help feeling it but me n my stupidity.. i juz kept it all inside. reality check, itz not juz a crush!!! grr!!!

Itz a freaking idiotic joke that I actually tried to make him hate me by being a bitch towards him. all those harshness n belligerence??? possible-not! i msged or typed to him on msn all those hurtful stuff but sumting he never knew, i cried okay while doing all those. i'm not as heartless as he thought i m.. i'm very heartful.. uhuh.. when he told me he was working sumwhere near d mrt station i always alighted to go to sch, i was looking forward towards it but i zipped up. i was scared.. for sum reasons.. i was really scared if he knew the truth.. TOTALLY!!!

another freaking idiotic joke! msged him dumb stuff lyk why's malay LC so tricky? wad kinda crap is dat? i'm laughing at myself really hard! itz lyk obvious-much caz itz LC.. so ya, listen n comprehend. farz, u're d biggest idiot u ever noe of.. honestly, i juz wanted to hear from him.. juz wanted to get a reply.. juz miss his msges real bad.. actually, miss him.. uhuh.. i didn't care how hurtful his reply wud be as long as i got a reply. n boy was i so happy! i cud haf jumped! budden, muz maintain.. tsk.

i practically sent so many ppl gdnyt msges so dat i cud send him too.. n itz lyk obvious-much i wanted to send it to him only.. i was honest enough to send to many ppl so dat i wasn't lying caz i stated things lyk "gdnyte to EVERYONE" n oso "U PPL".. tsk. i feel so loser. lyk come on uh, if u really lyk sum1, u'll do d moz ridiculous things on earth. yeh.

when i c him, my heart doesn't only skip a beat. it skips beats. i cud haf fainted as i didn't get enough oxygenated blood pumped to my heart! itz not only when i c him.. itz oso when he msges me n i'll juz go omg! yay! but obviously i didn't show it.. muz maintain uh..

nw, dere's lyk no news from him. n i was thinking if he's all right. budden, in case he was busy so i dun wanna bother him. moreover, itz his last yr in .. so ya..

i haf dis big problem of being really scared n shy when it comes to him. i tremble when i get his msg, reply his msg, chatting to him.. i seriously tremble.. n i'll haf dis adrenaline rush which juz goes whoosh! duh-much!

in d midst of all these so-called dramatic life, i didn't 4get my one n only creator, Allah. prayed to him umpteen tyms to release all these tensions, get myself at ease n dat if we're meant to be then yay (i obviously didn't use yay when i prayed) n if we're not meant to be then, matchmake me with sum1 better..

i hope one day i can really meet him up n talk.. tho i noe i wud prolly turn him down agn caz of my fear.. Ya Allah, show sum miracle.

Another big problem is dat i haf 2 guyz hu confess to me over n over agn. it makes me mad n i really showed that i was mad.. duh.. wudn't u if u rejected dem over n over agn n dey wudn't juz give up.. so annoying-much! reality check, i'm not interested in u, go find sum1 else.. budden, i obviously didn't say dat. i gave VALID reasons.. mark d valid. i wanna focus on my studies n datz a TRUTH! n another truth which i'm really scared to mention is dat my heart is sumwhere else tho itz not yet with sum1 else but at least, itz sumwhere else. At least, I'm not dragging those 2 guyz along.. i ain't dat kinda bitch.. if i were to be a bitch, i'll be a respectable one n die with honour.. Divined bitch? lol.

I suppose I shud end here n i really hope the particular sum1 reads dis.. I'm not gg to tell him i update my blog. i guess he'll give d kinda response which makes me pissed lyk "i m not bothered". tsk. so ya, if he can be bothered or at least cares, he wud read. i actually tried to find sum tym to type dis whole thing caz i juz needa express how I really feel. If his heart belongs to sum1 else, I wud really appreciate if he tell me d truth. I noe it hurtz but datz part of lyf. Dere's ups n downs.

n plus, i wud understand that he cannot accept me n d fact that my health isn't improving n i haf to go for surgery for every 3 mths. which guy wants? NO GUY. reality check. moreover, i wudn't wanna destroy other's life juz caz i'm not as capable. i believe in if d guy really loves me wholeheartedly, he wud accept me at any means. aww.. datz sweet isn't it.

Acknowledging Mel. Tan. thx for d get well gift n card.. i appreciate them lotz. dere's no cure for my illness but dat was definitely a cure for my spirit. thx. luv u lotz my fren.

Gotta end here.. so tired..

Wabillahitaufik walhidayah wassalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

2007-06-24T13:58:00.000+08:00

The song dat brings tears to d eyes. Tym to repent. N it starts from now..

2007-05-27T18:56:00.000+08:00

WHERE'S THE RESPECT FOR WOMEN? Following is an article taken from Berita Harian..

MAT REMPIT RAKAM DENGAN TELEFON BIMBIT AKSI MENCABUL GADIS KUALA LUMPUR:

Selepas sekian lama nama buruk kumpulan Mat Rempit tidak kedengaran, golongan itu sekali lagi tampil dengan aksi keterlaluan apabila merakam aksi melampau ketika mencabul seorang gadis bertudung menggunakan telefon bimbit.

Lebih biadab, rakaman itu disebarkan pula sesama mereka, sebelum turut diperoleh orang lain.
Seorang penuntut institusi pengajian tinggi awam, Encik Mohd Aidil Mohd Rosley, 20 tahun, berkata klip video dirakam dengan telefon bimbit berkamera itu diterimanya daripada seorang rakan.
Menurutnya, klip video terbaru itu dianggap menyedihkan terutama apabila ia membabitkan remaja perempuan Melayu.

'Hasil penelitian, rakaman selama 4 minit 36 saat itu menunjukkan seorang gadis bertudung yang berseluar panjang dan berbaju-T hitam lengan panjang cuba dicabul di kawasan semak oleh sekurang-kurangnya tiga lelaki.

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LELAKI TERLEPAS DARI TALI GANTUNG

ALOR STAR: Seorang lelaki yang menghadapi hukuman mati bagi tuduhan membunuh dan merogol seorang kanak-kanak perempuan pada 2002, kelmarin terlepas daripada tali gantung selepas pendakwa meminda pertuduhan terhadapnya.

Khairul Anuar Ineleyes, 28 tahun, mengaku bersalah terhadap tuduhan pindaan iaitu menculik supaya mangsa dibunuh ketika prosiding di Mahkamah Tinggi di sini.

Berikutan itu, Pesuruhjaya Kehakiman Datuk Mohd Sofian Abdul Razak, menjatuh kan hukuman penjara 15 tahun bermula tarikh dia ditangkap pada 2 November 2002 dan tiga sebatan.

Pada 25 November 2002, tertuduh menghadapi dua tuduhan berasingan iaitu mengikut Seksyen 302 Kanun Keseksaan kerana membunuh Siti Nur Liyana Shamimi Rosdi ketika itu berusia setahun 11 bulan dan Seksyen 376 kanun sama kerana merogol mangsa.

Dia didakwa melakukan perbuatan itu di kawasan lapang belakang Taman Rakyat, Mergong di sini antara 10.30 malam, 30 Oktober dengan 10 pagi, 1 November 2002.

Bagi tuduhan itu, dia boleh dihukum gantung mandatori mengikut Seksyen 302 dan penjara maksimum 20 tahun dan tidak kurang enam sebatan bagi Seksyen 376.

Kelmarin, sebaik prosiding bermula, Timbalan Pendakwa Raya, Encik Murtazadi Amran, memaklumkan pendakwa bersetuju meminda pertuduhan.

Hukuman bagi seksyen pindaan itu ialah mati atau penjara maksimum 20 tahun atau disebat. - BHM.

'Rakaman awal menunjukkan Mat Rempit terbabit rakus meraba tubuh gadis itu yang masih berpakaian sambil mangsa berulang kali merayu supaya dilepaskan,' katanya.

Rakaman seterusnya menunjukkan Mat Rempit terbabit mula menggunakan kekerasan dengan memegang per gelangan tangan gadis itu, sementara rakan mereka yang lain cuba membuka tali pinggang dan seluar mangsa. 'Mangsa yang diasak dari serata arah oleh kumpulan Mat Rempit terbabit akhirnya gagal mempertahankan diri sebelum seluar dan bajunya ditanggalkan.

'Tambah menyedihkan apabila mangsa terus diraba dan dicabul sesuka hati,' katanya.

Penganalisis jenayah terkenal, Encik Kamal Affendi Hashim, berkata pelaku jenayah terbabit boleh didakwa kerana mencabul kehormatan dan boleh dikenakan hukuman penjara maksimum 10 tahun atau denda atau sebatan. - Harian Metro.

2007-05-26T16:15:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh. Hari ini, saya cuma mahu mengenangkan serikandi-serikandi Islam yang sangat saya hormati dan merekalah idola saya.

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Rabiatul Adawiyah
Engkau bermula dengan sengsara
Dalam mencari bahagia
Terasa bagai bayang-bayang
Gelap walau disuluh cahaya

Pepasir pantai pun berubah
Pabila hakikat melanda
Ketenangan yang kau cari
Terpancar di lorong sufi

Kau hiasa rumah kasih abadi
Serik menghiasi singgahsanaMu
Kau berjaya merubah segala
Kasih semalam menjadi esok

Kelunakan tangisan kasihmu
Dalam simpuhan ketaatan
Bagi mengharapkan keredhaan
DariMu Tuhan pencipta alam

Rabiatul Adawiyah
Serikandi yang tercipta
Sungguh agung pengabdianmu
Kau berjaya menjadi iktibar

Asmaramu dihampar suci
Pintalan dari awanan putih
Membuahkan titisan rahmat
Menyuburkan mawar yang layu

Namamu menjadi sanjungan
Ikutan ummah sepanjang zaman
Ayuh bersama kita susuli
Perjalanan kekasih Allah

Rabiatul Adawiyah
Serikandi yang tercipta
Sungguh agung pengabdianmu
Kau berjaya menjadi iktibar

Asmaramu dihampar suci
Pintalan dari awanan putih
Membuahkan titisan rahmat
Menyuburkan mawar yang layu

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Ratu Syahadah
Engkaulah permaisuri di mahligai tirani
Teguh imanmu walau tersembunyi
Kasihmu kau buktikan sebagai isteri
Namun cintamu untuk Illahi

Engkau masih isteri yang sejati
Ketika suami dimurka Allah
Istana bukan penjara nikmat yang alpa
Sinar imanmu tak kelam permata
Kau miliki jiwa hamba
Walau di sisimu singgahsana

Sejarah Asiah telah membuktikan
Iman bukanlah penjara di jiwa
Yang selamanya bersembunyi
Tapi kemerdekaan yang hakiki

Yang punya wajah dan jua rupa
Akhirnya imanmu bersuara
Lantas kau dipenjara dan diseksa
Oleh suamimu yang dihina

Dikejauhan istana keangkuhan
Menggamit mata sayunya di jiwa
Namun hatimu tak sudi ke sana
Iman dan aqidah lebih utama

Ratu syahadah lalu bermadah
Oh Tuhan binakan istana untukku
Walau di dunia ku disiksa
Namun tak terbayar nikmat di syurga

Oh Asiah
Kau merubah rencana
Bila tanganmu menyentuh bayi
Yang hanyut menongkah arus Sungai Nil
Lembutmu mematahkan keangkuhannya
Firaun merancang, kau menghalangnya
Musa terbuang, jadi terbilang

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Zinnirah
Hadirmu bersama kuntum senyuman
Walau dirimu hamba tawanan
Kau jadi impian firdausi
Kau jadi pingitan hiasan duniawi
Walau tak pernah melihatmu
Zinnirah

Matamu jadi taruhan
Gantian lara nilaian iman
Ayuh bersama kita susuli
Perjalanan derita ini
Terlindung sudah indahnya maya
Mata hatimu tetap menyala

Oh Zinnirah
Kau umpama bintang di malam hari
Menerangi alam dan ditemani cahaya purnama
Selaut kasih kau hamparkan untuk Illahi
Tiada sempadan dan tiada bertepi

Maamu jadi taruhan
Gantian lara nilaian iman
Ayuh bersama kita susuli
Perjalanan derita ini
Terlindung sudah indahnya maya
Mata hatimu tetap menyala

Oh Zinnirah
Kau umpama bintang di malam hari
Menerangi alam dan ditemani cahaya purnama
Cinta murni yang kau dambakan untuk Illahi
Tiada sempadan dan tiada bertepi

Oh Zinnirah
Kau serikandi sunyi bersendiri
Di medan ngeri dan bersuara sepenuh berani
Kasih suci yang kau hulurkan untuk Illahi
Menagih korban kasih abadi

Hadirmu bersama senyuman
Walau diri hamba tawanan
Kau jadi pedoman

Zinnirah
Kau gadis pilihan
Hiasan di dunia
Penyeri di firdausi

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Ainul Mardhiah
Dirimu pembakar semangat perwira
Rela berkorban demi agama
Kau jadi taruhan berjuta pemuda
Yang bakal dinobat sebagai syuhada
Itulah janji pencipta yang Esa

Engkaulah bidadari dalam syurga
Bersemayam di mahligai bahgia
Anggun gayamu wahai seorang puteri
Indahnya wajah bermandi seri
Menjadi cermin tamsilan kendiri
Untuk melakar satu wacana
Buatmu bernama wanita

Ainul Mardhiah
Kau seharum kuntuman di taman syurga
Menanti hadirnya seorang lelaki
Untuk menjadi bukti cinta sejati

Oh Tuhan
Bisakah dicari di dunia ini
Seorang wanita bak bidadari
Menghulurkan cinta setulus kasih

Ainul Mardhiah
Kau seharum kuntuman di taman syurga
Menanti hadirnya seorang lelaki
Untuk menjadi bukti cinta sejati

Oh Tuhan
Bisakah dicari di dunia ini
Seorang wanita bak bidadari
Menghulurkan cinta setulus kasih
Di hati lelaki bernama kasih

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

2007-05-24T22:29:00.000+08:00

I'm not missing you
Been through just everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don't know what I was missing or why I ain't listened
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again
Caz of my curiosity
Now that it's over
What else could it be, he just had to cheat

I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
Caz I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around
But I'm not missing you

I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
But this time it's different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing, I'm not missing you

It's a shame in a way caz I feel that
I may not ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him?
Is her right in front of my face?
Or will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on search again
When I know what the end will be
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?

No, I can't be with you caz I'm scared
Felt like I was falling when you left me
I can't keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed and the person I could be
Love's good when it's right
And when it's left in your memory
All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice for someone else's life

I'm not missing you
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
Knocking at my door
You might have had me open
But I must be going because I got life to do
It's the best day of my life

I'M NOT MISSING YOU

***Mark the red followed by the pink followed by the purple***

2007-05-20T01:58:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Once upon a tym, there was dis gurl hu really lyked dis guy. Wanted to getta noe d guy better but to her disappointment, he's not hu he turned out to be. She's speechless. She kept denying d fact dat she lyks him. So, does she really lyk him? Y does it hurt real bad when she found out he's sum1 else's? Izzit her fault for not being honest with her own feelings towards him? Or izzit his fault for not telling d truth. Well, itz nobody's caz dis is wad u call fate. Her eyes welled up with her own tears but she hid it. Once agn, she has decided. I hafta be strong n strong enough to hate guyz n make dem hate me. But is dat a gd idea? undecided. her heart shattered to tiny pieces. d guy whom she admired since long tym ago. d guy whom she thought isn't lyk any other guy caz he comments on her harshly. but she really likes it. she likes d way he comments on her n not flatters her. she likes d way he criticises her. she lyks d way he made her feel insulted. but not all hopes turn to dreams n den reality. she's happy caz he's happy. she's happy for him. she's proud of him. she appreciates him for being honest with her abt wad actually has been happening. one ting for sure, she really appreciates him but not as sum1 she admires anymore. as a fren, juz a fren.

Nampak tenang pada zahirnya
Tapi batin terseksa
Yang terguris tak nampak di mata
Yang terhiris terluka
Sesekali terbit air mata
Tahan sebak di dada

Kemanakah nak dibawa
Resah kian melanda
Di manakah hendak ku khabar
Pilu di dalam dada

Kita singgah di dunia yang sementara
Penuh tipu daya
Yang kekal di sana
Usahlah hanyut terus terlena
Kerana dunia

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

2007-05-19T18:37:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Alhamdulillah, I've been okay. Juz dat my mind hasn't been at ease. Dere's juz dis weird sensation which causes butterflies in my stomach. Itz lyk I practically kept tinking sum stuff which is lyk beyond anyone's imagination unless it really occurs dat is KIAMAT. Upon seeing d word 'KIAMAT', how do u feel? i get dose immediate goosebumps n itz really *shivers*

Actually, wad I wanna talk abt today is me being too busy n haven't got d tym to enjoy Allah's beautiful creations. I lurve d nature A LOT. I even consider staying away from d busy city, perhaps sumwhere not exactly d countryside.. perhaps, sumwhere with floras n faunas. My dream paradise! My tots: Marry a rich man whom I love and live happily ever after with him dere. Lyk awwwww... But den, sum ppl say it doesn't take sum1 rich to create a paradise. It takes unconditional love. Awww.. I want to make dat possible.. A paradise of my own, together with d person I love, with our children n parents.. AWWWW.. U dun need to go for honeymoon caz datz lyk more than honeymoon.. Awww.. N i was lyk tinking of creating out own garden together.. wah bez! den make a swing at d garden with a water fountain situated in d middle of d garden. Awww.. datz paradise on earth. wah best! n another ting, perhaps our house shud be situated on an island. fuh! bez! haha.. i seem to be overly ambitious here. Love makes d world go round.. With love, d imperfect will seem perfect. Awwww... BUT ALL THESE WILL BE MADE POSSIBLE LATER, NOT NOW. now is study, get a career den can dream abt having a paradise on earth. yay!

Moreover, I haven't been enjoying Allah's beautiful creation. N i'm sad. Perhaps, I shud take a break and go to d beach. Anyone teman me? But muz be sum1 lyk me.. Talk less, enjoy d beauty of nature more. Or else, I'll juz feel really dreadful and juz walk away, leaving u behind. seriously. I LURVE NATURE!!! i wanna migrate to switzerland and NATURE!!! yay! baq to topic, sum1, accompany me walk along d beach. so dat i wun be so lonely n u muz lurve nature as much as I do. or itz juz a waste of tym for u caz u cud haf done sumting better, kan kan kan??? haha. i'm juz missing nature so much, more than one can ever imagine. I wanna walk along d beach. N i'm not implying dat itz gonna be a romantic walk or wadsoever.. sheesh. itz gonna be a walk where u enjoy Allah's beautiful creations n oso u gotta sorta increase ur iman by appreciating dem.

Newayz, tmr's pergas exam. pray for me! thx. =)

Gotta end here. Gonna be Maghrib soon.

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

2007-05-17T20:43:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Hmm.. i changed my blog address n made it more chim-inated. Why? caz too many ppl noe abt my blog n i hafta start making it as descrete as possible. yeh. duh ryt.. my blog is supposedly a replacement for my diary, n diary=secret. tho itz not a total secret, it still can be as descrete as possible. wala!

newayz, read rahman's blog. alaz i gotta noe sum1 hu's doing wad i'm doing. as in dun look for jodoh, let jodoh come to me. if dere's jodoh, i'll be happily married. if no jodoh, i'll be happily trying to be successful in my career n oso dakwah-ing to dose ppl hu nd me. Fuh! only God noes wad i really wanna do in future. sum ppl went lyk -> u sure? u hafta look for jodoh u noe or u myt not even c dat itz ur jodoh. n i was lyk, even if i dun look for it, my parents myt end up matchmaking me to sum1. haha. i'm happy with my typical lyf n u, yes u, dun hafta tell me watta do. caz i dun want u to tell me n i juz dun lyk it. itz so rimas-ing, can. n coming baq to jodoh topic. my mum told me d exact ting. let jodoh come to u, u dun hafta look for it. pay ur fullest attention to ur studies. n i was lyk, yeh, dat was d exact ting dat kept appearing in my mind n i'm gonna do juz dat. n my beloved abg dared me to not tink abt jodoh now n be successful fers. n me, being d dun-dare-me-or-u'll-gasp person accepted d dare. moreover, itz caz i tink datz a gd idea. hmm... i lurve challenges.. *grins*

n yes, I'm paying my fullest attention to my devotion towards my religion n definitely, Allah. i'm not letting dose seytons out dere tell me to go out n haf fun. n itz lyk hello, agn, i'm a family person. n i'm a home-y person. i lurve staying in. ouh wow, i'll be a gd wife.. haha.. dun sneer!

hmmz.. noe wadz.. i was tinking abt me; study rabakz n den, get a career i want, n be successful. n den make my parents happy.. n after dat, marriage? agn, wad if i earn more than my husband? n he expects me to quit my job? hu in d world wants to lose d career u've alwayz wanted, but at d same tym, u wanna be a blessed wife.. datz a real dilemma. haha. i juz need an understanding husband. but of course, he can't rely on my pays. datz not a blessed husband. tsk. agn, usually, gd husbands hu r devoted to religion n oso a gd leader to d family, plus an understanding one.. hmm.. dat doesn't come in packages. d rest of d tings i want my husband to be shan't be mentioned here. well, better not expect much tho. nobody's perfect. lyk i'm not perfect either, so y shud i look for d ideal perfect husband? God has promised -> gd person will be matchmade with gd person. but one ting for sure, i dun want a husband shorter than i m. lyk i seriously do not want dat. HORROR!

some ppl told me dat i've been really harsh dese dayz n kinda emotion-less. agn, y do u ppl tink sum1 become harsh? bad experiences ryt? lyk as for me, failures in love life made me dese way. i noe sum ppl will be saying, "but u can choose not to be dat". my answer is -> i want to be dat. i'm stiffening my heart in order not to let anth stifle me from achieving my ambition. i wanna succeed. and to make dat possible, i can't fall in love agn. i fear i'll be hurt agn n dat stifles me from succeeding. get wad i mean? i'd rather be harsh so dat nobody can fall in love with me n den, i wun fall in love with anybody. i'm 50% learning to hate guyz but dere's still another 50% for me not to hate guyz. ah well, wadever it is. i'm sure u noe wad my reason is for being so harsh. i'm sorri if i hurt anyone. it wasn't intentionally caz i'm trying my bez not to hurt anyone in d midst of stiffening my heart. if i did hurt u, alert me, k, caz as humanz, we r prone to mistakes w/out realising it.

laz issue: i haf chinese friends telling me dey do not understand some posts. i'm sori. u dun hafta noe d posts written in malay. u can read dose in English, ryt? haha. n as for my malaysian friends, u can read my posts in malay ryt? well, fair enough isn't it?

i suppose i needa end my post here. i needa start studying for my PERGAS exam. pray for me, can? *shivers*

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

2007-05-16T07:58:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Life's been kinda ordinary. I'm baq to being the typical ordinary student hu attends school, come back from sch n study, complete as much hmwk as possible n not being committed to anth else outside school. Ouh, yes, I've been typically ordinary.

Umi told me to juz concentrate on studies first. Some friends told me not to commit now n study fers caz -> Ilmu comes before Amal. Hmm.. I sorta agree but hmm.. lemme c fers uh.. I'm prolly not committing as yet caz I wanna get to a JC (insya'Allah) and life in JC gonna be much more crucial than Secondary School. In Secondary school itself, I'm barely coping with life, considering that I'm also sick n I nd to b extra careful with myself in order not to fall ill. tsk..

Newayz, laz Sunday was Mothers' Day. On dat day, I happen to have PERGAS. Wad is PERGAS? Itz PERsatuan Guru-guru Agama dan para ulama' Singapura. It sounds lyk WOW! But well, dun be decieved. Itz juz an institute to pursue in ukhrawi. Hahaz. Something to ponder -> Some ppl tink dat Academics more important than Ukhrawi. And some others tink dat Ukhrawi is more important. Well, wad do u tink? Perhaps, there are people hu are gonna go "NO!!!" n some hu are gonna go "DUH!!!" As for me, itz a NO!!! Both are equally important in our life. As what Prophet Muhammad saw once said "Belajar sehingga ke negeri Cina". N excuse me, do not go "hur hur.. China has Islam-dominated places which focuses on ukhrawi". Caz if u're lyk dat, I'll juz go "hur hur.. IDIOT! what He said does not have a lateral meaning. Look at it as China having Chinese traditions which perhaps, u shud learn abt.. tsk.. By saying all those Islam-dominated places, u're not proving urself smart but otherwise.. tsk.."

Getting back to Mothers' Day topic. I bought my mum's fav cake after PERGAS! CHOCOLATE FUDGE!!!! YAY!!! My mum was so touched. I'm not assuming. She really said dat. N i'm happy till even now caz alaz, I did something pleasant and bought something she really liked. I oso bought this pretty tingy for her n she loved it. She needs it. Agn, alaz I bought her something she really needs and now, she's using it. *smiles widely* In the evening, my dad took us out for dinner. It was okay. The food there wasn't heavenly nice like my mum's cookings. Budden, I can't possibly fret caz it was Mothers' Day n my mum was supposed to rest and not cook to fill our stomach. My mum was happy caz she didn't have to spend any money nor do anything on that day. She was lyk d Queen. I spent so much on day dat tho. I'm not saying it out of depression. I juz feel good and felt lyk mentioning it. Itz in my blog newayz, not as if I broadcasted it to the whole world. Newayz, here's a shoutout for umi -> I LOVE U UMI!!! VERY D SOO MUCH!!! U'RE D LIGHT OF MY LIFE, HEART OF MY SOUL!! N I LURVE U MORE THAN U CAN EVER IMAGINE!!!

ouh yes, i'm very close to my family, especially my mum. I'm a family person. I'd rather go out with family than friends. I wud go d xtra miles to organise a family gathering for my family n my relatives which i successfully did with d help of my assistant cum cuzzin, Syahirah. We go to d same sch so we practically have LOADZ of tym spent together n yes, we organise d family gathering dated on so n so, December, yr 2006. It was fabulous but exhausting. Kudos to my uncles, aunts, dad n mum for bbq-ing for us. The food was gr8! as in GR8-GR8, not gr8-okay2. Fuh! Thx to Pak Busu n also my mum for marinating d chicken wings. They were superb! thx to me for d satay. i noe dey were so gr8 beyond words. thx to my cuzzin, farah, for accompanying me collect d satays. thx to d rest of my cousins for ur enthusiasm n make d event successful. thx to pak cik for forking out more money for d event. thx to syahirah for helping out tho u were rather lethargic on d laz day. i was too but i wasn't slacking okay.. haha! thx to everyone for helping clear up d place. n sori to d 2 phillipinos hu were collection donation. we didn't donate caz u seemed to be lying. moreover, u cudn't produce ur donation license when asked. so, too bad!

n MARCH HOLS NPCC CAMP!!! thx fusion for coming baq! no words can explain how much i missed u ppl. sori i cudn't spend tym with y'all. itz juz dat i had work to do. ur presence were appreciated kay. n thx for helping out with nightwalk. haha. n we shall go out together soon! miss u all dearly. sobz! n kamikaze, a job well done yeh! u all did gr8, really.. n camp was fun! yepz! sori cudn't join y'all for d 2nd day. i was falling really ill. lurve u fusion n oso kamikaze! n to my group, y'all were so HOT! was our grp name flying hippo? haha! at least, better than barney ya.. haha.. n i noe u all appreciated d kinder bueno i gave. ahaha! i lurve y'all too!

n omg! LP is baq! yes! i lurve LP much! LP-fied!!! woohoo!! Mike Shinoda shud go baq to LP n not Fort Minor. I dun lyk Fort Minor. dey've dumb songs. LP rawkz!!! woohoo!!! i noe sum ppl will be lyk.."God! she doesn't look lyk she listens to rock songs" datz so wadever can. dun judge a book by itz cover. I haf a whole lot collection of rock songs! N i DO NOT care wad ppl wud tink of me after dis. yes, i was a rocker n i still am. tho i lurve nasyid too. I can c d contrast btwn Rock songs n Nasyid songs. BUT HU CARES!!! itz not abt having weird tastes. itz about being able to adapt to 2 totally different environments. Rest assure, i rawk! n wipe dat grin of ur faces!

i tink datz it for now. tired uh.. haha!

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

2007-04-07T18:09:00.000+08:00

In case you fail to notice
In case you fail to see
This is my heart bleeding before you
This is me down on my knees

These foolish games are tearing me apart
And your words, thoughtless words are breaking my heart
Breaking my heart

Well, excuse me
Guess I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gives a damn
Somebody more like myself

These foolish games are tearing me
You're tearing me, you're tearing me apart
And your words, thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart

__________________________________________________

Well I wonder could it be
When I was dreaming about you, baby, you were dreaming of me
Call me crazy, call me blind
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time

Did I lose my life to someone better
And that she loves you like I do
I do, you know I really really do

Well hey, so much I need to say
Been lonely since the day, the day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away

I remember date and time
April 06, friday, 15 minutes past 3
Read your message, I almost faint
My mind's full of questions
There were tears on my face

And we were letting go of something special
Something we might never have again
I know, I guess I really, really know

Why do we never know what we've got till it's gone
How could I carry on?
The day you went away
Caz I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

_________________________________________________

No, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes, your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows

No, I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there
But then I (had to) let you go
And now it's only fair
That I should let you know
What you should know

I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore

______________________________________________________

Your honour please, gotta believe what I say
What I will tell happened just the other day
I must confess caz I've had about enough
I need your help, gotta make this thing here stop

Baby, I swear I'll tell the truth
About all the things you used to do
And if you thought you had me fooled
I'm telling you now, objection overruled

One for the hurt and tears I cried
It's two for the lie that you denied
All rise, All rise

Three for the calls that you've been making
It's four all my love you've been wasting
All rise, All rise

You're on the stand with your back against the wall
Nowhere to run and nobody you can call
I just can't wait, now the case is open wide
You'll try to pray, but Allah will decide

So step back
Cos you don't know this jerk
I know deep down that
You don't want me to react
I'll lay low, leaving all my options open
The decision of the jury has not been spoken

Step in my heart
You found that your space has gone
But in reality, to whom does this heart belong
I bring you into court to maybe preach my order
And you know that you overstepped the border

__________________________________________

I heard you're doing okay
But I want you to know
I'm addic- I'm addicted to you

I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
But you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you say
And I never wanna do this again

Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
Still addic- I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousan miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you..
But you left anyway

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

HEARTBREAKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm rebornt

2007-04-05T15:22:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh.

Hmm.. Yesterday was my b'dae. And to dose ppl hu wished me, THANK U!!! I LURVE U PPL LYK MANIAC!!!! To dose ppl hu didn't, better luck next time. no worriez, i wun be taking any revenge. *peace-maker*

Birthday but it was harsh. Imagine sum1 important in ur life didn't wish u. Fuh! It hurtz real bad! And I practically listened to Danial Powter's Bad Day song. I was practically tinking I was juz having a bad day but d worse was yet to come. And now, I realised I'm damned, damned in a religious way. Itz lyk I'm confident I didn't hurt those people who hurt me. So, in a way, somebody else was trying to hurt me. I'm being really analytical. I juz had to tink dat God is hurting me. Lyk duh right.. Prolly caz I 4got him and dis is a reminder lyk "REMEMBER ME!". I wasn't seeing it coming caz itz lyk SUDDENLY, BOOM! I'm damned! At least, I realise my mistake and I'm hoping hard I wun repeat my same idiocy again. Forget God and tink abt sumbody else. Wth! Nobody can replace Allah, Farz.

I was in my room the whole time tinking wad had I done wrong. Y r ppl angry with me and hurting me real bad at d same time. N now, I've got d answer. Thx to my mum hu knocked some sense into me. I'm starting to kill my ego. I used to tink I'm d only right one and everybody else is wrong. Not anymore, at least I hope so. At first I thought I wun haf anyone to spill out my heart contents to, but I was wrong. I haf my mum, God and a dear friend who's still dere for me, Nazihah.

To my beloved cousin, Megat Shah Rezza, thx for being d fers to wish me tho itz at 2am and I was tucked in bed. Thx a lot tau tau tau. And Abang Putra too, itz really swt of u to actually advice me. I was really down at d moment and u were dere. Thank u, abang! Luv u 2 loadedly!!!

Itz amazing how God hurts u in such a way till u tot u cudn't pick urself up anymore. Itz amazing how he make u realise u still haf Him and some others d next moment. Itz amazing how he gave u everything n make u realise u're d luckiest person ever lived. Itz amazing how he took everything away when u 4got ur responsibility as an insan. Allah, u're juz so amazing. N i lurve u dearly, more than anything else. Alhamdulillah, I begin to realise what I took for granted; ur love. Ur everlasting love. I hope dis lesson wud make me a better person. Allow me to start life afresh, a better insan to my religion, a better ummah, a better daughter, a better sister, a better grand daughter, a better niece, a better cousin, a better friend. I hope I'll be better tho I can't be d best. D best is still Rasulullah saw.

Ya Allah, God of Mercy, God of Kindness, God of Everything, I thank u for everything. I never felt better in my life. I had juz turned 17 and I hope I'll b d best I can ever be. I love u and I really do, more than anth n everything else. Amin.

Tangisan selubungi alam kisah manusia yg terleka seperti diriku ini
Terhina di bumi sendiri
Hilang segala apa yg dibina
Kehancuran memusnah merata
Kehidupan insan tak berdaya
Dgn air mata, suka bertukar duka
Cara harapan berubah gelita
Kepadahan hidup yang amat sengsara

Keamanan, kedamaian, kerharmonian dan kasih sayang
Harapan dlm kehidupan setiap insan
Hulurkan bantuan kpda yang memerlukan
Semaikan pelita iman

Sinaran harapan pasti kan tiba
Menerangi hidup diri kita
Masa hadapan yg kita impikan
Hidup aman sentosa dan bahagia

_______________________________________________

Don't give up
It's juz d weight of the world
When my heart's heavy, Allah will lift it for me

Don't give up
Because I want to be heard
If silence keeps me, Allah will break it for me

Everybody wants to be understood
Well, Allah can hear me
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because I am loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that I hide
When I'm lost inside, Allah will be there to find me

Don't give up
Becuase I want to burn bright
If darkness blinds me, Allah will shine to guide me

Everybody wants to be understood
Well Allah can hear me
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because I am loved
I am loved

Don't give up
Everyone needs to be heard
I am loved
_____________________________________________

Bertali arus dugaan tiba
Menakung sebak airmata

Tidak ditempah hidup sengsara
Suratan nasib yg melanda
Menongkah badai bergelora
Diredah bersendirian

Bagaikan camar pulang senja
Patah sayapnya tetap terbang jua

Segenggam tabah dipertahankan
Buat bekalan di perjalanan
Kau bebat luka yg berdarah
Kau balut hati yg calar

Telah tertulis suratan nasibmu
Derita buatmu ada hikmahNya
Terlukis senyum di bibir lesu
Tak siapa tahu hatimu

Biar pun keruh air di hulu
Mungkinkah jernih di muara
Biarpun jenuh hidup dipalu
Pasti bertemu tenangnya

__________________________________________

Cinta itu cahaya sanubari
Kurniaan Tuhan fitrah insani
Dan di mana terciptanya cinta
Di situ rindu bermula

Cinta itu tidak pernah meminta
Tetapi memberi sepenuh rela
Rasa bahagia biarpun sengsara
Berkorban segala-gala

Semua kerana cinta
Yang pahit manis dirasa
Menghibur nestapa
Merawat luka damai di jiwa

Terpadam api benci permusahan
Terjalinlah kasih sayang
Begitulah cinta yang diidamkan
Tanpa nafsu yang mencemarkan

Dan jangan pula kerana bercinta
Kita pun leka entah ke mana
Dan jangan pula kerana bercinta
Tergadai semua maruah agama

Cinta yang sejati hanya cintakan Illahi
Cinta ayah bonda tulus suci selamanya
Cintakan saudara masa berada hanya sementara
Cinta sesama insan suburkan dengan ketaqwaan

2007-04-03T21:47:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Dah lama ana tak post. Ana tak berkesempatan sebab terlalu sibuk dengan sekolah. Peperiksaan pertengahan tahun kian menjelang. Ana takut, gementar, bimbang. Ya lah, sebab belum cukup bersedia. Banyak sangat subjek untuk dipelajari. Satu subjek, ada dalam 20 topik untuk diteliti. Tekanan yang ada pada diri kian meningkat. Hidup ini mcm main kejar2. Kalau lambat, tertinggal lah kita. apa aku ckp ni. kay nvm.

Maths test junnow lyk easy, to my surprise! haha! i was lazing ard the whole day yesterday. Didn't even both to open up my maths txtbk even once. Shows how malas I was. N I was watching tv. Hmm wad was i watching huh? Ouh yeh, I was watching Amazing Race. Talking abt Amazing Race, I never knew Polish are so unfriendly. And......... I'm not concluding through 1 or 2 persons. It was obvious lah can. i was watching Amazing Race and even the police officers gave a definite "NO!" when asked for help. Itz freaking tak waras! N i was telling my mum how much i wanted to visit the concentration camps in Warsaw, Poland. Looking at how unfriendly the citizens were, I might hafta give it a 2nd thought, prolly more. Like seriously uh. I can't stand unfriendly ppl. But I can't stand swell-headed, sombong moronz more. Dere's freaking annoying.

My msn rosak! Lagi annoying. K. Gotta end here. Tataz!

2007-01-02T09:56:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Alhamdulillah, syukur ke hadrat Illahi ana diberi peluang untuk melihat keindahan alam Allah ini. Alhamdulillah ana masih diberi kesempatan untuk menyayangiNya, keluarga tersayang, saudara-mara tercinta, jua rakan-rakan yang setia di sisi walaupun tika dinihari.

Ana harap antum sihat walafiat; zahir dan batin.

Hari ini, ana macam nak post entry but ana macam tak nak post gak. Mcm nak post tapi lost beyond words. Seems like someone's trying to forget that I even existed. Just tell me and I'll get the idea you know. And I'll go away, far away from you. I told you abt it gonna be hard and stuff but hu in d world cares. It's okay, uh. It wouldn't be my first time I suppose.

The other time I saw the jerk. Like wadever uh. Eh hello ar uncle, like as if I was delighted to see you. Harap muka handsome tapi.. Just because I smiled, it didn't mean anything. I was just being nice. FYI, I practically moved on. U cud even freaking tink I was trying to influence the other girls you flirted with to get rid of u. I've got a wonderful beautiful life to begin with. Excuse u, uh.. If they really got rid of u, u deserve it anywayz. So much for playing with girls' feelings uh. U tink itz funny eh? Laugh lor.. Huever in dis world cares. Stop influencing gurls with ur sweet rotten words ehk. I know u read my blog datz y I post this uh, kaypo. Dun tell me ur English is dat pathetic till u can't understand dis. If u tell me dat, I wud believe tho. Tinking I'm insulting u here? Sori, got no tym uh. I'm just making u c d real truth abt u. U're a pathetic jerk hu tries to gain sympathy by telling ppl of ur family life. U tell tales of ur father being a freaking jerk when the real truth is dat d jerk is u. Wait till ur father getta noe of u telling tales abt him. Continue telling tales when u're like freaking close with him. Eeeyer! U're personality is rottening by every opportunity u got to tell ppl dis uh. Disgusting! And den, can sum more haf d guts to make use of ur mum's illness uh. Wah, gain sympathy by telling ppl u're mum is sick and dat u've been taking care of her and dat at times, u couldn't find time to go to school, even to sit for exams. Datz lyk shitz caz I freaking noe d truth about u! U dun go to sch caz u skip sch, playing warcraft! Lame game played by a lame person. And u can freaking afford to spend money playing games when u said u barely haf d money as ur father doesn't give nafkah? U sure he doesn't uh? Den u'ld be dead by now as ur mum isn't working. N u cud even afford to buy sum1 a branded handphone and by urself one too and datz no money? Quit gaining sympathy as it shows how pathetic u r, not being able to do anth abt ur family situation. Telling ppl ur father takes all ur hard earns and u're left with none? U're disgusting uh telling tales abt how disgusting ur father is. U're freaking disgusting! Calling urself a son!? Eeeeeyeeewwww!!!! U're just digging ur own grave uh caz when ur father comes to noe of dis, u're dead. If he getz 2 noe of dis, take a chill grill caz I ain't d one telling him all dese. I've got no tym uh. Seriously, even if u find tym for me, I wudn't. I'm not as digusting as u! U gotta thank me for not mentioning ur name. Caz agn, I'm not as disgusting as u! Go read my blog agn! U'll get dis!

Stop looking for me just caz u tink I'm d cause of every rotten tings dat happened in ur lyf! I dun even care and I'm not d one hu has been doing dat! Disgusting idiot! Quit telling ppl it had been me telling tales abt u! U're psychotic! STOP GAINING SYMPATHY!!!!!

2006-12-30T22:34:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Alhamdulillah tadi ada pergi therapy (doctor appointment) n he said dat dere's a lot of improvements. Syukur Alhamdulillah. Mungkin, ianya berkat doa mereka yg disayangi. Walaubagaimanapun, ini sudah pasti kerana ianya ketentuan Illahi. Alhamdulillah, syukur ke hadrat Illahi. Ana harap ana akan sembuh terus. Insya'Allah. Doakan ana kay.

Balik therapy, ana ke Jamiyah Children's Home. Ana punya first day mentoring. Mentee ana merupakan seorang budak lelaki bernama Khair Ramadhan berumur 10 tahun, dan juga adiknya yg berumur 7 tahun. Ana betul-betul impressed dengan Ramadhan. Ramadhan is a super pleasant boy. He impresses upon me with his courtesy and maturity. Ana bantu dia sedikit dengan matapelajaran Matematiknya. Ramadhan pandai. Dia cepat mengerti apa yg diajarkan. Alhamdulillah. He told me he really trusts me even though it's only my first time. He told me quite a fair bit of things and he's such a sweety. Ramadhan loooks like as if he has no problems and that he is happy with all he got. Tetapi, bila ana berbual dengannya, ana dapat merasakan bahawa ada sesuatu yg dia ingin beritahu ana tetapi dia malu. Dia ada katakan kepada ana bahawa dia malu nak ceritakan certain issues dengan ana. Kesian.. Ana dah bertekad untuk mendekati Ramadhan dan bantu dia dalam menghadapai segala cabaran dan dugaan hidup. I know he's someone hu needs help. I'll rescue u Ramadhan dear!!! Kakak will alwayz save u!

Hadirnya tanpa kusedari
Menggamit kasih cinta bersemi
Hadir cinta insan padaku ini
Anugerah kurniaan Illahi

Lembut tutur bicaranya
Menarik hatiku untuk mendekatinya
Kesopanannya memikat di hati
Mendamaikan jiwaku yang resah ini

Ya AllahJika dia benar untukku
Dekatkanlah hatinya dengan hatiku
Jika dia bukan milikku
Damaikanlah hatikuDengan ketentuan-Mu

Dialah permata yang dicari
Selama ini baru kutemui
Tapi ku tak pasti rencana Ilahi
Apakah dia kan kumiliki

Tidak sekali dinodai nafsu
Akan kubatasi dengan syariat-Mu
Jika dirinya bukan
hatiku dengan ketentuan-Mu
Ya Allah Engkaulah tempat kubergantung harapanku
Kuharap diriku sentiasa di bawah rahmat-Mu

Ana syg sgt ngan dia.. Tot I cud resist him but what telah happen? Kay, haiz.. nvm. I'm meant to live dis way. I'm really sad. He seems to not be serious and stuff. Takper lah.. ana tabah.

Newayz, happy kambing-ing ppl! Mehhhh..... Selamat Hari Raya Haji!

2006-12-25T00:53:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Alhamdulillah, syukur ke hadrat Illahi ana diberi peluang untuk melihat kecantikan alam Allah ini. Alhamdulillah ana masih diberi kesempatan untuk menyayangiNya, keluarga tersayang, saudara-mara tercinta, jua rakan-rakan yang setia di sisi walaupun tika dinihari.

Ana harap antum sihat walafiat; zahir dan batin.

Sejak kebelakangan ini, ana tidak mengerti mengapa ana lebih suka bersendirian. Ana seperti dapat merasakan bahawa ana mempunyai begitu banyak masalah yang masih dipersoalkan. Nampak jer macam ana ni happy-go-lucky tetapi siapa yang mengerti segala yg tersembunyi di dalam hati. Ana sering tersenyum, tertawa; macam orang gila lah kan, tapi entahlah, hanya Allah swt yang Maha Mengetahui. Ana putuskan, biaslah rahsia.

Ada yang tertanya dengan siapa ana sedang bercinta. Jawapan ana ialah; Ana bukannya sedang bercinta. Ana menyayanginya tetapi ana tak pasti jikalau dia pun begitu. Ana takkan beritahu sesiapa pun siapa yang ana maksudkan itu. Tolong jgn paksa ana. Syukran. Sekali lagi, ana putuskan, biarlah rahsia.

Ana tidak mahu mengharapkan. Buat apa mengharapkan. Bukankah ia seakan-akan menepuk sebelah tangan? Biarkan dia seorang yang tahu bahawa ana jujur apabila ana mengaku bahawa ana menyayanginya. Ana bukannya seorang yang mempermainkan perasaan orang lain. Ana tahu bahawa apabila kita memberitahu seseorang bahawa kita menyayanginya, kita MESTI jujur dan nawaitu kita sudah tentunya kerana Allah swt, dan bukannya kerana nafsu harta kekayaan atau lain-lain lagi. Yang pastinya, nawaitu ana bersih kerana Allah swt. Walaupun ana masih kecewa dengan pengalaman silam, ana yakin ana menyayangi insan tersebut. D fact is dat, nobody has treated ana d way he treats ana. He makes me happy. Setiap kali ana dapat msg drpd dia, ana tersenyum. Ana tak tahu mcm mana nak describe betapa gembiranya ana bila dpt msg drpd dia. Ana tahu dia tak tahu kegembiraan ana. Memang ana tak tunjukkan pun. Haha. Mungkin salah ana sendiri. Walaubagaimanapun, ana putuskan, biarlah rahsia.

Antum dah boringkan pasal sumer pon ana putuskan biarlah rahsia. Wah, best kan main teka teki gini.. Ana tak pernah mention jejaka ni pat sesiapa pun except umi ana sendiri. Justeru itu, tekalah, takkan game punya.

Tadi dia tanya napa tak ajak bila ana gi pasir ris park. Ikotkan hati, nak jugeklah ajak tapi kan.. waktu tu, ana marah ngan dia. Dia msg harsh noh. Kecik hati ana tapi pasal ana takmo ganggu dia, lantas ana pendamkan. Ana putuskan, biarlah rahsia. Dia suruh ana tak msg dia melainkan dia msg ana. Amek uh! Btol2 tak msg! Heh! Juz becaz dia tau ana sygkan dia, abeh dia nak take advantage ke per? Tgk uh ana saper! Bukan sembarang pompanz uh. Ni wanita, bukan sekadar pompan. I dun give face. U want it dat way, u'll get it. Dun test me whether I love u or not. I dun give a damn. Caz once i said yes, I mean well. N ana soooo don't merajok. Tak kuasa noh. Kalau ana diam atau jawab sepatah dua patah, tak bermaksud ana merajok. It's just dat ana malas nak layan. Ana not someone who spoils ana nyer water face. Malas noh nak layan.

Hmm.. mebbe sampai sini jer uh. Ana penat uh, ingin berehat barangkali. Apa-apa yang ana katakan dlm entry ni, kalau terasa, maaf dipinta. Ana betol2 nyer takder mood. Perhaps, ana nak gi pasir ris park next wednesday. Bawak bahan-bahan untuk belajar sekali. Bestnyer!!!

"Ya Allah, ampunilah segala dosa hamba-hambaMu, samada kecil mahupun besar. Berikanlah hidayah kepada kami yang belum dapat merasakannya. Teguhkan iman kami yang sudah mendapat hidayah daripadaMu. Kekalkanlah rasa cinta kami terhadapMu. Sayangilah kami sebagaimana kami menyayangiMu. Smoga kami sentiasa merendahkan diri kami denganMu kerana kami tidak ingin tersesat jalan ketika berusaha mencari keredhaanMu. Berikanlah kekuatan, ketabahan dan keteguhan iman kepada kami yang lemah serta hina ini, lebih-lebih lagi untuk menghadapi segala dugaan, cabaran dan ujian hidup. Kabulkanlah doa ini. Sesungguhnya kau Ar-Rahman lagi Ar-Rahim. Amin."

2006-12-21T20:33:00.000+08:00

Kuharap... kau cuba memahami
Luahan hati ini
Yang ingin dicintai

Kuharap... kau dapat menghayati
Sentuhan jiwa ini
Yang ingin disayangi

Tiada balasan
Yang ada hanyalah alasan
Tiada jawapan
Yang ada hanyalah persoalan

Di manakah kejujuran
Di manakah ketulusan
Di manakah keikhlasan
Di manakah kejujuran

Kerana Tuhan hanya mahukan
Kejujuran, keikhlasan... cinta

Kuharap... kau dapat menghayati
Sentuhan jiwa ini
Yang ingin disayangi

Kuharap... kau cuba memahami
Luahan hati ini
Yang ingin dicintai

Kuharap... kau dapat menghayati
Sentuhan jiwa ini
Yang ingin disayangi

Di manakah kejujuran
Di manakah keikhlasan
Di manakah ketulusan
Di manakah keikhlasan

Kerana Tuhan hanya mahukan
Kejujuran, keikhlasan... cinta

2006-12-21T16:35:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh. Hari ini nyer entry, ana tak nak type panjang. Apa yg ana nak cakpkan, semua sudah terdapat dalam lirik lagu.

Telah tertulis suratan nasibku
Derita buatku ada hikmahnya
Terlukis senyum di bibir lesu
Tak siapa tahu hatiku

Biarpun keruh air di hulu
Mungkinkah jernih di muara
Biarpun jenuh hidup dipalu
Pasti bertemu tenangnya

Kerana Cinta

cinta itu cahaya sanubari
kurniaan Tuhan fitrah insani
dan di mana terciptalah cinta
di situ rindu bermula

cinta itu tak pernah meminta
tetapi memberi sepenuh rela
rasa bahagia biarpun sengsara
berkorban segala-gala

semua kerana cinta yang pahit manis di rasa
menghibur nestapa
merawat duka
damai di jiwa

terpadamlah api benci permusuhan
terjalinlah kasih sayang begitulah cinta yang diidamkan
tanpa nafsu yang mencemarkan
dan jangan kita pula kerana bercinta kita pun leka
dan jangan pula kerana bercinta tergadai semua maruah agama

cinta yang sejati
hanya cintakan illahi

cinta ayah bonda
tulus suci selamanya

cintakan saudara
hanya sementara

sesama insan
suburkan dengan ketakwaan..

Hanya Tuhan Yang Tahu

Kupendamkan perasaan ini
Kurahsiakan rasa hati ini
Melindungkan kasih yang berputik
Tersembunyi di dasar hati

Kupohonkan petunjuk Illahi
Hadirkanlah insan yang sejati
Menemani kesepian ini
Mendamaikan sekeping hati

Oh Tuhanku berikanlah ketenangan abadi
Untukku menghadapi resahnya hati ini
Mendambakan kasih insan yang kusayang

Di hati ini hanya Tuhan yang tahu
Di hati ini aku rindu padamu
Tulus sanubari menantikan hadirmu
Hanyalah kau ______ (insert name) pilihanku

Kerana batasan adat dan syariat
Menguji kekuatan keteguhan iman
Insan yang berkasih

Mahligai Kasih

Duhai kasih cuba kau dengarkan
Isi hati penuh kejujuran
Dengan sepenuh keikhlasan
Kudambakan pengertian

Jangan kau dengar fitnah dunia
Kerna ianya dusta semata
Menghancurkan kesucian
Jalinan kebahagiaan

Sebenarnya aku merasa
Sinar cahaya yang gemilang
Ketika kau beriku harapan
Dan sering aku harapkan
Cinta berlandas keimanan
Dan kasih suci kitakan diberkati

Ku cuba sedaya
Agar dirahmati perhubungan yang telah terbina
Kerna pasti aku
Yang akan merasa pedihnya kehilangan insan sepertimu

'Kasih kuharapkan cinta kita kan terus kekal hingga ke syurga'

Tuhan berikanlah
Ketabahan hatiku untuk membina impian kasihku
Bersama mengharapkan
Ketulusan cinta ini hingga terbina mahligai bahgia

Sutera Kasih

Kian lama terpenjara
Mencari makna cinta
Dalam ungkap kata bersulam dusta

Bila gerbang rahmat terbuka
Menjelma cinta suci
Sehalus dan selembut sutera kasih

Terbentanglah tersingkap kebenaran
Terlerailah terbenam kepalsuan

Tuhan,
PadaMu ada kedamaian
DiribaanMu kebahagiaan
Tiada lagi rasa kesangsian di hati
Cinta Mu cinta tulus suci murni
KasihMu nan abadi

Bertautlah bercambahlah cinta
Mengharum dalam jiwa
Menemukan kerinduan syahdu
Pada yang Maha Esa

Sutera kasih membelai
Membalut kelukaan itu
Sutera kasih melambai
Mengisi kekosongan pengharapan

Rela pasrahkan kehidupan
Mengharungi cabaran
Rintangan perjalanan di hadapan

Doa dan titis air mata
Mendamba sutera kasih
Agar terus bersemi selamanya

Ku Serah Cinta

Ku serah segala ketentuan
Biarlah masa yang berbicara
Dipangku wajah yang layu
Dan aku telah jemu

Aku tidak mahu berpaling
Pada yang mengganggu dan menggugat
Sapanya meletihkan diri
Hadirnya mengundang penat

Akan ku serah cinta ini
Bukan lagi pada manusia
Kerana cinta martabat itu
Bersalut segunung kepalsuan
Dan kepuraan

Aku semakin tidak peduli
Apa yang mungkin akan terjadi
Kerana gerak dan tindakanku
Mahu bebas dari masalah

Ku serahkan cinta ini
Hanya padaMu, oh Tuhan

Akan ku serah cinta ini
Bukan lagi pada manusia
Kerana cinta martabat itu
Bersalut segunung kepalsuan
Dan kepuraan

Aku adalah aku sekarang
Biar terbuang tetap berjuang
Akan ku serahkan jiwa ini
Sepenuh hati dengan keikhlasan
Aku adalah aku yang sekarang
Ku serahkan cinta ini

Bicara Kata

Manis bicara indah tutur kata
Tak seindah rupa pengertiannya
Lembutnya lidah mengata nista
Lidah yang tiada bertulang
Mengadu domba
Serta memfitnah sesama saudara

Terkadang aku berfikir sendirian
Perlukah amarahku dibiar terus menyala
Membakar membara dengan rasa bangga
Mencela mereka dengan kata-kata

Kata ibarat pedang
Yang tajamnya bisa membunuh lawan
Kata-kata yang berhikmah
Menyedarkan kita

Kata madah pujangga
Bisa menjadi pedoman manusia
Jagalah bahasa kata kita
Jangan disalah guna

Yang merah itu saga Yang kurik itu kendi
Yang indah itu bahasa Yang cantik budi pekerti

Terkadang aku mentaksir manusia
Kurniaan Tuhan telah banyak dikhianati
Mencerca, menghina, dustanya bicara
Menyusun nista dengan kata-kata

Terlajak perahu masih boleh diundur lagi
Terlajak kata buruk padahnya
Terlajak perahu masih boleh diundur lagi
Terlajak kata hilang percaya
Hilang percaya...

2006-12-19T19:50:00.000+08:00

Islam New Nasheed Mashari Rashid Afasi, Ma Allah - With Allah

2006-12-18T14:30:00.000+08:00


Please Visit http://www.turntoislam.com for more documentaries. For this video Please Link to our webSite. ...» http://www.turntoislam.com This is a new nasheed, Ma'Allah, With Allah It is not on net yet, so enjoy..

2006-12-17T17:13:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Argh!! Ana mcm dah syg pat dia.. sumer ana buat tak kena.. 24 jam rindu pat dia sampai terbawak-bawak mimpi. Dis is super scary caz dis has never happened to me. Never! n dis is d fers time. N d ting is, I tink he lyks sum1 else n he was just joking abt liking me. But I really like him I tink. I'm beginning to realise how much I actually missed him when he didn't appear online or he didn't msg me. Like sumhow, mcm real loss. But am I ready for all these? This, I'm still very uncertain myself. Ya Allah, berikanlah petunjukMu.

2006-12-16T13:18:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Hmm.. ana update blog ni jap jer.. pasal ana nak gi belajar uh. 2 more weekz till school re-opens.. seramnyer..

Alhamdulillah ana sihat. Harap antum begitu. Sekarang ni, ana ngah cari kursus Bahasa Arab. Any recommendations anyone? Or anyone wanna go for d course with me? Looking for a partner - as in partner for the course, not life partner. Rasa-rasanya bukanlah masanya utk bercinta lah kan.. Tapi kekadang eh, rasa-rasanya lah kan, mcm dah terpaut pada seseorang, mungkin 2 org? Mungkin 3? I'm trying to make myself sound evil here.. Muahahahaha! Yang sebenarnya, ana putuskan biarlah rahsia. Ana tak rasa ana boleh commit mcm dulu. Mcm dah betul2 pasrah gitu, ntah lah eh.. Hanya Tuhan yang tahu. Ana belum recover drpd peristiwa semalam. Justeru itu, ana tak mahu sesiapa yang ana MIGHT accept, suffer caz of me and my weakness. Wow, I'm being so considerate here. Not bad.. Kelemahan yg terdapat pada diri ana tidak dapat dihilangkan. Ana sedang berusaha tetapi, ia tetap hadir dalam diri. Sayu hati ini mengenangkan nasib diri. Macam TERjiwang gitu.. Ter jer, bukan sengaja. Apa ana merepek ni, ana pun tak tahu. Ana tak tau tetapi ada seorang insan ni, he stands out from d rest yg ana kenali. Hati budi dia, ntah eh.. mcm lain gi2. Penyayang tau, mcm nama dia.. haha! Budden. d fact is, it's relatively hard for me to fall for sum1. Just look at how Ana respond to confessions and how I reject; like a bitch but huever cares.. Haha! Umi kerap mengatakan diri ana ni degil, keras hati. Ntah eh, tetapi apakan daya.. Ana can't possibly accept all 11 guyz. Yeh, if dat jerk is reading my blog, here's for him, "U tink u're cool! Shit no! Go away lah moronified baboonic dodo! Stop campur-ing into my life okay! If u got cheated, itz karma! What goes around comes around! Heh!" I dun fall for someone juz caz of sum shittified swt words. Impress upon me, and I MIGHT swoon over u (tho it takes decades for me to notice). Haha! Noe wadz, Ana really respect him, yeah. Sounds wadever but ntah naper ntah. I hafta lyk knock some sense into myself. I'm so doink! Sheesh!

Y am I so violent? Hmm.. u wanna noe y? Caz ana been berusaha-ing to get over dat jerk but it hurtz.. Itz really harsh.. especially on how much Ana loved him. Really hurts body n soul. Ana hope my next love life wouldn't be like this. Ana redha dengan qada' dan qadar Illahi tetapi ana tak sanggup menanggung satu lagi derita percintaan. Ana harap sesiapa yg ana myt end up with will be as setia as me. All d while, I've been d understanding n patient one, d next tym (tho I'm not sure if dere's gonna be a next tym), is gonna be a pleasant one where he(dunno hu) will cooperate with me in blossoming d relationship. Sounds so wadever but huever cares.

Mengapa kisah lalu menghantui diri?
Mengapa sukar bagiku mengubati hati?
Walau ku redha dengan qada' dan qadar Illahi,
Tidakku yakin diri ini akan mencintai lagi.

Cinta sejati pertama terlalu dalam mengguris hati,
Menghancurkan harapan, impian di dalam hati;
Mungkin jodoh akan ku temui,
Tetapi,
Akankah hati benarkan diri dilukai lagi,
Terus dihimpit kepedihan hati dan sanubari,
Ketika terpaksa menempuhi ranjau onak duri?

Kini ku menyendiri sahaja;
Entah sampai bila,
Mungkin setelah ku berjaya kecapi ijazah?
Mungkin selamanya?

Ya Illahi,
Ku pohon kepadaMu Tuhan semesta alam ini,
Moga Kau tidak lekang dari hati dan sanubari,
Cinta kepadaMu ku sematkan dalam diri,
Bermekar indah berseri;
Bantulah hambaMu yang lemah serta hina ini,
Berilah kekuatan iman dalam diri,
Sesungguhnya hanya Kau lah pengubat hati.

2006-11-30T16:38:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh..

Ana came across this which sorta bring up my spirit in spreading the words of Islam. Hope to share this too, especially to women.. May more Dai' exist in this world.. Ameen..

ROLE OF WOMEN IN DAWAH

FROM A TAPE by Shaikh Saleem al HilaaleeThis da'wah - calling people, propagating the Deen of al-Islaam - is an extremely important form of worship. Allah (S) says: "AND WHO IS BETTER IN SPEECH THAN HE WHO INVITES (MEN) TO ALLAH (HIS RELIGION) AND DOES RIGHTEOUS DEEDS, AND SAYS, 'I AM ONE OF THEMUSLIMS'." (2)

Giving da'wah is one of the best ways that a person can get close to Allah (S). This statement of Allah ("And who is better...") applies to the Muslim, both man and woman; when either one of them takes on the responsibility of da'wah they must do so in the way which has been legislated for them. The first thing which is incumbent upon the woman in her role as a da'eeah is that she acquire the necessary, basic knowledge of Islaam and those affairs concerning her Deen. The Prophet (s) said: "The seeking of knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim." (3) He (s) did not distinguish between the man and the woman in this, thus this statement applies to both equally. A person must have knowledge before he can speak or commence any action.Allah (S) says: "SO KNOW (O MUHAMMAD [S]) THAT LA ILAHA ILLALLAH (NONE HAS THE RIGHT TO BE WORSHIPPED EXCEPT ALLAH)." (4) The most important knowledge for the sister to obtain is that of Tawheed. When the Prophet (s) sent Mu'adh ibn Jabal (r) as governor of Yemen, at the time of his departure he instructed him thus: "You will soon find yourself in a community of the People of the Book, so first call them to testify that there is no god (worthy of worship) but Allah..." (5)The caller should therefore know that the issue of Tawheed is the most important affair which the Prophet (s) brought to the people. He (s) said: "The head of all affairs is Islaam..." (6) By this, he (s) meant the issue of Tawheed.

The scholars of al-Islaam have divided the knowledge of Tawheed into three categories:

1) Ruboobeeyah (Lordship of Allah). A person must believe, having firm conviction in his heart, that Allah is the Lord of everything. It is the understanding of the Muslim that Allah is the One Who gives life, causes death, provides sustenance for His creation and restricts sustenance from whoever He chooses. Tawheed ar-Ruboobeeyah is connected with the Actions of Allah, and along with this the Muslim must automatically believe that Allah is the Only One to be worshipped -

2) 'Ebaadah (singling out Allah in worship). Allah says: "O MANKIND! WORSHIP YOUR LORD (ALLAH), WHO CREATED YOU AND THOSE WHO WERE BEFORE YOU SO THAT YOU MAY BECOME AL-MUTTAQUN (THE PIOUS)." (7) And He (S) says: "AND I (ALLAH) CREATED NOT THE JINNS AND MEN EXCEPT THEY SHOULD WORSHIP ME (ALONE)." (8) The one who worships Allah, establishing both Tawheed ar-Ruboobeeyah and Tawheed al-Ulooheeyah, must understand that if he does not do this according to the correct understanding and with its proper application, there will be no benefit in his action. The way of the people of jaahiliyyah (the time of ignorance before the Prophethood of Muhammd [s]) was that they used to take for worship gods and lords other than Allah, loving them as they loved Allah and in some cases loving them even more than they loved Allah. Allah says about them: "IF YOU WERE TO ASK THEM 'WHO HAS CREATED THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH AND SUBJECTED THE SUN AND THE MOON?', THEY WILL SURELY REPLY, 'ALLAH'." (9) This Ayah shows that the people used to believe in Allah as Lord, but Allah also says about them: "AND OF MANKIND ARE SOME WHO TAKE (FOR WORSHIP) OTHERS BESIDES ALLAH AS RIVALS (TO ALLAH). THEY LOVE THEM AS THEY LOVE ALLAH. BUT THOSE WHO BELIEVE LOVE ALLAH MORE (THAN ANYTHINGELSE)." (10)

So, from this we can see that true worship of Allah is only according to that which He has legislated; it is doing everything that Allah (S) loves from those actions which are apparent or hidden. For one's deeds to be accepted by Allah they must therefore satisfy two conditions: 1, they must be performed with total and complete sincerity to Allah and 2, they must be performed in compliance with the Sunnah (legislated way) and Minhaj (methodology) of His Prophet (s).

3) Asmaa wa-Sifaat (Names & Attributes of Allah). The servant of Allah must acquaint himself with his Lord by learning about His Beautiful Names, which Allah describes in the Qur'aan as "AL-ASMAA AL-HUSNAA" (11), and he must believe in them according to the way they were revealed in the Qur'aan and the authentic Sunnah of the Prophet (s).After the Muslim woman, keen upon being a caller to Islam, learns about this issue of Tawheed and its three divisions, it is now imperative for her to learn about those things which are obligatory upon her person; that which is obligatory upon her (as a Muslim woman) as opposed to other people, in order for her to please Allah (S).

These things are:

The Prayer.
She must strive to learn the correct way of performing the Islamic Prayer. The Prophet (s) said: "Pray as you have seen me praying." (12) This order of the Prophet (s) was made to both the men and the women and he (s) did not distinguish between the two sexes in this obligation. So the woman should educate herself about the Prayer according to the authentic Sunnah of the Prophet (s). She must be aware of the rulings concerning at-Tahaarah (purification), as it is a condition of the Salaah and as such her Prayer will not be accepted without its correctness.

The Fasting.
She should acquaint herself with the way in which the Prophet (s) used to fast, as again there is no distinction between the man and the woman with regards to this obligation. She must know about the days upon which it is permissible for her to fast and which days it is not permissible for her to do so. Likewise, she should know the correct procedure to undertake should she miss a fast etc.

The Zakaah.
If this Muslim woman is one whom Allah has blessed with a lot of money or property, it is upon her to educate herself as to the rulings concerning its purification (zakaah), for her sake and the sake of al-Islaam, and spending in the Cause of Allah. The Hajj. She should then learn the fiqh (rulings) of Hajj according to the authentic Sunnah of the Prophet (s). These things are considered "al-Furood al-A'yaan" - that which is obligatory upon the Muslim (in this case the Muslim woman) to know. Also included in this is the knowledge of the affairs concerning her husband, her children and her household, as the true and rightful place of the da'wah of the woman is in her home. She must educate herself as to how to provide the correct tarbiyah (Islamic upbringing and education) of her children. She must be aware of the rights her husband has over her, in order that she does not become oppressive to him by asking for more than what he possesses, and so that she does not fall into those mistakes for which she will be held accountable. Likewise, she must be aware of her rights over her husband, so that he will not oppress her.

This Muslim woman must also attain the knowledge of those issues concerning the marriage itself i.e. the rulings of the nikah (marriage); rulings concerning the custody of children (e.g. after divorce); rulings concerning the Khul' (divorce petitioned by the wife), as the majority of problems that arise concerning marriage and divorce come as a result of the ignorance which is rampant amongst the brothers and the sisters. Thus the successful woman is the one who makes herself aware of these issues. Allah has ordered that the woman should remain in her house. He (S) says: "AND STAY IN YOUR HOUSES..." (13) We understand from this Ayah that the woman should not leave her home except in necessity, otherwise it is not permissible for her to do so, and this is the fitrah (natural disposition) upon which Allah has created the woman. The Prophet (s) said: "A woman is a caretaker of her husband's house and children, and is responsible for them."(14) Thus, the woman's leaving of the home without necessity is the cause of much distress and fasaad (evil). Her da'wah should begin in her home - teaching her children how to love Allah and His Messenger (s), how to hold on to their Islaamic identity and maintain a healthy sense of honour in al-Islaam, etc. Also, along with this, is the woman's helping her husband to accomplish his task of da'wah, and we see that this help is of two types in the Sunnah of the Prophet (s):

1. The first can be found in the example of Khadeejah (r), who helped her husband (the Prophet [s]) in his da'wah by way of encouraging words, and because of the position that she took in this, his da'wah became firmly established and consistent. When the Prophet (s) came from the Cave of Hira' after being visited by Jibreel [Gabriel] (as) with the first revelation, he went to Khadeejah (r) and told her what had happened to him. She said, 'I swear by Allah! He will not curse you nor forsake you because you connect the ties of kinship and help the needy and the poor', then she took him (s) to her cousin Waraqa ibn Nawfal (r), whereupon the Prophet (s) told him what had taken place on the mountain. This shows the da'wah of a woman by way of encouragement of her husband in his da'wah, and in her becoming the "Qurratu-'ayn" (coolness of the eye) to her husband because of her helping him, he will in turn be able to become an effective da'ee.

2. The second way in which the woman gives da'wah by helping her husband is in the instance where he, as a seeker of knowledge and one whose help is sought after by the people, is confronted by a question which he feels embarrassed to answer in detail (e.g. in those issues concerning women) and so she steps in, taking upon herself the task of informing the women concerning those issues which are reasons of shyness. Once, a woman asked the Prophet (s) how to wash herself after menstruation. She mentioned that he taught her how to take a bath (ghusl) and then told her to take a piece of cotton with musk and purify herself. She said, 'How should I purify myself with that?' He (s) said, "Purify yourself with it, subhaanAllah!" and covered his face. 'Aa'ishah said, "I dragged her to my side for I had understood what the Prophet (s) had intended, and I said (to her), 'Apply this cotton with musk to the trace of blood'." (15)

There are some other issues which, maybe due to the woman's ignorance of her role and her place in giving da'wah; or her weaknesses in facing the many trials that can discourage her from this noble task; or maybe even due to her ignorance of the rulings concerning this Deen of al-Islaam, may cause the Muslim woman difficulty and thus need to be mentioned. Firstly, if the woman is ignorant of her role and her place in da'wah, this will cause her to leave her home unnecessarily. In doing so, she may fall into such sins as free-mixing with the opposite sex and attending conferences where there is evil taking place and things that are not sanctioned by al-Islaam. Allah has made this ikhtilaat (free-mixing amongst the sexes) prohibited in the Deen and likewise everything which leads to it is also impermissible. So the woman cannot use her giving da'wah as an excuse to mix with the people. Islaam does not support the theory of 'the ends justify the means', instead the means must be honourable and the ends must also be honourable.

Therefore, the woman should not go to the university, for example, on the premise of giving da'wah, as we find that in these institutions there are women who are not properly clothed and there is present those things which have been clearly defined as destructive to the sons and daughters of Aadam; lewdness and evil, about which we are all aware.

Thus when the woman is ignorant of her role and her place in giving da'wah, it is likely that she will meet up with women who are upon other than that which is correct i.e. they may be sufis, masons, women who do not dress properly or follow the correct understanding of Islam. When this happens, the woman can easily fall into the trap of shaytaan and be used and abused to accomplish the goals of those people who are astray.

Many sisters feel a pressure in practising what Allah has made obligatory upon them i.e. that they must dress a certain way; they must remain in their homes; the society in which they live views them as being backwards and illiterate, so it must be understood that this type of pressure comes as a result of one's belief in Islaam as the Religion of Truth. If the woman is to take Allah as her Lord and the Only One to be worshipped, then that belief necessitates that the people will make fun of and ridicule her.

The Prophet (s) prepared us for this type of response when he said: "Islam began as something strange and will return as something strange, so Tuba (a place or a tree in Paradise) for the strangers." (16) Therefore, the one who wants to practise and be upon al-Islaam is going to be strange, and the stranger does not harmonize with the people who are around him - as whilst he is upon one thing the people are upon another. The way he thinks, the way he acts, his customs, the way he dresses etc. are all different from the ways of the people. Like the sheep who has been misplaced from his herd; whenever he finds himself with sheep from another herd he is always uncomfortable and uneasy until he returns to his own herd. Also, the sister must understand that she is not alone in her being subjugated to this type of ridicule. Likewise, the men are subject to the same types of abuse etc., and at times it is even worse for them as they are the ones who are constantly going out and interacting directly with these non-Muslims.

But whoever is patient and waits for his reward with Allah (S) can be sure that the reward for his patience is that Allah will give him al-Aman (security and safety) from the ridicule of the ignorants and the oppressors. "ALLAH HAS PROMISED THOSE AMONG YOU WHO BELIEVE, AND DO RIGHTEOUS GOOD DEEDS, THAT HE WILL CERTAINLY GRANT THEM SUCCESSION TO (THE PRESENT RULERS) IN THE EARTH, AS HE GRANTED IT TO THOSE BEFORE THEM, AND THAT HE WILL GRANT THEM THE AUTHORITY TO PRACTISE THEIR RELIGION, THAT WHICH HE HAS CHOSEN FOR THEM (I.E. ISLAAM). AND HE WILL SURELY GIVE THEM IN EXCHANGE A SAFE SECURITY AFTER THEIR FEAR (PROVIDED) THEY (BELIEVERS) WORSHIP ME AND DO NOT ASSOCIATE ANYTHING (IN WORSHIP) WITH ME." (17)

Know, O Muslim, that Allah will not cause to be lost any of your actions, strive to become a person who finds honour in being a Muslim and being upon his Religion; not like those whom Allah describes as: "...LIKE CATTLE, NAY EVEN MORE ASTRAY; THOSE! THEY ARE THE HEEDLESS ONES" (18), whose only concern is to eat, drink, sleep, and fulfill their sexual desires. May Allah protect us from the oppression of the oppressors and give us the clear opening between us and them, verily He is the All-Hearing - He Hears the du'a, and may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon you all.

1. Taken from the tape "The Role of Women In Da'wah" by Shaikh Saleem al-Hilaalee
2. Suratu-Fussilat (41:33).
3. Ibn Maajah & al-Bayhaqee.
4. Suratu-Muhammad (47:19).
5. Al-Bukhaaree & Muslim.
6. At-Tirmidhee & Ibn Maajah.
7. Suratul-Baqarah (2:21).
8. Suratudh-Dhaariyaat (51:56).
9. Suratul-'Ankaboot (29:61).
10. Suratul-Baqarah (2:165).
11. Suratul-A'raaf (7:180), Suratul-Israa' (17:110), Suratu-TaaHaa (20:8), & Suratul-Hashr (59:24).
12. Al-Bukhaaree & Ahmad.
13. Suratul-Ahzaab (33:33).
14. Al-Bukhaaree & Muslim.
15. Al-Bukhaaree & Muslim.
16. Muslim.
17. Suratun-Noor (24:55).
18. Suratul-A'raaf (7:179).

2006-11-30T16:32:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh..

Ana came across this e-mail which is touching. Ana really admire those women. Ana posted it online to share with anyone who came across blog ana.

Women Without Fear
Fahad Ansari

Friday 3 November 2006 is a day which will remain etched in the memories of the world for decades to come, a day when the true brutality of the Israeli army was clear for all to see, and a day when the women of Palestine showed that their courage and fortitude was every bit as admirable as their male counterparts. Last Friday, in a mini-version of Tiananmen Square, the women of Beit Hanoune rose to challenge the aggressive military occupation imposed upon them. In response to a radio appeal for assistance, hundreds of unarmed women, including teenage girls, marched towards the local mosque to protest against the Israeli military which had surrounded the building in an attempt to capture suspected Palestinian gunmen. The siege had already resulted in the killing of 20 Palestinians.

The Israeli response to the peaceful protest was to open fire on these unarmed ladies in a show of callous disregard for any standards of humanity or civilization. International law did not even enter the equation. As several of these women fell dead and wounded as the bullets pierced their flesh, the remainder marched forward undeterred by the relentless gunfire. Despite the fear and terror so evident in their trembling voices as they cried out “Allahu Akbar”, these courageous women of Beit Hanoune advanced forward until they reached the mosque to assist their brothers inside. Forming human shields around them, these women escorted their brothers away from the mosque, putting the watching world to shame. In all, two women were killed, another 10 wounded.

The women of Beit Hanoune were following in the footsteps of great female Muslim warriors such as Khawla bin al Azwar, who, covered from head to toe with only her eyes, spear and sword showing, repeatedly rushed the Roman army at Beit Lihya in order to rescue her captured brother Dhiraar. Like Khawla, these women had one aim, one objective, one mission – to rescue their brothers. Facing death in the face, they marched towards their destiny. On the day of Beit Lihya, the valour of Khawla was unmatched. Last Friday, the courage of the women of Beit Hanoune was unparalleled.

It is actions such as these which have proven inspirational to oppressed people around the world, the majority of whom are too afraid to stand up to their oppressors. The assassinated president of Egypt, Anwar Sadat, described fear as being “a most effective tool in destroying the soul of an individual--and the soul of a people.” For as long as people are unable to overcome their fear, they become enslaved to it and obey it without question, thereby allowing their plight to continue. Bravery such as that exemplified by the women of Beit Hanoun is sufficient proof of the power within every soul to control and to conquer this fear. Once you conquer your fear, you automatically deprive your enemy of the ability to hurt you. Last Friday, the world witnessed a hundred women and children who had conquered their fears.

Even more impressive was the attitude of these women in the aftermath of the massacre. "The Israeli war machine is not strong enough to be able to break the determination of granddaughters of Shaykh Ahmed Yassin as-Shaheed and Ezziddin Al-Qassam,” were the words on the lips of Umm Mohammed Al-Rantisi, widow of the late Hamas senior political leader Dr. Abdul Al-Aziz Al-Rantisi as-Shaheed (rahimullah). Her comments reflected the fortitude of a woman who understood both the nature of the challenge faced by the Palestinians and the method needed to overcome it. They represented the spirit of a woman who understood the belief of the Companions of the Prophet Muhammad (saw) who when they saw the army of the Confederates surrounding them, overcame their initial feeling of severe terror and said, “this is what Allah and His Messenger promised us, and Allah and His Messenger spoke the truth”. Allah (swt) tells us in surah al-Ahzab that the uttering of these words in the face of the threat of annihilation only increased the faith and obedience of the Companions rather than their fear. The women of Beit Hanoun understood that the oppression they faced was the promise of Allah (swt) and His Messenger (saw) coming true and thus, through remembering Allah, they conquered their fear.

The Israeli army could only watch helplessly as these heroines of the Ummah, armed with nothing but their eemaan, braved the flying bullets to rescue their brothers and escort them to safety. Their amazing courage and sacrifice, broadcast to the world, will have inspired many others to strive to emulate their actions in the future. In a world in which victory is often attributed to arms and money, the women of Beit Hanoun reminded us that all that is needed is strong eemaan.

2006-11-27T01:31:00.000+08:00

...BIARLAH RAHSIA...

Pernahkah kau bermimpi seketika
Berada di tempatku
Membayangkan pahit manis berlalu
Entah siapa yang tahu

Mungkin nanti kau jua merasakan
Berdepan dengan kata menyesakkan
Takkan tugumu kebal
Tiada pertimbangan

Keheningan malam membangunkan
Kepayahan jiwa meluahkan
Andai kau jujur memahami
Tiadaku menjauhi

Dan kisahku yang masih panjang
Menambahkan berat yang memandang
Lantas ku pendam
Ku putuskan biarlah rahsia

Pernahkah kau bermimpi seketika
Berada di tempatku

2006-11-22T04:56:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Alhamdulillah.. Syukur ke hadrat Illahi ana diberi peluang untuk melihat kecantikan alam Allah ini.. Alhamdulillah ana masih dapat menyayangiNya, keluarga tersayang, saudara-mara tercinta dan jua rakan-rakan yang setia di sisi walaupun tika dinihari.

Sehari suntuk ana, tidak dapat menumpukan perhatian dengan kerja-kerja yang sepatutnya dilakukan ana. Fikiran ana berkecamuk. Ana seakan-akan tidak tahu fikirkan yang mana baik dan buruk untuk diri ana lagi. Kezaliman yang ana rasa wujud pada diri ana terasa kian menebal. Adakah ia sebab ana memang semakin zalim? Ataupun ia hanya bisikan naluri sahaja?

Sayu rasanya apabila seorang sahabat mengundur diri akibat sesuatu kesilapan yang tidak disengajakan. Sayu lagi rasanya jikalau sahabat itu seseorang yang mula disayangi. Kesayuan itu bukannya lahir dari titisan air mata sahaja. Malah, ia lahir dari hati dan sanubari yang terus menusuk mencengkam jiwa.

Ana terus tertanya apakah yang ada pada cinta, kasih dan sayang. Adakah mereka hanya perkata-perkataan yang tidak lagi membawa sebarang makna yang sememangnya patut dihargai? Bagi ana, cinta, kasih dan sayang tidak membawa sebarang erti pada diri ana lagi. Ana tidak mahu menagih atau mengemis kasih dari sesiapa. Biarlah ana dengan hidup ana yang sebegini. Setiap kali ana rasa ana sudah boleh mula berganjak dari tirai semalam, ana akan dihimpit dugaan sehinggakan kasih yang mula berputik tidak dapat disemai. Ana redha dengan dugaan Illahi yang diberi. Mungkin ini caranya ana menjadi lebih kuat dan matang menempuhi ranjau onak duri.

Umi sering mengingatkan, "Carilah seseorang yang dapat membimbingmu di dalam ukhrawi semoga hidupmu diberkati. Carilah yang berilmu supaya tidak sesat nanti. Carilah yang beriman supaya dia menyayangimu kerana Illahi. Apa jua keputusan yang dilakukan, ingatlah Dia Yang Maha Kuasa, jangan lupakanNya walaupun sesaat nescaya hidupmu diberkati. Lakukanlah solat sunat istiharah kalau diperlukan bukan sahaja untuk menentukan jodoh mana yang lebih baik buat dirimu, tetapi juga untuk melebihkan amalan, bekalan akhirat nanti,".

Abang sering mengingatkan, "Sayangi Allah lebih dari mana-mana insan dan sayangi keluarga dan abang lebih dari mana-mana insan yang bakal adik sayangi. Sesungguhnya kasih sayang Tuhan melebihi segalanya. Kasih Tuhan berkekalan abadi. Dugaan yang diberi menunjukkan adik disayangi. Adik beruntung diberi dugaan jadi adik kena redha, bersyukur, banyakkan amalan tanda bersyukur terhadap Illahi. Sesungguhnya Allah sangat menyayagi adik,".

Ana bersyukur dilahirkan dalam keluarga yang beriman. Ana jua bersyukur dipertemukan dengan seorang abang yang sangat menyayangi adiknya dan tidak putus-putus memberi kata-kata perangsang. Alhamdulillah. Kesedihan daripada dugaan yang diberi tiada bandingannya dengan kasih sayang yang diperolehi. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

"Ya Allah, jangan Kau palingkan hati hambaMu yang lemah serta hina ini setelah Kau berikan hidayah. Aku bersyukur dengan segala apa yang diberikanMu. Aku redha dengan dugaan yang diberiMu. Berikanlahku kekuatan, ketabahan, petunjuk dan jua keimanan untuk menempuhi segala rintangan dan ujian dariMu"

2006-11-20T14:24:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Syukur ke hadrat Illahi ana diberi peluang untuk melihat kecantikan alam Allah ini.. Alhamdulillah jua ana masih dapat menyayangiNya, keluarga tersayang, saudara-mara tercinta dan jua rakan2 yg setia di sisi..

Ana masih kurang sihat hari ini. Doakan ana ceput sembuh kay..?

Sering orang mengatakan bahawa hidup berpasangan susah kerana di dalam bercinta, kita memerlukan kepercayaan yang tinggi pada kekasih kita. Kepercayaan dan kesefahaman sering menjadi tanda tanya bagaimana pasangan kekasih itu dapat terus bersama bertahun-tahun lamanya. Ia juga sering menjadi tanda tanya kepada mereka yang akhirnya berpisah. Bagi ana, hidup berpasangan dan juga keseorangan susah. Hidup tidak akan sempurna tanpa liku-likunya. Dugaan hidup membuat seseorang lebih kuat dan matang dalam membuat keputusan, jua menceburi segala rintangan. Insya'Allah, dengan izin Allah swt yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang.

Apabila kita hidup berpasangan, mungkin kekasih kita itu tidak setia ataupun kita merasakan diri kita mula menyayangi orang lain di atas sebab tertentu. Mungkin jua ada pihak yang cemburu dan cuba sedaya upaya untuk pisahkan kita dengan kekasih kita sehinggakan perpisahan merupakan jalan yang terbaik.

Apabila kita hidup keseorangan, kita rasakan bahawa kita memerlukan perhatian jua kasih sayang daripada seorang insan. Ada pula harus melalui kesukaran apabila ada insan-insan lain yang ingin mengasihi dan juga dikasihi kita. Jikalau seorang yang kita menolak kasihnya, ia tidak begitu berat tekanannya tetapi jikalau terlalu banyak sehinggakan ia menjangkau sepuluh insan, tekanannya dapat dirasai. Mungkin kita akan mula merasakan diri kita ini jahat, tidak berhati perut, kejam kerana sering melukakan hati insan lain. Tetapi, kadang-kala, kita terpaksa kerana kita ada hak untuk memilih yang terbaik buat diri kita. Misalnya, seseorang insan yang dapat membimbing kita ke jalan Allah swt, jalan yang diredhaiNya. Tetapi ada kalanya, seseorang yang sukakan kita mungkin merangkumi segala kriteria yang dingini tetapi hati kita belum terubat dari luka semalam. Ini sukar untuk kita tempuhi. Justeru itu, ana sering berpaling kepada Allah swt kerana Dialah tempat ana mengadu dan berlinang air mata.

Seseorang yang ana tidak sangkakan akan sukakan ana, menyukai ana. Itu apa yang dikatakannya tetapi adakah itu kenyataan atau hanya sebuah igauan? Pernah suatu ketika, ana sukakan dia tetapi dia agak kasar dengan ana. Justeru itu, ana menganggap bahawa kami tidak sehaluan dan tidak akan terjadi walau sekali pun dia akan menyukai ana. Apa yang ana sangkakan berubah, apabila dia menyatakan perasaannya. Ana juga menyangka selama ini bahawa dia masih ada hati untuk Lina. Yang benarnya, ana rasa ana sebenarnya sukakannya tetapi ana tak boleh. Ana tak tahu, ana takut terluka lagi.. Entahlah.. Ana sendiri kekeliruan tetapi apakan daya, semua ini sudah tertulis dan sebagai seorang manusia yang lemah serta hina, kita tidak boleh melawan kemahuan Dia Yang Maha Mengetahui segala.

Yang benarnya, bukan ana tak sudi tetapi ana benar2 dapat merasakan bahawa dia tidak boleh sukakan ana dengan sepenuhnya kerana dia masih sukakan Lina. Jikalau ana mahu terima seseorang, ana mahu pastikan bahawa dia cuma sukakan ana dan bukan sesiapa selain ana. Dia boleh berkawan dengan mana-mana perempuan lain kerana jikalau ana terimanya, ia bererti ana benar-benar percayakannya dan jua kesetiaannya.

Pernah suatu ketika ana mempercayai seseorang dengan sepenuh hati tetapi kepercayaan ana terhadapnya tidak dihargainya. Dia memainkan perasaan ana dan ia sudah cukup untuk mengguris hati dan naluri. Luka dari pengalaman lalu masih segar di ingatan. Malah masih dapat dirasai dan setiap detik menghantui diri. Apakan daya, ana hanya dapat anggap ini sebagai dugaan. Shakespearant quote: The World's A Stage and We're Merely Players. Kerana orang yang tidak menghargai kesetiaan ana, ana tidak dapat percayakan sesiapa termasuk diri ana sendiri. Bagi ana, tiada kejujuran lagi si dunia ini. Ana masih cuba sedaya upaya untuk melupakan kisah lalu tetapi sejauh mana yang dapat ana melangkah. Ana harap suatu hari nanti, ana berjaya memulakan hidup baru. Insya'Allah, dengan izin Allah swt.

Ya Allah, kau berikanlah ketabahan kepada hambaMu yang lemah serta hina ini. Tiada cinta yang sesuci cintaMu. Tiada kasih yang semanis kasihMu. Hanya daripadaMu ku mohon petunjuk agar diri ini tidak jauh tersisir daripada jalan yang diredhaiMu. Sesungguhnya Kau Maha Memahami dan Maha Mengetahui dan ku yakin kau memahami apa yang tersirat di hati hambaMu ini. Sesungguhnya kau Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang, limpahkan rahmatMu yang melangit luas itu. Semoga hidupku sentiasa diberkati dan diredhaiMu. Ameen.

2006-11-19T17:58:00.000+08:00

Ana sukakan lagu-lagu nasyid yang dapat memberi keinsafan kepada kita bahawa Allah swt itu Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Pengampun, dan juga dapat menyedarkan kita dengan perlunya cinta, kasih dan sayang kepada Allah swt. Di antara lagu-lagunya ialah:

Sesungguhnya - Raihan
Sebenarnya hati ini cinta kepadaMu
Sebenarnya diri in rindu kepadaMu
Tapi aku tidak mengerti mengapa cinta masih tak hadir
Tapi aku tidak mengerti mengapa rindu belum berbunga

Sesungguhnya walau ku kutip semua permata di dasar lautan
Sesungguhnya walau ku siram dengan air hujan dari tujuh langitMu
Namun cinta takkan hadir, namun rindu tak akan berbunga

Ku cuba menghulurkan sebuah hadiah kepadaMu
Tapi mungkin kerana isinya tidak sempurna tiada seri
Ku cuba menyiramnya agar tumbuh dan berbunga
Tapi mungkin kerana airnya tidak sesegar telaga Kauthar

Tuhan, hadiahkanlah kasihMu kepadaku
Tuhan, kurniakanlah rinduku kepadaMu
Moga ku tahu syukurku adalah milikMu

Kembali - Raihan
Kehidupan yang kau lalui tiada bererti
Namun kau masih tak menyedari
Bila wajahmu pucat lesu terbujur kaku
Bimbang hidup kau kan berakhir

Tidakkah kau tahu Dia yang Maha Kuasa?
Masihkah tak mengerti tiada hidup tanpaNya?
Subhanallah..

Lalu kau pun tunduk membisu sejuta ketakutan
Bayangkan dosamu bagai lautan
Haraplah diberi peluang umur yang panjang
Kau kan jadi hamba yang sejati

Allah Maha Pengasih
Allah Maha Pengampun
Kembalilah kepada fitrahmu
Allah Maha Pengasih
Allah Maha Pengampun
Sedarlah kau dari kesilapanmu

Lalu kau pun sujud mengaku
Hilang keangkuhanmu
Cabutlah noda hitam di hatimu
Haraplah diberi peluang beribadah kembali
Kau kan jadi hamba yang sejati

Engkau pun menyedari jangka waktu yang diberi
Kau telah pun sedari cintaNya yang abadi

Allah Maha Pengasih
Allah Maha Pengampun
Kembalilah kepada fitrahmu
Allah Maha Pengasih
Allah Maha Pengampun
Cintai Illahi cinta yang hakiki

Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah

2006-11-19T14:19:00.000+08:00

Assalamulaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh..

Syukur Alhamdulillah ana given another day to live n c Allah swt's beautiful creations.

Ana just read Pei Jun's blog, the one with d entry on how much she misses Fusion squad of TKGS NPCC. My dearest darling Pei Jun, I miss you too dear.. I'm sure the rest too. Hope to go for squad Raya outing after 'O's? Ana miss Fusion real bad. Ana really miss the times we go home together, taking bus 31. Yes, we practically cheered up the whole bus! Ana will never forget you moronz! Ana miss you all so much!!! *hugz*

Hmm.. ana been ill. Yes, ill. Down with fever and temperature not decreasing. In fact, it has been increasing. Still having fever but ana don't wanna just sit around restlessly. Yepz!

Ana finding a job. Anyone wanna recommend part time admin jobs? Uhuh.. ana badly need a job uh. HELP!!! Noe wadz! Ana went for this job interview, yepz. And, that disgusting-looking freak told ana off that they don't want people who wear tudung. Lyk hello!? You may rot in hell! This is my faith and I uphold my faith! Ana hate the idea that Muslims are descriminated! For those people who might be thinking, "There are descriminations in Singapore against Muslims?", you people gotta wake up uh dudes n dudettez. There are lotsa descriminations especially towards those who dress up like me! Uhuh..

And did antum read today's Berita Harian? Ana was like, "astaghfirullahal azim". How can other races or religion respect Malay/Muslims anymore with this kinda practices. Ana hope Allah swt will give taufik and hidayah to these people. Hope they would taubat nasuha after realising the BIG SIN they've committed. Hope they will start to fear Allah swt as they should beforehence. "Ya Allah, the Most Merciful, show us the light to the right path of jannah. Forgive our sins and do not let us commt more sins. Let there be fear instilled within us; fear of you and your punishments of hell fire in the hereafter. Instil iman within us that would grow our love for you and our love for you would be shown through our ibadah and dedications towards your religion, Islam, not just a religion but the way of life,".

Iman adalah mutiara di dalam hati manusia
Yang menyakini Allah, Maha Esa Maha Kuasa
Tanpamu iman, bagaimanalah merasa diri hamba padaNya
Tanpamu iman, bagaimanalah menjadi hamba Allah yang bertaqwa

Iman tak dapat diwarisi dari seorang ayah yang bertaqwa
Ia tak dapat dijual-beli, ia tiada di tepian pantai
Walau apapun caranya jua
Engkau mendaki gunung yang tinggi
Engkau merentas lautan api
Namun tak dapat jua dimiliki
Jika tidak kembali pada Allah

2006-11-09T17:24:00.000+08:00

The Veil
by Dawud ali wharsby

They say, "Oh, poor girl, you're so beautiful you know.
It’s a shame that you cover up your beauty so."

She just smiles and graciously, responds reassuringly:
"This 'beauty' that I have is just a simple part of me. This body that I have; no stranger has the right to see. These long clothes, this shawl I wear, ensure my modesty. Faith is more essential than fashion, wouldn't you agree?"

This Hijab: This mark of piety -Is an act of faith, a symbol -For all the world to see. A simple cloth, to preserve her dignity. So, lift the veil from your heart to see the heart of purity.

They tell her, "Girl, don't you know this is the West and you are free? You don't need to be oppressed, ashamed of your femininity."

She just shakes her head and she speaks so assuredly:
"See the bill-boards and the magazines that line the check-out isles. With their phoney-painted faces and their air-brushed smiles? Well, their sheer clothes and low-cut gowns; they are really not for me. You call it freedom, and I call it anarchy."

This Hijab:This mark of piety -Is an act of faith, a symbol -For all the world to see. A simple cloth,to preserve her dignity. So, lift the veil from your heart to see the heart of purity.

2006-10-06T15:35:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Alhamdulillah, syukur ke hadrat Illahi.. ana sekali lagi dapat melihat dunia ini lagi.

Ana buat masa ini sedang sibuk dengan sekolah. Bukannya apa, ana sedang menduduki peperiksaan akhir tahun. Jumaat yang lepas, Social Studies dan English.. Social Studies astaghfirullahal azim.. tetapi Inggeris Alhamdulillah. Hari Rabu yang lalu, Chemistry dan Karangan Melayu.. Chemistry astaghfirullahal azim.. tetapi Karangan Melayu Alhamdulillah.. Semalam, Sastera Inggeris Kertas 1 Alhamdulillah. Hari ini pula, BIOLogy dan History.. Kedua-duanya okay, Alhamdulillah. Yang akan datang ialah Matematik.

Stress juga fikirkan peperiksaan akhir tahun ni, lebih2 lagi debaran bagi menunggu keputusan. Ana takot sekali. Entahlah mengapa tetapi Alhamdulillah. Ni ana agak keletihan. Ana rasa ana nak tidur tetapi sekejap lagi ana nak kena ke masjid. Umi cakap tak usah ke masjid kerana ana kurang sihat, bukan saja keletihan.. tetapi, ana macam rindu pula dengan masjid. Kondisi ana sekarang, Hanya Allah swt yang tahu. Hanya Allah swt yang tahu betapa beratnya dugaan sakit yang ana tanggungi. Bukan sahaja dugaan sakit, dugaan2 lain juga. Ana redha dengan ketentuanNya kerana ana yakin ana diberi dugaan kerana Dia amat menyayangi ana. Insya'Allah. Kepala ana dah sakit ni. Ana rasa ana blog lain masa aja lar. Sebelum itu, ana ada mengarang satu puisi yang cukup menyayat hati. Ana teringin pula untuk mengongsinya.

I loved you before you knew it
Silently deep inside I felt it

A heart where feelings being contained
Also full of love can't be explained

Have you given it a thought?
Or it causes you to get bored?

A girl with smiles never fade
But with a life that seems so dead

Her heart shattered
Never flattered

Mind full of one guy
But does he know it?
Or just ignoring it?

Heaving a sigh
She looks up the sky
With a warm smile she said
"I know I love him Allah"
And that's all she said

A paper and a pen
That is all she depends
To pen down her thoughts
Of things that make her distraught

Never felt so blue
She doesn't know what to do
She looked at herself in the mirror
Her reflections getting clearer
Ya Allah, who is that girl I see?
Staring strangely back at me

A heart full of love
Nothing is enough
She pray and pray
But not for herself
But for him she loves
Still, she thinks to herself
"My prayer's never enough"

Tears streamed down
Smile turns to frown
She longed for him
Not only in her dreams
She couldn't forgive herself
For what she said
She sobs and weeps
In silence she did

Feelings couldn't she control
Sorrows overcome anything at all
A knife she spots
She couldn't resist
She slits her wrist
Waiting for the time to go
But God doesn't think so

With the blood that flowed
She wrote a note
"I love you and always will"
She sealed the note with a pretty kiss
Though her heart was so full of bliss

Datz all for now.. Wabillahitaufik walhidayah wassalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh.

2006-09-23T22:11:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Alhamdulillah ana got the time to blog once more.. Life ana been fine.. Alhamdulillah. Ana realise ana much wiser now ever since ana gotta noe d guy ana supposedly love is not who he turns out to be. Wad ana knew was dat he's close to perfect but well, ana was wrong.. Ana has been down for quite some time but no tears.. sumhow, ana dunno y but dere was simply no tears. Ana tink that itz due to the so much tears which ana shed before. Budden, Alhamdulillah.. ana so greatful Allah swt has given ana the strength. Alhamdulillah HE has made ana wiser too.. Alhamdulillah..

Ana gotta know about his non-innocence from his own sister. At first, ana was suspicious becaz ana noe that his sister doesn't really like him. But well, ana was oso suspicious of him ler.. so as time goes on, ana realise this -> why waste time on one guy hu doesn't seem to bother? Den, ana totally dun wanna haf anything to do with him nemore.. Moreover, ana found out so many disgusting habits n lies of his which so turn ana off..

Earlier today, ana attended a workshop organised by Xpressi-R.. yes, XPressi-R, d ramadan youth challenge project group which ana was involved in laz yr. yepz.. d workshop was not bad.. Ana learn a lot about the capturing good photos tingy but as for d blog tingy, ana actually already know wad you taught, bro saiful.. no offence to anta lar.. anta good at teaching but ana suppose we already know those stuff actually.. hehe.. well, all d bez to xpr! u guyz haf my support. Ana understand how it feels like. laz yr's was erhem! no mention of anth.. censored.. haha..

Hmm.. sumone said dat laz yr ana was dis little girl and within a year, ana changed. Alhamdulillah.. ana changed to improve myself in becoming a better person, just for Allah swt, not for anyone nor anything else. Well, ana practically changed wardrobe ana.. Before -> jeans, long sleeved shirts, kurta, hand socks.. Now -> kurta, long skirts, long pants (not track pants, dey r d trousers type ler), jubah, hand socks, socks.. Hmm.. ana feel that ana feel more comfortable dressing up the way ana dress up now.. Alhamdulillah..

Kay lah.. datz all for now.. Wabillahi taufik wal hidayah wassalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh..

2006-09-05T08:16:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Hmm.. Ana blog semula kerana suhu badan ana sudah pun berkurangan. Ana demam semenjak beberapa hari yang lalu. Ana dah baik, ada org pula demam ya.. kesian dia.. nanti i jaga u k.. haha.. buat hari2 yg ana tak berhubung langsong dgn si dia yg tersayang, ana dpt fikirkan dgn dlm lagi.. fikir apa? segala-galanya.. pada jangka waktu itu juga, ana telah membaca satu novel bertajuk Hatiku Bersuara.. Situasinya agak sama dengan situasi ana, except part mereka kahwin lar.. haha.. Ana telah membaca novel itu dan ia telah banyak mengajar ana tentang ketabahan, kesabaran dan sefahaman dlm menyayangi seorang insan.. Ana dah byk mempelajarinya.. Alhamdulillah.. Dan dlm jangka masa itu, ana dpt meyakinkan diri ana lagi siapa yg bertakhta di hati.. tak lain tak bkn.. si dia.. haha.. tak perlulah tau kay.. org tu dah tau dah bagos.. apabila insan tu kol ana sabtu lalu, telah terjawab segala resah di jiwa ana.. Alhamdulillah.. ya, ana tau anta syg ana walaupun anta tak tunjuk, kay syg.. n dat drawing is really beautiful.. ikhlas ana katakan.. even tho it so doesn't look lyk any of us.. haha.. tetapi, semuanya berlandaskan keikhlasan di hati kan..? ana dah benar2 selidik dlm punyalah dlm.. dah dpt mentafsirkan apa yg tersirat di dlm lubuk hati ana.. dan ana benar2 menyayanginya walau apa pun jua.. ntah naper eh but itz getting really serious.. dialah insan yg bertakhta di hati dan dialah insan yg tidak pudar dari ingatan.. perasaan syg kian menjelma buat jangka waktu yg agak lama dan ana yakin akan perasaan ana terhadapnya.. ana menyayanginya dgn seadanya, bkn luaran, tetapi dalaman.. bukan harta kekayaan mahupun kata2 manis.. ana bukannya seseorang yg mudah terpedaya dgn itu semua.. ikhlas ana ckp, hati ana terpaut pada dirinya pertama kali ana mengenalinya.. tetapi, itu hanya perasaan suka.. kami lost contact buat seketika dan kemudiannya dpt berhubung semula selepas ramadan youth challenge.. mungkin anda yg membaca entry ini akan mengatakan, "wah.. sempat eh..".. tetapi ana tidak berfikiran gi2, bagi ana, seperti ada hikmah di sebaliknya.. hikmah di sebalik mengapa ana teringin sgt utk menjadi komiti ramadan youth challenge walaupun niat ana yg asalnya ialah untuk mendekatkan lagi diri ana dgn Islam dan juga mengenali aktivis2 yg lain supaya ana dpt mempelajari lebih lagi drpd mereka terutama skali drpd mereka yg sudah lama di dlm bidang ini.. ntah lar.. bagi ana, ini semua ketentuan Illahi.. dan ana redha dgn apa jua yg bakal berlaku.. ana redha Ya Allah.. bagi ana, ana benar2 menyayanginya.. kejujurannya, keikhlasannya, ketaqwaannya, hormatnya dia kepada org tuanya, sayangnya dia kepada org tuanya, kesabarannya, ketabahannya.. ini sumer merantai jiwa ana..

Andainya dapat engkau mendengarkan suara di hatiku melagukan rindu
Kiranya engkau mampu mentafsirkan setiap bait kata-kata yang terucap
Pasti dirimu kan memahami harapan kasih yang terbina sekian lama di sudut hatiku
Hanyalah untukmu

Bukanlah aku sengaja melindungi rasa di jiwa
Namun bimbang diri kan terleka
Hanyut dibuai angan dan mimpi indah hingga terabai segala cita
Sedang khayalan tak menjanjikan segunung kebahagiaan sebagai mahar hantaran
Apakah mungkin engkau mengerti setiap cinta yang dilafazakan
Bukanlah sekadar mainan tetapi sebuah janji

Andainya dapat engkau mendengarkan suara di hatiku melagukan rindu
Kiranya engkau bisa mentafsirkan setiap bait kata-kata yang terungkap
Pasti dirimu dapat melihat rahsia kasih yang terpendam sekian lama di sudut hatiku
Hanyalah untukmu
Selamanya..

2006-08-23T22:01:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

Ana tidak beberapa sihat akhir2 ini.. Ana asyik teringatkan insan yang tersayang.. Entahlah, pedih hati ini bila memikirkan kedudukan dirinya sekarang.. Kami sudah terlalu jarang berbual, tidak seperti dulu lagi. Hanya Tuhan dan dirinya yang tahu mengapa. Bagi ana, ana tiada masalah dengannya untuk tidak berbual dan bertanyakan khabarnya.. Ana tahu perasaan ana terhadap dirinya masih bersemi tetapi ana percaya dia tidak pernah begitu. Ana redha dengan ketentuan Illahi. Ana benar2 redha, ya Allah.. Ana tidak sedikit pun menyesali diberi kehidupan sebegini meskipun ini bukannya kali pertama ana harus melalui penderitaan dan penyeksaan hati dan sanubari. Bagi ana, ini merupakan dugaan bagi menguji keteguhan iman dan aqidah ana. Ana yakin dugaan merupakan rahmatMu jua, Ya Allah, dan ana bersyukur diberi dugaan sebagai rahmat. Semoga ana dapat mendekatkan diri lagi denganMu, ya Allah. Ana sedar dengan dugaan yang sering mendatang tanpa diundang. Sepertimana yang pernah ana katakan dahulu, hidup ana didatangi pelbagai dugaan dan dugaan sakit jua lazim bagi diri ana. Walau bagaimanapun, ana redha dengan ketentuanMu, Ya Allah..

Ramai daripada rakan2 ana yang mengatakan bahawa ianya tidak berguna bagi ana tumpukan perhatian pada seorang lelaki yang tampaknya tidak mengambil berat langsung tentang diri ana. Tetapi, apakan daya, ianya soal hati. Bagi ana, dialah insan yang sangat sempurna. Tiada sesiapa pun yang berhak menentukan apa yang terbaik buat diri ana melainkan Tuhan, umi dan ayah, dan juga diri ana sendiri. Ana sebenarnya benar2 tidak suka apabila mereka mengatakan begitu.. Ia bahkan membuat hati ana lebih terluka.. Ana tidak percayakan nasib tetapi ana percayakan dugaan.. Apa yang berlaku bukannya nasib tetapi dugaan, bagi Allah swt menguji hamba2Nya.. Dan ana jujur mengatakan bahawa ana benar2 bersyukur diberi ujian..

Yang pastinya kini, dialah insan yang pertama yang byk mengubahkan diri ana menjadi lebih baik dan beriman. Ana betul2 bersyukur ditemukan dengannya. Walaupun tiada apa2 di antara kita, tetapi hanya sebagai kawan.. Ia mungkin sangat memedihkan dan menyakitkan hati tetapi, apakan daya.. Mungkin sudah ditentukan Illahi sebegini.. Ana tetap bersyukur ditemukan dengannya. Ana benar2 bersyukur..

Dialah insan yang pertama:
---yang menyedarkan ana bahawa pertolongan Allah swt wujud pada masa kita kesusahan dan kita tidak boleh walau sekalipun berputus asa, tetapi redha
---yang ianya tidak mustahil bagi ana menyayangi seorang insan lagi
---yang membuat ana mahu mendekatkan diri lagi pada Allah swt dan agama
---yang menyedarkan diri ana bahawa masih ada lelaki yang baik2 di dunia ini
---yang memberikan begitu banyak kepercayaan kepada diri ana
---yang membuat ana rasakan bahawa diri ana masih diperlukan
---yang membuat ana mahu memakai jubah
---yang tersangatlah jujur dengan ana
---yang membuat ana terkagum akan dirinya
---yang membuat ana tunduk apabila bersamanya tanda hormat
---yang tidak mungkin dapat ana gantikan dengan yang lain
---yang ana sayangi, ingati dan sematkan di dalam hati pada setiap degupan jantung, selain Allah swt
---yang ana betul2 kagumi dan hormati
---yang membuat jantung ana beat faster and slower at the same time
---yang sangatlah istimewa

Entah mengapa, hingga detik ini dan entah sampai bila, DIALAH YANG TERISTIMEWA......

2006-08-10T22:05:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh (peace be upon u)

Alhamdulillah (Thank God), my beloved aceh kids have safely reached Singapore. Aww.. my cutie-pies. Will be sight-seeing with dem tmr and I simply can't wait. I know some people would go, "Another project, Farz???".. My answer is, "oh yes darlings, another wonderful project".. Okay, newayz, been mugging for exams... Oh yes, and I really mean mugging! Perhaps, I'm nerdifying but well, who cares anymore these dayz? No life minahs and mats? Eh hello!!! I dun care okayz! I admit I'm the typical student who goes to school, come back and study until 2-3am, tutor to earn some money to support myself, get committed to some wonderful things in life which not everyone enjoys that is being a Muslim Youth Activist! Oh yes, I love being one and I'm proud of it. If you think I'm a nerd, I so don't care, u can lyk talk to my tentacles!

Oooh nehowz, I realise dat I've not completed the stupid E-Maths worksheet.. How cud I? I practically spent Tuesday sleeping like I've never slept before.. It was so nice being able to enjoy the comfort of the bed.. aww.... that was like a very rare experience okayz.. Been mugging so ya.. shows how much I've not been getting enough sleep.. shows where the heckardz I got my eyebags which would be drooping soon like some dunno-wad dogs, and it DEFINITELY shows how much I've been putting in effort in order to succeed and improve my grades.. like even though I myt not improve now, I still have Final Year Exam hello!!! so stop bugging me to improve now u no life idiotz! And waddaheck.. I so agree with u Flo! Teachers tink our class gonna like sink to d core of d earth like waddaheck.. STOP DEMORALISING US!!! we've got feelings though you don't, okay! Oh right, letz face the fact that our class consists of d can-be-bothered attitude and the cannot-be-bothered attitude.. But hu cares? Itz up to an individual on whether she wants to do well and I belong to d can-be-bothered attitude. So, at least, STOP DEMORALISING ME! itz like so rare for me to sit in front of the computer unless I've got sumting to do.. tsk.. I practically threw away my 'SIMS' game because it kills me softly and slowly everytime I see it. Oh right, wad a painful sight that is!

Sheeshness, I came to realise that I've not been having proper meals. And my doctor thinks I cannot be bothered with my gastric pain anymore! Itz not abt can't be bothered u idiot! Itz abt no tym to bother! Itz lyk every second that's ticking seems to make a difference in my life u noe! Argh!!! And I've not been having ample rest which I ought to have in order to help relieve my slip disc but well, u tink I can even breathe with so much pressure! I practically get pressure everywhere I turn to. Been locking myself in my room. Dun get me wrong, I'm not suffering from utter depression! Hello, I'm still on my rightest sense! I've been mugging! Yes, mugging! I dun even noe wadz going on in the world, besides the terrorism of the Jews! Hello, those ill-treatments are worse than the holocaust by Hitler okay! Can't the UN do sumting abt it??? Caz I would have brought Hitler back from the dead if I could demmit! Caz by commenting and criticising what the Jews are doing isn't enough! I swear it isn't! People killing, people dying, CHILDREN HURTING, we c dem crying! Do sumting demmit, do sumting!!! I know how much you hate MUSLIMS but at least do sumting for the sake of humankind! wad species are u! sheeshness!!! And those idiotic no lyf MUSLIMS hu claim they jihad which dey are so not! Hello, jihad is not killing innocent lives! From which mazhab you all learn all these!!!??? Eh hello, can u all like learn more about Islam especially, on Jihad, caz seriously, you peepz noe nothing about it! By suicide-bombing, it takes u to HELL, not Jannah! stupid idiotz! Go dig ur own grave next tym and dun expect ppl to bury ur filthy unfixable pieces! Wad a disgrace to the Muslim society! Waddaheckardz! Even my younger brother noes what the heckard Jihad is about; and what Islam is al about in the first place. Islam is about peace, u filthy moronz! go and read about what Nabi (saw) did for Jihad! Stop doing everything your own way caz seriously, what you did and perhaps, what you intend to do, ARE LYK PSYCHOTIC IDIOTIC BUSINESSES!!! u do it for fame! u're not doing it to defend Islam! u want fame! u got fame as IDIOTIC MUSLIM ASSPITZ!!!

2006-07-26T21:40:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarrakatuh

Ana berasa sungguh tersentuh dengan mereka yang cuba untuk memberi nasihat kepada Ana. Syukran. Tetapi, di sebalik nasihat-nasihat tersebut, Ana agak tersinggung dengan soalan-soalan yang ditujukan. Ana mendiamkan diri sebagai tanda bahawa Ana tidak mahu menjawab soalan-soalan sedemikian rupa. Ada yang mendesak tetapi ada yang dapat memahami Ana. Syukran kepada yang memahami. Ana menghargainya.

Hari ini, Ana tidak dapat menumpukan perhatian Ana di kelas. Fikiran Ana sangat terganggu. Ana tidak dapat melupakan perbualan Ana dan dia, insan yang disayangi. Dia kelihatan begitu tersentuh sehinggakan dia tidak dapat menahan airmatanya daripada mengalir. Ana tidak menyangka bahawa ianya akan begitu menyentuh hatinya. Ana bersyukur kepada hadrat Illahi sekiranya dia sedar segalanya yang berlaku ke atas diri Ana dan betapa tertekannya Ana selama ini. Buat masa kini, Ana hanya ingin memahami dirinya. Malangnya, dia seakan-akan masih mahu berahsia dengan Ana. Entahlah.. Yang Ana tahu, dia seakan-akan mahu memberitahu Ana sesuatu daripada perbualan kami semalam. Mungkin mesej yang dapat Ana terima itu benar, mungkin tidak. Hanya Allah swt yang tahu.. Ana berharap bahawa benarlah apa yang Ana fikirkan ini. Ana tahu bahawa dia mahu Ana fahami bahawa dia bermasalah tetapi bagaimana dapat Ana fahami dirinya jikalau dia terus berahsia daripada Ana. Ya Allah, hanya Kau yang tahu apa yang terpahat di hati kami, sesungguhnya Kau Maha Mengetahui. Sesungguhnya hambaMu ini hanya inginkan kepastian. Ana hanya mahukan kepastian daripadaNya. Menurut apa yang dikatakan semalam, dia seperti mahu memberitahu Ana perasaanya tetapi apakah yang terpahat di hatinya? Setiap kali Ana fikirkan bahawa dia akan berterus terang, dia akan meninggalkan Ana di dalam keadaan tertanya-tanya. Dia sering berkata, "Hanya Tuhan Yang Tahu".. Memang benar pepatah itu tetapi kadangkala, ada insan yang lain yang harus tahu isi hati kita. Ana tidak mahu memaksanya dan Ana sudah lazim dengan dirinya sedemikian rupa.

Ana sekarang bukannya Ana yang dulu lagi. Ana tidak segan untuk menyatakan begitu kerana Ana tahu bagaimana perangai Ana yang dulu. Sesiapa jua boleh berubah dan lain insan berubah mengikut samada kehendak mahupun ketulusan hati sendiri. Bagi Ana, Ana ikhlas untuk kembali kepada jalan yang benar iaitu jalan yang dirahmati Allah swt. Insya'Allah..Ana hanya dapat berdoa semoga Allah swt menerima taubat Ana. Sesungguhnya airmata taubat itu lebih bernilai daripada permata. Semenjak Ana mempelajari dalil-dalil Al-Quran di kelas aqidah Ustazah Hazlinda, Ana lebih berminat untuk mempelajari agama. Islam merupakan agama yang sungguh mulia. Islam ialah keamanan. Keamanan itu membawa ketenangan. Ketenangan merupakan sesuatu yang sangat diperlukan oleh mana-mana insan di dunia ini. Ana dapat melihat akan betapa pentingnya agama di dalam kehidupan kita. Agama seseorang dapat mencorak gaya kehidupannya. Lihatlah anak-anak muda di luar masa kini, terutama sekali mereka yang menggelar diri mereka Muslim. Muslim dari hati yang ikhlas beramal soleh ataupun Muslim dari zahirnya sahaja? Kita sebagai Hamba Allah yang mengikut ajaran agama, jangan pula kita berfikiran bahawa kita ini sempurna. Sebagai manusia, kita ada kejahilan tersendiri. Ana juga sedar kejahilan Ana meskipun sudah bertaubat ke jalan Allah swt. Manusia dijadikan dengan kekuatan dan kelemahan masing-masing. Bisikan syaitan jin dan syaitan manusia lebih melemahkan kita. Amalan dan keteguhan iman yang dapat menjadi pendinding umat. Tidak pernahkah terlintas di fikiran antum siapa antum di mata Allah swt? Ana sering tertanya-tanya. Jawapan itu tidak akan diketahui sehingga Hari Akhirat, apabila amalan dan dosa kita ditimbang. Manusia sering mengira amalan yang dilakukannya tetapi pernahkah meraka mengira dosa mereka? Kenapa meraka boleh mengira amalan mereka dan bukan dosa? Ia kerana amalan yang dilakukan boleh dikira tetapi dosa yang dilakukan tidak terkira. Itu fikiran realistik bukan? Ada yang hanya ingin bertaubat di hari tua tetapi tahukah antum sehingga bila antum boleh menikmati dunia yang fana ini? Baru-baru ini, kita dapat tahu di keratan akhbar tentang kematian yang mengejut oleh beberapa insan. Tidakkah terlintas di fikiran antum bila hari antum? Mungkin esok? Adakah antum merasakan bahawa antum sudah bersedia untuk bertemu Allah swt? Bagi Ana, Ana belum dan masih mengharapkan belas kasihan daripada Allah swt untuk menerima taubat Ana. Bagi yang merasakan diri mereka sempurna, fikirlah lagi samada antum sudah mengecapi segala yang harus ada pada seseorang yang digelar Muslimin ataupun Muslimah. Dengan terteranya perkataan Malay di kad pengenalan tidak bermakna antum Muslim. Benar bukan bahawa sudah ramai Malay yang bukan lagi Muslim pada abad ini? Amalan kita yang menentukan samada kita Muslim, bukan lafaz dari bibir kita. Adakah antum merasakan bahawa agama Islam itu menyusahkan? Sebenarnya, orang Islam sendiri yang membuat agama Islam susah. Yang halal, dikatakan haram. Di antara halal dan haram, berapa banyak halal yang dapat kita nikmati. Pernahkah antum terfikir dengan keadilan Allah swt? Bagi solat fardhu 5 waktu, susahkah bagi antum melakukannya? Susahkah? 5 waktu sahaja! Dan satu solat itu paling lama 15 minit. Apa yang susah sangat? 15 minit itu lama? Antum boleh menonton televisyen daripada satu rancangan ke rancangan yang lain tetapi antum tidak merungut pun? Agama itu susah? Astaghfirullahal azim.. Lupakah antum bahawa hanya satu golongan yang akan dapat menikmati syurga? Lupakah antum akan siksa kubur dan siksa neraka yang sungguh mengerikan? Apabila kita disiksa, kita bersendirian, keseorangan. Lupakah antum!? Lupakah antum!? Kenikmatan dunia yang sementara diagungkan tetapi kenikmatan syurga yang berkekalan abadi dipinggirkan. Apakah ini sifat seorang Muslim? Bertaubatlah sebelum terlewat. Jangan kita tunggukan hari tua kerana kita tidak tahu bila giliran kita pulang ke Illahi. Jangan menantikan hari esok kerana pintu taubat kita tidak akan buka buat selamanya. Jangan tunggu seruan untuk bertaubat kerana ianya mungkin tidak akan tiba. Ana harap post entry Ana hari ini dapat mendorong antum untuk bertaubat.

Wabillahitaufik walhidayah wassalamualaikum warrahmatullahi ta'ala wabarrakatuh

2006-07-26T21:25:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarrakatu

Mula-mula, Ana ingin memohon ampun kerana tidak memberi salam pada post entry Ana sebelum post entry yang ini. Ana mendapat tahu ada beberapa Hamba Allah swt yang membaca post entry Ana yang itu. Ana berharap sesiapa yang membaca post entry tersebut selepas ini tidak akan bertanya-tanya Ana siapa insan yang Ana maksudkan mahupun apa yang terjadi. Ana tidak begitu selesa apabila ditanyakan sedemikian rupa. Harap antum faham perasaan Ana apabila ditujukan beberapa soalan yang agak sukar bagi Ana jawabkan kerana jawapan-jawapan bagi soalan-soalan tersebut agak personal. Mungkin ada sebahagian daripada antum yang berfikiran bahawa itu adalah sebuah entry blog dan jsuteru itu, ia boleh dibaca oleh sesiapa jua. Memang benar ia boleh dibaca ettapi ianya bukan sesuatu untuk dinikmati. Ia kerana ianya bukan a form of entertainment. Malah, ia merupakan luahan isi hati bagi seseorang insan. Harap antum maklum. Ana mohon kepada sesiapa yang agak tersinggung. Di sini, Ana bukannya fokus kepada satu pihak. Malah, Ana fokus secara kesuluruhannya. Justeru itu, Ana harap tiada sesiapa yang akan tersinggung dan mula menjauhi diri Ana, ya.

2006-07-25T22:17:00.000+08:00

Segenggam tabah buat bekalan di sepanjang perjalanan.. Itulah kata-kata yang membantu ana kuatkan semangat untuk berjuang di dalam hidup yang penuh panca roba.. Ana yakin akan rahmat Tuhan yang melangit luas.. Setiap kesukaran di dalam kehidupan seharian, ada hikmahnya. Ana yakin akan keagungan Tuhan dan keadilanNya.. Setiap liku kehidupan akan Ana tempuhi dengan tabah.. Ana sudah bertekad untuk berusaha di dalam apa sahaja yang Ana ceburi dan redha dengan ketentuan Illahi.. Jika Ana tidak berjaya, mungkin itulah waktunya Tuhan mahu Ana bekerja dengan lebih tekun.. Ana redha tidak bererti Ana pasrah. Dengan merungut apabila musibah menimpa diri, tidak akan membantu perbaikinya. Dengan merungut juga, masa tidak akan mengulangi kejadian itu bagi kita memperbaikinya sebelum ia menjadi suatu musibah. Justeru itu, redhalah dengan segala yang terjadi kerana Allah swt itu lebih mengetahui apa yang baik dan buruk untuk diri kita.

Kata-kata Ustazah Hazlinda tempoh hari masih terngiang-ngiang di telinga Ana. Pelajaran Aqidah membantu Ana teguhkan iman. Juga dengan bimbingan Ustazah Hazlinda, Ana lebih menyayangi agama. Dalil-dalil daripada Al-Quran juga membantu yakinkan Ana akan betapa untungnya Ana dilahirkan Muslim. Ana beryukur kepada Illahi kerana memberikan hidayah sebeluim terlambat. Ana dapat merasakan betapa kerdilnya diri Ana. Buat masa kini, Ana hanya dapat berdoa supaya Allah swt menerima taubat Ana. Sesungguhnya Allah swt maha pengampun. Lagu yang didendangkan kumpulan nasyid Mestica berjudul Destinasi Cinta juga membantu Ana meneguhkan iman di hati..

Menyingkap tirai hati
Mengintai keampunan
Di halaman subur rahmatMu Tuhan
Tiap jejak nan bertapak
Debu kejahilan
Akan kujirus dengan madu keimanan

Tak ternilai air mata dengan permata
Yang bisa memadamkan api neraka
Andai benar mengalir dari nasuha nurani
Takkan berpaling pada palsu duniawi

Destinasi cinta yang kucari sebenarnya terlalu hampir
Hanya kabur kerana dosa di dalam hati
Telah kuredah daerah cinta
Yang lahir dari wajah yang alpa
Tiada tenang kutemui
Hanya kecewa menyelubungi

Ku gelintar segenap maya
Dambakan sebutir hakikat
Untukku semai menjadi sepohon makrifat
Moga dapat ku berteduh di rendang kasihMu

Namun ranjaunya tidak akan sunyi
Selagi denyut nadi belum berhenti
Durjana syaitan kan cuba menodai
Segumpal darah bernama hati

Lestarikan wadi kalbuku, Oh Tuhanku
Leraikan aku dari pautan nafsu
Biarpun sukar bagiku melamar redhaMu
Namun masihku mengharap ampunanMu
Wahai Tuhanku, Ya Allah..

Buat masa kini, fikiran Ana sering berkecamuk. Diri Ana bagaikan diselimuti begitu banyak masalah. Masalah sakit sudah lazim buat diri Ana. Kini, perasaan yang sudah lama terpahat di dalam hati juga menjadi masalah bagi Ana. Perasaan yang Ana maksudkan ialah perasaan kasih sayang kepada seseorang insan yang layak digelar kekasih. Kasih sayang itu tidak Ana rasa terbalas. Perasaan sayang yang berputik semakin hari semakin semarak di dalam hati. Tetapi, adakah dia tahu perasaan Ana kepadanya. Ana tahu Ana tidak salah lagi. Ana tidak ingin mendustai hati Ana dan Ana yakin bahawa Ana sangat menyayangi dirinya dengan setulus hati. Tetapi, Ana masih tidak tahu bagaimana akhirnya perasaan sayang Ana kepadanya. Adakah ia akan terbalas ataupun ianya akan dibiarkan sehingga ia terlerai begitu sahaja? Pernah dia nyatakan untuk Ana menunggunya tetapi akankah dia tepati janjinya atau ianya hanya omongan kosong? Dia merupakan insan yang pertama yang berjaya membuka hati Ana untuk bercinta semula dan dialah insan yang pertama yang dapat menyakinkan Ana bahawa masih ada insan yang mulia di dunia ini. Dirinya itu sungguh mulia bagi Ana dan Ana tidak pasti jika Ana akan bertemu dengan seseorang sepertinya jua. Dirinya itu sungguh berharga buat Ana dan mengenalinya itu bagaikan sebuah hadiah dari syurga. Tetapi, apakah isi hatinya? Sehingga kini Ana masih tertanya-tanya apa yang terpahat di hatinya. Adakah insan lain di hatinya? Jikalau benarlah ada insan lain di hatinya, Ana hanya dapat mengundur diri.. Ana yakin itulah yang terbaik buat Ana dan dirinya. Ana hanya dapat mendoakan semoga dia bahagia. Bagi Ana, Ana hanya mahukan yang terbaik buat dirinya, insan yang Ana sayangi. Tetapi, jawapan bagi segala tanda tanya yang ada pada diri Ana masih belum terjawab.. Adakah dia tahu isi hati Ana dan juga perasaan sayang Ana terhadap dirinya? Hingga kini Ana masih tertanya-tanya.. Mungkin sudah suratan hidup Ana begini. Ana redha.. Kasih sayang Tuhan itu berkekalan abadi.. Mungkin inilah dugaan hidup Ana. Ana redha, Ya Allah..

Layar Keinsafan & Destinasi Cinta

2006-07-08T20:57:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarrakatuh..

Hmm.. tmr is d start of PERGAS!! YAY!! So excited!! Hmmz.. Alhamdulillah I'm accepted by PERGAS.. I've vowed to study really hard n do well n getta becum an ustazah.. Oh yes.. becoming an ustazah is one of my ambitions.. Insya'Allah.. I hope by being in PERGAS, I'll be able to becum a better person too.. I've heard of a lot of nice tings abt PERGAS from others.. Hmmz.. Ya Allah, bantuilah HambaMu ini supaya dpt mencapai cita2..

Sepi benar senja ini
Bayunya semilir menganak ombak kecil
Jalur ufuk pula mengemas terang
Kapal dan layar terkapar

Mengapa nantikan senja
Barukan terdetik
Pulang ke pengkalan
Gusar malam menghampiri
Ku tewas di lautan

Tuhan,
Layarkan ku ke arah cintaMu
Tuntuni ku menggapai redhaMu
Rimbunan kasihMu ku berteduh
KepadaMu ya Tuhan

Berikan secebis keinsafan
Bekalan sepanjang perjalanan
Mencari ketenangan

Biar Kau menjadi saksi
Tulus tangisku kala dini hari
Kesempatan yang hanya sebentar
Moga keikhlasanku terlakar

Berikanlahku hidayah
Agar dikuatkan iman yang lemah
Moga diberkati hidup ini
Menuju bahagia yang kekal abadi

Padamu Tuhan kan ku serahkan cinta kepadamu

Harapanku moga dikurniakan
Masninya iman berpanjangan
Moga lautan hilang gelora
Untukku berlayar

Ya Allah, jangan kau palingkan hati ini setelah diberi hidayah.. Rahmatilah kehidupanku.. Gosh.. D feeling is coming back to me.. d feeling is really coming back to me.. Kay.. Breathe in breathe out.. Ya Allah..

I can't help tinking abt my dark past.. I dun wish to remember dem but dey're still coming back to me.. Been thru changes but at tyms, I'm still tinking abt d past.. Astaghfirullahal azim.. Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim.. Terimalah taubat hambaMu ini Ya Allah..

Menyingkap tirai hati
Mengintai keampunan
Di halaman subur rahmatMu Tuhan
Tiap jejak nan bertapak debu kejahilan
Akan ku jirus dengan madu keimanan

Tak ternilai airmata dengan permata
Yang bisa memadamkan api neraka
Andai benar mengalir dari nasuha nurani
Takkan berpaling pada palsu duniawi

Destinasi cinta yang ku cari
Sebenarnya terlalu hampir
Hanya kabur kerana dosa di dalam hati
Telahku redah daerah cinta
Yang lahir dari wadah yang alpa
Tiada tenang ku temui
Hanya kecewa menyelubungi

Ku gelintar segenap maya
Dambakan sebutir hakikat
Untukku semai menjadi sepohon makrifat
Moga dapatku berteduh di rendang kasihMu

Namun ranjaunya tidak akan sunyi
Selagi denyut nadi belum berhenti
Durjana syaitan akan cuba menodai
Segumpal darah bernama hati

Lestarikan wadi kalbuku
Oh Tuhanku
Leraikan aku dari pautan nafsu
Biarpun sukar bagiku melamar redhaMu
Namun masihku mengharap ampunanMu
Wahai Tuhanku.. Ya Allah..

Haiz.. I guess Igotta relax myself and zikir and wadever it is dat wud make myself feel more relaxed and comfortable.. I needa go now.. I'm really tired from all d shopping today n plus I really needa cry my hearts out and then go off to bed since tmr hafta wake up early for PERGAS.. so ya.. Wassalam..

2006-07-05T20:49:00.000+08:00

A'kum wr wb.. Currently at home, slacking.. haha.. itz very rare for me to slack dese dayz kayz.. Been studying lyk sum downtown nerd.. tsk tsk.. Argh!! Kayz.. currently feeling really exhausted so ya.. my whole body is aching.. Ya Allah, Kau berikanlah kekuatan kepada hambaMu ini agar dpt menimba ilmu hingga ke menara gading.. Hanya kepadaMu, aku dapat memohon segala.. Haiz.. I'm currently tuning in to some nasyid and I'm feeling so down.. Ya Allah, terimalah taubat hambaMu ini.. I wasted 15 years of my life enjoying myself, doing what I wanted.. Ya Allah, aku bersyukur kepadaMu kerana telah memberiku hidayah dan kesempatan untuk bertaubat.. I dunno y but tears are starting to well up my eyes.. Why do I haf to feel dis way? Y now and not before? Wadever it is, I'm greatful Allah swt has given me the chance to repent.. I've vowed to start my life anew and afresh.. Only Allah swt noes what I'm feeling right now..

2day has not been a gr8 day for me.. Well, I had some fun with my friends here and dere.. But there were sparks of sadness, disappointment, guilt, anger, etc etc.. Well, I dunno watta do or say nemore.. haiz.. I'm starting to feel dat I can't trust anyone else in my lyf.. Why do I feel like people like to take advantage of me? Izzit true wad sum say abt me? Am I being too unreasonably nice? I doubt so caz I ikhlas tolong org.. Ya Allah, berikanlah petunjuk kepada hambaMu ini.. Haiz.. prolly dis is my dugaan in berdakwah.. Ya Allah, aku berserah kepada ketentuanMu.. Hanya Kau yg Mengetahui segala; yg baik mahupun yg buruk..

Bertali arus dugaan tiba
Menakung sebak airmata

Segenggam tabah dipertahankan
Buat bekalan di perjalanan
Kau ubat luka yang berdarah
Kau balut hati yang calar

Telah tertulis suratan nasibku
Derita buatku ada hikmahnya
Terlukis senyum di bibir lesu
Tak siapa tahu hatiku

Biarpun keruh air di hulu
Mungkinkah jernih di muara
Biarpun jenuh hidup dipalu
Pasti bertemu tenangnya

I'm currently missing someone but well, he seems to be really busy so I dun wish to disturb him.. I wanted to talk to him but itz okay for now I guess.. I supposed I'm feeling kinda better ryt now after talking to my fren, Rahman.. Thx for d comfort Rahman.. I really appreciate it lotz..

Ya Allah!! Now den I remember that d voting tingy for my suria tingy starts now!! Gotta end here n start voting ar!! Wassalam..

HAHA!!!

2006-07-04T09:25:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum wr wb.. Hmmz.. I'm now in the school library.. yay!! haha.. I dropped A Maths and currently, my class is having A Maths so ya.. hehe.. wah!! I'm done with editting my blog.. kinda satisfied.. did dis blog on my own.. as in BY MYSELF kayz.. so ya.. love myself! i rawk! haha.. jk jk.. hmmz.. currently bored, sitting beside Aida's twin!! haha, sori Amirah.. but seriously u look lyk Aida ar!!! still remember laz Friday's incident.. We were having NPCC and then, I took over d Sec 3 squad ar.. We were having squad interaction and then, I wanted to check on the d Sec 1 & Sec 2 squads ar, since I'm supposed to overlook the activities.. chey bah.. mcm CIs gi2.. tho I dun plan to becum one.. haha.. jadi CIs rabakz ar.. org asek kutuk jer.. haha.. kekadang, to cum tink of it, mmg patot pon.. tsk tsk.. nehowz, den ryt, I was lyk walking towards d Sec 2 squad until I saw dis unfabulous figure from afar.. haha!!! N i berterabor back to the Sec 3 squad ar n I was lyk "Aida! Aida!".. mcm kasi danger warning gi2.. haha!!! den d Sec 3s pon kesat air mata dorang n dey were lyk.. "HUH!! WAD D F*** IS SHE DOING HERE!!!".. n i was lyk.. "HOW I NOE SEH!!! ARGH!! MAMPOS!! HOW NI!!! SHE MENYEBOK HERE FOR WAD!! ISH!!!".. den ryt, we all were lyk bitching abt her!! haha!! very funny!! everybody was panicking n bitching abt Aida.. ish ish ish.. buat dosa jer sorang2.. but den nobody can help from bitching abt her seh.. haha!!! den ryt, I tried to bolster myself n walked towards d Sec 2 squad, since I was supposed to overlook d activities seh.. haha!! den, as I got nearer.. n nearer.. n nearer.. n nearer!!! JENG! JENG! JENG! OMG!!! ITZ AMIRAH LAR!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! n i shouted to d Sec 3s that it was Amirah n dey all were laughing n scolding me for being dumb!! Haha!! but still, dey agreed on how alike Amirah looks lyk Aida!! Haha.. both names start with 'A' sum more!! haha!! kaklar! kaklar!

Friday's satisfaction was when I realised how much potential d Sec 3s have in taking over the unit so ya.. bet dey kembang seh.. u ppl dun kembang2 ar read my blog!! haha! I'm also proud of myself for settling their squad's problems.. We had squad interaction.. den dey all tried to lie that they didn't haf any squad problems at all! step i can percaya lyk dat!! haha!! den in d end, they were honest enough to own up.. yay!! den dey all started to be honest with one another, expressing their feelings n all n i was so proud of dem!! Had dis sense of achievements from deep within.. Wad a gr8 feeling! Alhamdulillah tings went as I planned..

Last activity of the day was Unit Activity. D Sec 3s organised Sing-Along session and well, it was not bad.. Still need some improvements.. Aidah's twin was getting on their nerves I supposed considering that she was being really rude! She was getting on my nerves too!! Ish ish ish.. how can lyk dat.. must respect ur seniors.. hmmz.. jgn lar bully diorang tu.. Dey're trying to gain some experiences as NCOs u c.. kesian dorang.. Insya'Allah dey'll make good NCOs.. I see the potential in them.. =)

NPCC Annual Camp 2006

2006-03-17T13:03:00.000+08:00

A'kum wr wb.. Got back from camp yesterday but was too tired to blog.. duh.. Camp was exhausting n hectic n no commentz.. Many tings didn't go the way we wanted it to be which I'm trying to say that it would have gone way better lah duh.. Budden the CIs were impressed.. Well at least I guess so from the way they were telling us the good points during debrief.. but still, our officer, Ms Seah said dat dis is the first camp in her 5-6 yrs with NPCC dat a camp wud have so many activities in 2 days! Isn't dat so amazing!!! Cheers for '05-'06 TKGSNPCC NCOs!!! But hey, many tings happened behind the scene ar.. It was a tolerance camp for our squad.. There was more of a tolerance rather than acceptance.. It was really sad and all lah.. But we got over it all; about PAPD [Project & Planning Department] VS TD [Training Department] by having Dinner together.. Talking about dinner = FOOD!!! We didn't have a proper meal lar heh..

Hmmz.. sumone was talking to next door school guy ar during century duty.. hu ar? hu ar? hahaz.. smangat..

tix: eh, korang bilang aku kalau CIs lalu tau!!
me: yer lar tu.. pasal bebual ngan matair.. oi! aku raser CIs dah tido ar..
syaf: aper kau? ma'am jia may ckp dey wun be sleeping ar..
me: eh? not bad not bad.. dorang nak tido pon uat aper? bukannyer dorang penat pon.. penat menyebok jer ader lerz..
syaf: siak kau farz.. kalau dorang pass camner?
me: haha! gi mampos! peduli aper aku..
syaf: siak btol dier ni..
su: oi korang.. aku nak tido.. diam lar..
*syaf n me look at each other, giving monkey faces*
*d grp hu went for century duty came back*
syaf: go wake d next grp up
su: alamak! spoil ar.. aku aru nak tido.. haiz..
me: lah takper lah.. aku uat utk kau ar.. nanti kau ganti aku.. gi tido ar..
syaf: smangat farz.. kau tak nak tido??
me: takper ar..
*next grp reports.. all muker air liur basi*
tix: farz, aku gi ngan kau!
me: yer.. carik chance nak jumper jantong hati kau tu..
tix: shh!! abeh nak bilang juniors!!??
me: kau suker per.. haha
tix: siak tol!! eh, lekas ar gi.. aku ngantok!
me: kononnyer kau ngantok!! lepas tu sambong bebual.. bill melambong jugak..
tix: eleh, bukannyer aku kol dier, dier yg kol aku.. free incoming! dier yg kena bayar! haha.. lagipon, bukannyer slalu aku dpt hp aku.. mak aku ar ni..
me: yer lar tu.. eh ppl.. 2 rows in front of me move!
*d cadetz all berterabur.. maklumlah, ngantok rabak ar tu..*
*tix n me laugh*
went for century duty n den suddenly got frogs.. me n tix act cool pasal maklomlah, NCO.. step tak takot jer.. padahal, kiter pon kecot seh nampak katak! haha! den d katakz all gi pat budak NCC TKSS.. haha.. dorang lak ngah tido mcm mayat jer sampai katak gi pat dorang pon dorang tak sedar.. haha.. padan muka!! wakakaka!
*come back from century duty*
me: ppl, continue another round of century duty n report back to us.. d faster u all do, d faster u all can head baq to slp.. do u understand?
cadets: yes ma'am!
*cadetz pon cam kelam kabot uat duty.. haha.. kiasu.. tapi muker slumber*
me: aik, sumer yg bebual rancak tadi dah condemn? camner ni??
syaf: huh? *muker ngantok*
me: takder, next grp saper ni gi uat? aku penat ar..
*tix sit baq at bench continue toking to erhem*
syaf: ah, takperlah aku uat..
me: eh, spatotnyer su yg kener uat.. kau gi tido ar.. nanti aku kejot dier.. if dier tak bangon, aku uat ar.. kesian ar kau..
syaf: takper farz.. kau yg gi tido! dah lah penat jager casualities tadi..
me: haha.. ya ar.. but aku kesian lak ngan korang seh.. ntah naper..
syaf: yer ar tu.. kau tak abes sacrifice..
me: step kau tak gi2 eh..
syaf: yer ar tu.. kita dua ar.. hehe
me: hehe..

kay datz all lar.. penat type.. A'kum wr wb..

2005-10-19T21:55:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarrakatuh.. Hmmz.. well, currently really bored.. chatting with my ex-primary schoolmate, Musaddiq.. well, itz alwayz d same related topic, "ISLAM". Datz lyk d moz interesting topic you can find kayz.. We were conversing about youths these days who do not seem to be taking their religion matters seriously.. such as fasting. It is noticable that youths still hang out at their usual hang outs such as fast food restaurants and coffee bars. Firstly, you would be thinking what they're doing there for? Well, if you were to think positively, some of them were there just to meet up a fren or 2. And if you were to think d total opposite of that, they're having a meal tehre. A meal during the month of Ramadan? Strange isn't it? Well, mebbe for d past it would be a rare incident. Only Allah swt knows. But now, those youths do not even seem to care. They can just dine in. Even if they do not feel the shame, we, as other Muslims do have d shame for them. Becaz, the non-Muslims wud ask or say things such as, "I thought it's the fasting month? Why are some Muslims not fasting?" To think about it, what answer can you give them? NONE! You can't simply create false answers such as, "Oh, they are not Muslims" What make you think they aren't Muslims? Only Allah swt would know if HIS servants are Muslims or not. We as HIS servants ain't got any rights. And what makes you think that those people are even Muslims. Have you ever heard of Malays who are non-Muslims? If you haven't, it does exist kayz. Newayz, letz drop dat topic, unless you wanna talk abt it, juz holler. Juz contact me. Insya'allah I'll be there to answer the calls. That's if I ain't busy. Newayz, he tagged my blog! Argh!!! I'm so happy! Bro Imran cute ar.. as-zee.. ahahaha.. Asz, datz a very sweet tingy u tagged. I'm deeply touched beyond words. Ouh manz! Dat is really emotional of me. Dere! Told ya peepz dere's lyk d softer side of me! I got my Chemistry and A Maths papers back today. Like what I expected, they were not well done at all. Izzit really my fault that I haven't done well? Izzit really my fault when I've put in so much effort? I've put my heart and soul in everything I do. My studies which determines my future, my work which determines whether my project can be carried out successfully. Simply everything. I'm a very determined person who takes things seriously especially those of the important aspects of my life. I regret praying and venting my anger when performing my prayers. I even asked Allah swt, "Oh Allah! Why me you hafta make suffer? Why me? Why do I hafta develop all sorts of illnesses? Why am I alwayz punished? Why me? Dere are so many people out dere who are worth punishing, but y me? I hate my life Oh Allah. Itz all because of my illness that I can't have the life I had and wished to continue. I cannot enjoy studying peacefully like before and being able to attend school everyday and being able to pay attention every lesson like before," Astaghfirullah hal azim! Now, I'm left thinking on why I actually said all those. I had a good talk with Bro Imran. He really cheered me up. Now, I've been telling myself what I usually tell others in order to comfort them, "Everything happens for a reason or 2. It's all decided by Allah swt and we, humanz have no rights and strengths to go against HIM, the Almighty. Considering that I've put in so much effort, I just hafta tawakkal. I know that Allah swt is very kind and would help HIS servants, provided we obey HIM. Our prayers must NEVER be 4gotten. Treasure every single prayer performed because those are the only few moments spent with Allah swt. If afford to, we can pray more than that, hence, haf more moments with Allah swt. People with problems, the only cure is through prayers when one lets out all the feelings trapped deep within. Insya'allah that person would feel much relieved. The miracles of communicating with Allah swt. After feeling mroe relieved, open up the best book ever, the Al-Quran. HE made you feel better, so it's time to praise on how great HE is. Wow, I seem to be talking a lot about Islam today. I really haf so many things in mind. I think I should end my posting here caz I'm really tired right now. Having back ache ar.. Tmr another one whole day.. tsk.. Wabillahitaufik walhidayah wassalamualaikun warrahmatullahi wabarrakatuh..

2005-10-01T20:14:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarrakatuh.. Howz me? Okay2.. juz being discharged from hospital.. I noe sum ppl will be lyk tinking.. again??????? So, my answer is yeh, again.. twice within 7 mths.. cool huh.. Rightt.. In my previous post, I did mention about me not eating well and not resting well and all.. well, dat kinda serve me right.. I'm now suffering from severe gastritis which is lyk developing into stomach ulcer.. I'm outta hospital caz I sucked up and acted good in front of the doctor.. Act, to cum tink of it, I dun hafta act gd, I am gd! ahaha -ego- Nehowz, lyf has been TERRIBLY TERRIBLE.. many unexpected happened in my RYC.. actually, itz more of to XPresi-R.. yeh.. terrible lar.. really terrible.. d tink dat happened is so terrible dat u wun be able to even imagine wad archeli happened. And I'm obviously never gonna mention of it 'ere caz itz top confidential and ONLY RYC committee members can cum to noe of d disaster! Ah well, letz drop dat topic and start a new one.. newayz, final exam is lyk ard d corner.. eh no, it has juz started.. English paper 1 & 2 are over.. Social Studies too.. cuming up wud be Chemistry and A Maths.. ouh good.. u're my own savour.. The English Paper 1 was easy.. but i bet d marking wud be dead strict.. Wherelse, the Paper 2 is so blardy freaking hard dat I cud haf cried caz d passages are so nonsensical dat u'll juz gasp and anyone wud be welcomed to drool at d paper.. Tried to answer the questions given but well, the questtions didn't make me feel any better.. There's juz too many cross-referencing and in ur own words shittified crapz.. And I was so blardy pissed at d level of d paper.. U may tink lyk hell? dis is TKGS.. but hey.. we're humans with brain cells dat wud function only up to certain extent.. I'm not lyk Spiderman, U're frendly neighbourhood fren.. Act. I never have thought dat Spiderman is even smart in d fers place.. Caz he's kinda nerd-looking and not all nerds are smart.. they too, lyk us, drool on our books.. EXAM EXAM EXAM BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS DIE DIE DIE.. datz wad been playing in my mind.. lyk argh! I've already told my RYC committee not to bother me during my exam period.. Even b4 my exam started, when I was in the hospital bed, I had been bothered.. U peepz gotta be serious with me.. I'm having exam!!! Kayz, I noe wad u're tinking.. Farzana's gone mad! Yeh, she's gone mad! Woohoo!!! BUT tell u ppl.. I lurve RYC committee 2005.. damn fun! seriously! Lyk all d fun ppl cuming together and carrying out fun activities.. Dun believe.. u attend d events ar.. Ppl say fun.. caz it is fun! Nehowz.. I still cannot 4get d shock on my face and d shock on Asrul's face when we saw each other during the RYC meeting.. funny ar dat day.. lyk he never expected me and I never expected him.. Lyk hello? we didn't get in contact for sum tym.. each busy with our own tings.. Lyk ya.. newayz, after having RYC mtgs, I started to c him lyk more often.. I noe wad u're tinking.. shh!!!! Newayz, noe wad.. I'm in lurve with IN-TEAM!!! If u listen to nasyid, u noe hu I'm talking abt.. lyk in-team juz rawkz lar! Dey're lyk so IN! yeh! kayz, y am i suddenly talking lyk dis.. Dere's juz too many to talk abt till I dunno where to start.. alryte.. letz talk abt my schedule.. ahaha.. actually.. i m suppose to talk abt dat.. well.. for dis few weeks wud be blardy freaking stupid exam! after exam wud be Mass Iftar aka Youth In Charge.. it wud be a very fun one!!! Sum of my frenz cuming and I'm lyk so excited lar!!! Before dis we had Ramadan Kickoff which I cudn't attend caz I had to go to China.. I'll talk more abt it later.. Nehowz, after Ramadan Kickoff was Project Clean Up aka Youth Recharge and then, we had Ramadan Roar.. well, about my China tingy.. itz actually a business trip.. Me and 23 other students represented Singapore for entrepeneurship.. We're Singapore Teenage Entrepeneurs.. We call ourselves Singateeneurs.. d trip was a very fun one where everyone was so crappy and jovial.. but I gotta admit dat I missed my family and dis particular sumone and my "brothers" a lot ar.. Well, we all actually cum from different schools.. only Jia En cum from same school as me.. ahaha.. newayz, it was a fun but exhausting trip.. but d exhaustion part is lyk MUCH MUCH more till we all wanted to go home so badly.. ahakz.. wah.. I tink I've typed like a lot dat my fingers are going numb and my body seriously aching.. Before I end dis post.. I wud lyk to promote fers!!! U PPL OUT DERE!!! HERE ME OUT RIGHT NOW!!! I'M TALKING ABT U! YEH U! LISTEN UP!!! THERE ARE A LOT OF EVENTS DIS UPCOMING RAMADAN SEASON.. GO TO ANY MOSQUES AND GET YOUR OWN YOUTH PLANNER FOR THE RAMADAN YOUTH CHALLENGE EVENTS TINGY.. JOIN IN THE FUN! DUN JUZ STONE OFF AND DROOL ON THE PLANNER!! MUZ JOIN KAYZ! OR I'LL KEEP TAUNTING AND HAUNTING U ALL! GEDDIT? GEDDIT? SO YA!! FOR MORE INFOS. LOG ON TO.. http://www.ryc.org.sg/ And well, check our my links.. and i'll be uploading more pictures on this blog of mine..So well, I gotta end my post here and go continue study.. wabillahitaufiq walhidayah wassalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarrakatuh..

2005-08-23T11:48:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum wr wb.. itz been so so long since I last updated my dearest blog so here it goes.. lyf has been really hectic for me.. not much rest and all.. skipping of meals have been a routine for me.. well, recess doesn't make dat much difference as I wud be spending my tym studying instead, considering dat I bearly haf tym for anything n ya.. BUT dun get me wrong hor.. I ain't neglecting on my studies.. yepz.. Ah well.. wonder how lyf has been fer me? One word.. HECTIC.. yepz.. really hectic caz I've lotsa commitments to consider. At fers, I only needed to concentrate on studies and NPCC since I'm now an NCO.. whee! but well, sooner or later, lyf got not only busier but MUCH MUCH busier.. seriously lar.. well.. dose ppl close to me wud have known how it has been for me.. rushing and all.. yeh.. ah well, as y'all would have known.. I'm currently in the Ramadhan Youth Challenge committee.. and well, at first we were supposed to just plan and all and MUIS would initiate the project but sumhow, it ended up that we hafta initiate it instead.. And ya.. it was pathetic that we started of the project with 4 people ONLY.. yes.. pathetic ain't it.. and we were practically begging around for help and all.. BUT NO ONE.. as in no organisation at all was willing enough to help us poor innocent souls.. hehe.. It was really sad and all.. as we almost resorted to selling the project to another organisation.. Brother Ashraf and me.. sad as we cud end up to be.. went for the RYC meeting and we were practically very sad ar but we didn't wanna show it and ya.. we updated the RYC committee once agn.. hoping an organisation would sumhow wanna help.. And noe hu's d savour!? Ustaz Ahmad! He suggested that we collaborate with Assyakirin since they too are doing on competitions for Ramadhan Youth Challenge 2005.. And thank god Assyakirin agreed.. if dey didn't.. I wud haunt Hafidz as he's my fren.. ehehe.. Well.. things have been great working with the brothers and our dearest chairman, Ustaz Ahmad Khushairi B Abidin. I even noe his full name.. nyahaz! Newayz, I'm actually XPresi-R Creative & Publicity Unit IC.. whee! And well.. I've been trying to suck up and convince ppl to join.. d number of participations received are still not encouraging enough.. kinda demoralising I muz say.. BUT we're still strong and NEVER gonna give up kayz.. we're lyk practically going the xtra miles such as going to schools n giving talks in order to promote our competitions.. well, we're having Video-R, T-shirt-R, Wallpaper-R and also Graffiti.. Video-R and T-shirt-R seem to be improving though at a very slow pace.. lyk wad I've said.. we're practically going the xtra miles.. we're not gonna disappoint Bro Helmy after so much trust he has on us.. and we hafta prove that we're as reliable as he tinks we are lar.. ehekz.. ah well.. tink I'm gonna talk about XPresi-R committe members.. Our project manager is Bro Hafriz, the person hu can't wait to start a family and have d number of kids which he can actually form a soccer team.. ahakz! Our former Assistant Project Manager hu is now our Public Relation IC is Bro Ridhwan, the person from NUS and ouh ya, he coached his juniors for the Bahas 4pm (4pm debate).. and they won! he's gd ain't he? and he's really nice too.. he wun let anyone bully me juz caz I'm the only ger-gurl and the youngest in the XPresi-R committee.. very brotherly huh? Next is Brother Zack, our current Assistant Project Manager.. very reliable and annoying! Next up is Brother Ashraf, a brotherly not a boy, not yet a man.. he's smart though he often denies it.. He helped me out when I had so much doubts in E-Maths.. Trigonometry stinks PJ's ammonia shirt.. ahaha.. Next in line is Bro Hafidz, our Head of Administration who is attached to a soul by the name of Nadiah (c bro fidz, i actually noe ur gf's name.. nyahaz!).. N our very new members are Bro Imran and Bro Firdaus hu tinks I shud juz call him Firdaus.. Newayz, Bro Imran is our Publication IC and he is a very nice guy too.. very gentleman.. yepz! and Firdaus.. our Head of Logistic and oso d flirtatious one hu is often on the phone with GIRLS.. aiyo.. very bad ar.. and he's supa annoying too.. den, we haf Bro Ramdan hu is our collaborator.. yepz.. he damn funny ar he.. his jokes are lyk so powerful dat ur stomach will definitely ache.. Well.. next up wud be me lar.. d only cute ger-gurl.. ahahaha! D brothers dun dare bully me.. ahahaha.. I'm lyk super innocent lar.. So, datz our committee!!! Whee! Datz all for now and wish us all the best of luck for our future in this RYC tingy.. ehekz.. Wabillahitaufiq walhidayah wassalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarrakatuh.. =)

2005-06-30T02:03:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum wr. wb. Hmmx.. itz now 1.25am and I've just ended my studies. Pretty tired right now especially caz junnow had NPCC.. so ya.. hmmx.. where should I start.. okayz.. let's start from d event yesterday.. well.. I went to school feeling all tired and restless as I slept pretty late the previous night as I was helping Fidz with his English hmwk.. He had to create a poem tingy with the theme; Mother. Since I do haf poetries on that theme.. I was more than willing to help despite being really tired. Moreover, I lurve poetries.. both reading and writing.. yepz.. in both English & Malay languages. I just love the way a poetry would sound.. with all d descriptions which sum of them are like being related to crappified items.. One of my poetry.. I can't remember what I item or situation or wadeva it is I described budden.. I did relate it to a dustbin. So ya.. well.. that's when I was in my hyper mood I guess and so all the craps came up. A day without crapping is so not Farzana.. tsk.. and alrytez.. getting baq to d events of d day.. I got to school.. was really really exhausted and all. I cud bearly open up my eyes. And.. during A Maths lesson.. I was partially sleeping and partially day dreaming.. I didn't even pay attention.. Alhamdulillah I cud understand what was taught from the notes given. And then, Ms Lui called my name and I was so blur! Itz rather obvious that she caught me daydreaming.. lolx.. at least i wasn't sleeping or doodling on the table again! She was lyk.. "Farzana, do you understand?" sumhow.. i thought she caught me sleeping n it directly gave me the thoughts that she was asking if I was sleeping or daydreaming or anth else that's related to not paying attention. I den replied.. "huh?? no!" n plus.. i replied that confidently.. lolx.. felt so stupid when i realised that her question was sumting else.. she was surprised with my answer also and she was lyk.."no!?" n i was lyk.. "huh??? ouh ok.. yes yes yes.. sori sori sori" i can't believe how blur i can get. lolx.. ouh ya.. ms saffiah wants to show us that she cares for us but her sarcasms are lyk so urgh! yeh.. dey r not contructive at all lorz and seriously get to our nerves at tyms.. tsk.. went to school with the idea that Mrs Cheong had really left us for good.. and suddenly I saw her n i was lyk.. "huh!? wad she's doing here??? am i hallucinating or wad" n dose ppl ard me were lyk.. "y?" n i was lyk.. "thought she left us for good?" dey were lyk.. "wad do u mean?" i was lyk.. "she retired wad.. right?" dey were lyk.. "ur head lar! since when? she went for courses lar goon!" i was lyk.. "serious!? damn celestine.. anyhow pass info. to me" i was stupid enough to believe oso.. lolx.. lyk was asrul always say "tipah tertipu" sumhow.. i find that term really annoying.. for no reason but ya.. ouh ya.. after school.. went to visit my beloved grandfather once more.. he was better.. alhamdulillah.. and he got home already i suppose.. he told me yesterday dat he's discharged today so ya.. i didn't get d tym to call him as i was too busy.. tink i go to his house tmr.. at least itz sumting.. well.. insya'allah i'll go there.. it really hurts to c him suffer the intense pain from d operation. haiz.. n he alwayz complain dat he has difficulty breathing and dat worries me more.. n ya.. d ting i almost cried abt was when he said to me.. "feel my hands and feet" i touched them and i was lyk.. "so cold.. tink u need to use the blanket" i smiled at him and helped him out.. n den he looked at me n he was lyk.. "itz not because i am feeling cold.. if d body part of sum1 gets cold, it means dat d person is dying" once i heard dat.. i was lyk.. "sheesh.. dun say such tings.. death is only decided by Allah swt" i turned ard as i felt lyk crying and plus.. I didn't want him to c my tears flow. I didn't want him to worry esp. caz his condition was pretty bad.. haiz.. i was d only visitor ar at dat tym. my grandmother only arrived at abt 5.. yeah.. 5.. n so.. while waiting for her, we chatted all d way. he gave me very good advices and i felt so touched when he reminded me of my ambition of becoming a gynaecologist. i was touched as i didn't tink he wud remember dat.. n we talked abt Islam and MUIS and also abt my grandmother's 14 days stay in American Hospital. I didn't know that pressing on ur bruises.. n if it gets worse as in.. if d blood blots burst or break apart.. and dose blood r poisonous and once it spreads to d other parts of d body.. u'll be semi-paralysed.. as in u'll be really really weak ar.. n it happened to my grandmother.. i was really shock.. tsk.. kayz.. after dat.. i went home abt 6.30pm as i had to reach home before Maghrib. As a Muslim female, I'm not supposed to cum home late. and plus.. I hafta respect my parents as itz kinda my curfew to cum home before Maghrib unless important. I really respect my parents on how dey actualy managed to bring d 3 of us up.. Dey must've been thru lotsa pain.. well.. comparison to lyf as NCO.. we didn't noe how our ma'ams suffered until we ourselves went thru it.. so.. it goes d same for parenting. All i noe.. my parents rawk.. hehex.. newayz.. den i slept late.. struggled as i tried to finish up d e maths hmwk. n den in d end.. my mum wrote a letter to mr yong stating dat i need an extension since my grandfather is very ill n stuff. Thx mum! I luv u so much! Best mum of all tyms! Newayz, went to school today and it was fine.. pretty ok.. despite sleeping late yesterday.. I managed to stay awake.. n ah well.. nth much happened today. just dat we had npcc n sum1 was lyk acting d leader of all of us.. act good ar.. u noe.. power hunger.. n sucking up n all.. dunno howta mind her own business.. tsk.. no lyf.. n i so noe abt her hating me and all.. honestly.. i dun give a shit abt it.. i live my own lyf n i rule it.. she has got no rights.. only Allah swt has d rights.. Newayz.. den I got home feeling rather tired.. our item for pop gonna rock it all! whoots! our squad so multi-talented.. in sec 1.. we did acting.. sec 2 we danced.. sec 3.. we singing! woohoo! multi-talented.. lolx.. -ego- newayz.. n den i chatted with asrul junnow.. his ego damn big ar.. tsk n ya.. was so funny ar d conversation.. we ewre practically crapping throughout d whole conversation.. tsk.. asrul.. i sill haf not recovered from d big shock.. lolx.. crazy dude.. kay larz.. i'm really tired now n i still hafta wake my sister up.. supposed to lyk 30 mins ago but hu cares.. d tym now is 2:03am.. gotta end off.. assalamualaikum.. insya'allah i write once every 2 dayz.. =)

2005-06-27T23:00:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum.. Well.. I'm baq here again.. I'll try to update my blog as often as possible though I can't promise that I definitely will update everyday or once in 2 dayz tho i WILL try.. kayz nvm.. wad am i crapping? if u dun geddit.. juz 4get abt it.. ah wellz.. I dunno watta say but I lurve my blog n I'm lyk getting all excited abt my blog and all.. yeh.. my blog no virus right.. hmmx.. at laz.. nad, u got me all paranoid abt d virus tingy.. phew! i cud've cried if my blog got virus caz dis is d bestest blog i've ever done.. lolx.. but itz true ar.. d bestest blog ever.. i lurve my blog! yay! i really love it! hmmx.. from d start i've been saying dat.. okay ar.. lemme update u on stuff.. kayz.. school started today! yes.. today.. u noe.. today.. lyk today! yes! okayz.. i'm definitely crapping.. in my hyper mood ar.. so understood ar.. ah wellz.. I'm actually very tired right now but still hafta study for my tmr's History test.. yehz.. bet itz gonna be hard.. ouh god! I dun wanna fail a single test.. Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku.. plez help me with my new semester.. i wanna live a new lyf.. yes.. a start of a brand new life.. hehex.. ouh manz.. was reading my previous blog posties.. I was so hot-tempered.. hehex.. I actually vented my anger on d screen.. lolx.. ya lar.. correct wad.. caz I merely blurted out everything by typing dem out n post it as a blog tingy.. so ya lar.. vented my anger on d screen.. stupid ting to do huh.. tho i noe i do stupid tings almost everytym.. ouh manz.. i was so sengeted laz tym.. hahax.. now i'm lyk so lurus.. hahax.. kayz.. u gurlFRENZ of mine shud noe wad i mean.. lolx.. syukur alhamdulillah.. I'm so glad dat Allah swt opened up my heart and now.. I haf much much more interest in Islam.. itz a sudden ting I noe.. my type of music went from metal rock to nasyid.. lolx.. I find it a surprising sudden ting too.. itz lyk 2 different worlds of music.. tsk tsk.. ouh yehz.. from revealing clothes to with head scarf.. hmmz.. i sure changed a lot.. from a gothic crazy sesated moronic rocker to wadeva i m now.. lolx.. ouh.. ya allah.. syukur alhamdulillah.. ah well.. hmmx.. nth interesting happened ar.. my cousin got engaged last Saturday.. it went well.. went home and went online asked Asrul abt d muslim youth organisation (phew! at last i managed to pluck up my courage).. dunno y but everytym he calls or wadsoever related to him.. I get so tensed.. as in really really tensed that at tyms.. I find myself not breathing.. lolx.. dis sounds wrong but ya.. lolx.. i dunno y oso but i will sort of becum really tensed and den i felt lyk i was panicking but sumhow.. i sounded juz fine.. hehex.. act cool ar liddat.. alah.. i c him oso i act cool.. lyk completely ignorant of his presence gitu.. lyk act cool.. erm.. u geddit??? if u dun.. nvm.. hehex.. ah wellz.. ermx.. yesterday was lyk practically doing hmwk for d whole day.. damn tiring.. yehz but hafta ar.. budden teacher never collect today.. lolx.. how silly of me to actually go to school with the thoughts that i was so dead for not completing my assignments and all.. yeah.. i made a complete fool of myself in front of myself.. yeh.. kayz.. dat sure is a stupid thing to say but yeh.. hmmx.. me now chatting with that moron.. he's talking fresh junks.. he's hyper mood.. where all d junks started.. tink i shud juz ignore his moronism.. laz tym was on lesbianism now on soccer.. crapz lar he.. toothead.. wadeva asrul.. wadeverrrrr.. he ended d conversation with "sebelum tu.. kirim salam kat matair ko eh" which translated in english.. means.. "before that.. send my regards to ur bf" lyk wth.. crazy dude.. i'm lyk so single.. tsk.. lyk wadever asrul.. newayz.. i oso noe dis guy by the name of Hafidz.. a gr8 guy he is.. really gentleman kinda guy and ya.. very sweet n polite too.. I say all these doesn't mean I'm falling for him ar.. he's only a fren.. yepz.. and dis is a fact! i'm saying dis to all d no lyf ppl out dere! hinting to my frenz.. lolx.. i feel kinda bad dat i actually can't go out with him.. my schedule very tight lerz.. i'm still trying to manage my tym well n i believe i can do it.. i'm glad he understands.. thx, fidz! so sori! kayz.. i dunno watta talk abt.. i'm pretty tired right now.. still hafta do a bit more revision for History.. till d next post of the next chapter of my new lyf.. assalamualaikum..

I'm practically blurting out every single ting datz in mind..

2005-06-25T12:05:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum.. Itz been so so so so.. in fact.. too long since I last updated my blog.. so ya.. I'm gonna haf a fresh new start for my blog I suppose. Newayz.. I've been terribly busy.. I bearly haf tym for myself to even haf tym to blog. Yepz.. My lyf has changed drastically. I kinda lyk my new lyf so much more. I feel gd and I'm really starting to love my lyf and everyone around me. The passion I haf for lyf is really amazing.. and it all happened suddenly.. yes.. suddenly. I don't even know how myself. Maybe Allah swt opened up my heart and yes.. I lurve my religion lots. I'm proud to say I'm born Muslim and I'm really proud to say that I come from a gr8 loving passionate Muslim family. My mum and dad.. they rawk my world.. I lurve them so much. Without them, their love, care, concern and guidance, I'll never get to be whoever I m ryt now. In fact, I don't suppose that I wud even getta feel it. The strong love feelings I develop for my family, religion, Allah swt and the ppl around me is.. I myself don't know how to explain. I know and I still remember my past. I wasn't huever I m.. I hate my past.. not say hate.. just really really dislike. I was a bad gurl. When I say a bad gurl, you should sumwhat know what I mean.. rebellious and all. I prolly vented my anger on everyone. Hmm.. well, I lurve the new me and I hope everyone else too. My siblings.. they light up my life. Even though I can be pretty annoyed with their attitude at times, I still lurve them with all my heart. My brother.. he's a big rascal. alwayz up to not some, but a lot of mischief. And as a sister, I obviously understand that he was just trying to attract attention and I respect that. Newayz, he's just a typical 10 yr old kid.. lolx. My sister.. hmm.. Alhamdulillah I can still tolerate her nonsensival vainity.. Lyk wad guyz wud say.. "gurls.." Tho I'm not a guy, I know that.. I'm not a chauvinist who only hangs out with gurls even tho I cum from an all-gurls school. Hey.. I came from a mix primary school.. so it isn't that bad huh.. In my journey of discovering more about Islam, I met new people with different perspectives of life. The first pit stop.. lolx.. no lar.. the first person is Asrul.. yepz.. Asrul.. thanks to him.. I started to develop more interest in Islam and especially Muslim youth welfare. yepz.. I develop this strong sense of love and interest and compassion towards my religion. Things I didn't know in the past.. thru his "speech", it actually encourages me to find out more about Islam. I hope my journey in discovering Islam is blessed by Allah swt. My parents have given me their blessings. And so.. it motivates me more and sumhow, I know that sumwhere deep inside.. I will not disappoint them esp. my mum. She's the best mum in the world! Newayz, back to topic.. my other pit stops.. a lot of dem.. n now.. I've met more people thru the project on Ramadhan Youth Challenge. Thanks to Hafriz or I'll never even have a feel of getting committed to such project. The meeting held yesterday was great. Thanks to my grpmates. Despite me being a new member, I didn't feel left out. Tho I did feel anti-social at first. I cudn't engage myself to any conversation since I'm like so new. But as soon as we get ourselves into the project, I realise that I was getting the hang of it. I felt so touched that you all didn't make me feel left out. Thanks a lot y'all. May god bless you.. Hafriz, Ridhwan, Hanisah.. And Nurul aka Nunu, thanks for alwayz making me feel that I'm part of the team.. I realise that this postie is getting kinda emotionally involved and itz lyk as if I've just won a grammy awards and I'm lyk mentioning ppl's name for their own credits.. lolx.. Kay larz.. newayz.. hmm.. lemme update on what has been happening during this June holiday which I dun call it a holiday at all caz I'm going for school stuff almost every day.. lolx.. Well, besides my journey in discovering Islam, I had my NPCC stuff to fill up most of my holidays. Well.. from 3-5 June, I had Adventure Training Camp (ATC).. It was really fun tho I was terribly ill.. Lyk wad I used to say.. I'm not fated for Pulau Ubin.. lolx.. n noe wad.. my squaddies ar.. they kept asking where Asrul was lyk sum no lyf morons.. n den he came on d 2nd day when I was slacking with my beloved casualty squadmates.. CS squad according to Asrul ar.. I was in my hyper mood ar n den suddenly.. Atiqah was lyk.. "Farz! tgk tu!" I smangat2 turned ard n hahax.. jeng jeng jeng.. pop goes d moron! Asrul lar.. n he was lyk with us, d casualty squad.. on d 2nd day.. a lot of tings happened lar.. n ya.. after campfire.. i wasn't shutting my eyes n he was lyk "dun close ur eyes or u'll feel dizzy".. it was after d run from d sec 2 campsite to ours ar.. but i wasn't closing my eyes.. i was lyk distracted with my sweat which was lyk shower n so i was trying to blow d sweat away lyk sum moron.. lolx.. newayz.. i'm having migraine now for ur info.. my brain gonna burst with d piles of hmwk.. itz not laz minute hor.. itz caz really been busy.. haiz.. and on d 2nd week.. had NCO Camp.. that was when hell started.. it was really demoralising.. yes.. really demoralising.. budden.. at fers I was cursing n swearing the WCIs.. budden.. I actually realised that them demoralising actually helped me a lot. I then tried to strengthen myself and I actually managed to prove to them that I'm not all weak and I know I can make it thru! I was so proud of myself. I was amazed how I actually managed to pull thru as by right.. I wud have been seriously ill due to low blood pressure. That Geraldine Mok! I've no commentz abt her lorz.. I was seriously pissed with her. yes.. very pissed.. She doesn't need to make me feel useless just by saying things.. I was seriously ill.. I am mentally strong kayz.. itz just that I'm physically weak. I wasn't like that.. ask my squaddiez.. I was very very strong.. yes.. and I really mean VERY strong.. until.. I haf low blood pressure. We, low blood pressure victims, can't do anth abt it.. all we can do is to take our medication n to hope to recover asap.. Haiz.. and another thing dat happened was lyk d Hannah dun wanna fall during the trust fall.. everyone was lyk "patiently" waiting.. actually it was really very patiently waiting.. yepz.. hahahaha.. dat incident.. tink itz not gonna be erased from my lyf history.. seriously very unforgotten.. hahax.. okayz.. letz get to d 3rd week.. alryt.. i had Leadership and Mentoring Skills Course (LMSC).. it was d FUNNEST NPCC course I've ever been to.. hahax.. it was d funnest n slackiest.. yepz.. My grp.. Grp 5 rawkz!!! woohoo!!! and d unforgotten incident is when we had to memorise one another's name.. and then I volunteered to say out all d names ar.. n I managed to say everyone's name.. actually it was lyk.. I merely memorise everyone's name according to d seating arrangements.. hahax.. lyk going down the list lyk dat.. PJ oso did dat.. hahax.. gr8 minds tink alyk yeh! =) The PT was damn slack.. it was so fun to run around d lake.. yeh.. caz while running.. can oso enjoy d beautiful scenery of the lake.. whee! ouh manz.. I passed the test by luck.. not knowledge.. I studied but NTH cud get inside my brain.. hahax.. so ya lar.. it was by luck.. Alhamdulillah I passed.. I did put in effort newayz.. juz dat I cudn't recall a lot.. hahax.. Syukur Alhamdulillah I passed.. and on d 4th week.. I had Police Knowledge Course.. it was d most boring NPCC course I've ever attended.. d whole of d thing was on LECTURE, LECTURE, LECTURE.. "fun" ryt??? And that old ah pek lecturer.. he was lyk damn lame and boring.. and damn bias n his critism are lyk so NOT constructive so it wud hurt d person in sum way or d other ar.. He was lyk damn freaking lame lorz.. I can't stand him.. not even d sight of him.. tsk.. and ya.. now.. every single camp n course is over.. I'm now here! trying to get all my assignments done.. dere's a lot n i can't seem to complete dem caz I'm seriously having migraine ryt now.. yes.. a very very bad miragine indeed. Ouh manz.. tink I'm lyk typing so fast.. I'm not even looking at d keyboard.. eh.. how cool can dat get.. whee! hehex.. I've mastered d arts of typing without even taking a glimpse of it.. yay! another achievement.. Alhamdulillah.. okay larz.. I g2g off now.. tink I wanna change my blog skins.. I can't really be bothered with my assignments for now.. having migraine.. gotta rest for d moment.. I'll get my hands on my assignments n den hafta head down to my aunt's place as my cousin is getting engaged.. And noe wad.. my cousin is lyk ONLY 21 i tink.. or izzit 22.. ouh manz.. hu wud care.. both lyk so close n datz considered early and ya.. HE's getting engaged.. itz a HE.. dun u tink itz lyk practically far too early for a guy.. if a gurl no probz ar but guy??? sheeshness.. ah well.. I really hafta end my postie here.. I realise dat I've talked too much.. alryt den.. Assalamualaikum..

Wassup dude?

2005-03-08T12:32:00.000+08:00

Having Lit ryt now.. we hafta create poems and I'm so writing craps.. I luv Lit but I'm so not a Lit student.. wakakaka.. Mrs Hoe read my poems and I bet she's wondering what shit I was writing about.. ahaha.. I can't seem able to go my brain to work.. yeah.. Lit Lit Lit.. oh ya we haf to write abt dawn.. haha.. i swear I wrote craps.. Here's wad I wrote:

Rays of light shine across the horizon
Birds chirping in the trees break the silence
Flowers bloom with gay
As the trees sway away

There he wakes
Coping with the rushing hours
As some others snore away
He hopes to achieve wonders

Hahaz.. datz so craps lorz.. aiyerz.. ah well.. I've not updated my blog for lyk so long.. Sec 3 lyf veh busy mar.. haiz.. eh, If I haf tym then I'll try to update abt OBS lar k.. OBS is lyk long tym ago.. dotx.. ah well.. I dunno whether I've made the right choice abt my combinations caz I dun seem to lyk them.. Do I dun lyk dem or izzit the teachers? God noes.. ah well.. I hafta do well dis yr despite my illness.. No way am I gonna give up.. Chey.. Farzana so semangat sia.. ah well.. Lit lesson gonna be over soon.. I'll be having Campcraft test tmr and promo theory test on Thursday. I think I did well for my Commanding.. heh.. seriously.. ah well.. I wanna attain the campcraft badge!! ah well.. I better go off now.. ciao!

Pissified

2005-01-10T20:51:00.000+08:00

For a freaking long tym, I'm finally saying dat I'm pissed with the Sec 4s again! Blardy hell lar.. at fers dey say dat 8 angels from our squad in drills n nw, dey reduced d number n change2 ppl anyhow.. walao eh! n den more over.. i've been victimized! I put in so much effort in polishing my boots lorz! N den.. gotta noe dat I'm in rifle range. Ma'am Fatimah is really pissed lorz caz she already decided on d 8 n when she gotta noe abt d changes.. she went berserk! Duh.. I wud go berserk if it were to be me oso.. Ah well.. Farzana's really pissed off caz she spent her whole Sunday polishing her boots n nw, she has been poste into rifle range! She cannot take d fact dat she has been victimized especially all her efforts being put to waste! Put urself in her shoes n imagine! U will udnerstand if u were to be an NPCCian caz polishing boots not an easy task! Wtf lar! So pissed sia! ARGH!!! Juz hope none of d Sec 4s will be reading my blog.. I can die ar! Was viewing Ayun's blog.. she long tym never update sia.. her posties r lyk damn ancient liaoz.. n den abt d cip at lil india.. hahaz.. still remember her telling me wad happened.. so d veh funny.. cudn't help laughing.. her postie actually cheered me up.. thx ayun.. hahaz.. wth.. ah well.. lemme c hu else's blog i wanna view.. oh ya.. raihan, my class junior's blog d pic damn unique.. aha.. juz finished viewing d ma'ams blogs as in d ex-Sec 4s which is d Euphorianz! Veh funny sia their entries.. especially Ma'am Soon Ying's latest postie.. was laughing my hearts out.. wonder if dey noe I've been sneaking in.. hehe.. I'm evil sia.. ah well.. osha didn't mind.. yippee! OMG! Finally Osha cud figure out on how to use the html.. oh my godness.. congrats osha! u rawk as ever! osha's blog darn farnie sia! d conversation in d library.. reading n laughing oso.. check it out! ma'am indah is damn sick.. can't believe i got wad m.soon ying said.. i'm smart! hahaz.. hey.. i miss d euphorianz so much sia.. ever since iphegenia took over d unit.. it went upside down.. jumping off d ceiling.. inside out.. stranger to dis feeling.. got no clue wad i shud do.. hahaz.. ah well.. omg.. ug promotion.. laz yr's ug promo rawkz.. haiz.. i really miss it lotz.. can we turn back d tym.. haiz.. was with osha n had so much fun.. haiz.. guess i shud end d entry b4 i start crying.. gosh.. stop being so emotional farzana! blwek! i still can't stop laughing from reading osha's blog.. wahahahahahha!

how i noe!?

2005-01-08T13:32:00.000+08:00

I did dis test which I came across in Ma'am Kyun's blog n ya.. i'm painfully ignorant.. hahaz.. Can't be bothered ar.. i did d test out of boredom u c.. but seriously, Ma'am Kyun n Ma'am Osha got gr8 blogs.. veh nice sia deir entries.. haish.. dey're cool ppl so I'm not surprised..
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d day u went away..

2004-12-29T21:06:00.000+08:00

Haish.. i can't believe dat farewell is over.. how sad sia.. haiz.. i had d laz hug from kak aisha.. how i wished it was a longer hug! dat m.azrin ar! oopz.. i mean wci azrin.. arh.. wadever.. she ar.. told me off dat i only had 30 seconds left.. wadever lar k! i noe she oso lyks kak aisha.. i oso have a crush on kak aisha lar k! haiz.. y am i avenging my anger here? wadeva for.. hahaz.. ah well.. kak aisha was so rough.. was she hugging me or killing me? or myt as well say she was trying to kill me by strangling me with her skiiny arms.. lolx.. alryt.. i've juz viewed kak aisha's blog! n my name is in it! yay! hahaz.. i'm act. honoured n pretty excited abt it.. tee hee.. wth.. ah well.. i'm act. lyk starting to lyk kak aisha baq.. err.. kak aisha sounds so girly.. letz change it to osha.. sounds lyk a japanese guy's name.. hee hee.. k k.. i'm starting to have a crush on osha baq.. still remember baq den.. i told my squaddies dat osha looks so handsome with her jacket on n omg! she wore her jacket junnow! n she did look so blardy handsome! tee hee.. *shuddup farzana!* alryt.. i hope my obsession will juz stop sumhow.. hey.. i'm starting to feel d loss agn.. sheeshness.. really.. i'm starting to feel lyk breatheless n i'm losing sum1 so important to me.. haiz.. k.. hueva is in ur mind.. i dowan noe.. ah well.. d farewell wasn't dat nice.. but thx to us, fusion! we made it dead nice with our enthusiasm.. FUSION, WE RAWK!!! n seriously, d cheer we came up was kinda cool, can we use it as our squad cheer? tee hee.. ah well.. wanted to take pic with m.kyun but she didn't want.. aiyer.. she tinks she'll spoil d pic.. plez ar m.kyun.. u're handsome k.. lolx.. wad d heck.. can't believe dat m.kyun act. wore a red girls' shirt.. not bad huh.. took pic with m.farah! yay! she's my 3rd fav. ma'am mar.. m.kyun 2nd fav. ma'am but no pic.. so sad sia.. she tinks itz nth but i tink itz SUMTING! suddenly, i'm tinking abt kfc.. i want go eat kfc! kinda hungry! argh!! as if wailing will make me any fuller.. hmm.. wad i juz typed sounds familiar.. oh ya.. osha's letter to me.. hee hee.. wah.. almost everything abt osha sia.. hahaz.. duh.. obsessed mar.. ah well.. climbed d spider web junnow.. n den i didn't noe m.kyun was on top of me n noe wad! i was lyk showing dis pathetic look n saying pathetically.. eh.. ppl on top go down ar.. i wanna go up.. n she gave me d errr look.. lolx.. pai seh manz! ouh.. during d tug of war.. m.diyana was so rough! she pulled atiqah n den i pulled atiqah baq n den ryt.. she pulled me harder sia until i fell n nw.. both my knees have bruises.. aiyer.. m.osha is another rough freak.. she pulled my other squaddiez.. we cud have won but dose ma'ams cheated.. seriously.. dey started cheating when we were winning.. poor us.. ah well.. haiz.. can't believe itz all over.. if osha goes to mjc.. i can c her kinda often! yay! ah well.. guess itz enough for 2day.. ouh ya.. i've found d correct taufik's lyric!

In my mind, I can climb
All the mountains that surround me
My spirit's there where eagles dare to fly
In my heart, there's a spark
That can light the world around me
An open door where I am sure dreams are

It doesn't matter if I win
Or the colour of my skin
Cause the race is all about believing in yourself

And I dream
I can run like the wind
And be strong
When my heart just wants to give in
I dreamI can be the hero that's in me
When I dream, I dream

If there's a timei n your life
When the odds are so against you
There's no defeat, if all you keep is pride
First or last; slow or fast
There's a dignity that makes you
Keep driving on when worlds have come apart

It doesn't matter rich or poor
Or the things you've done before
Cause the race is all about believing in yourself

And I dream
I can run like the wind
And be strong
When my heart just wants to give in
I dreamI can be the hero that's in me
When I dream, I dream

I dream of a moment
That forever will be golden
When the torch is passed
Only dreams will last
That are shared by everyone

And I dream
I can run like the wind
And be strong
When my heart just wants to give in
I dreamI can be the hero that's in me
When I dream, I dream

Despaired... Hingga Akhir Nanti..... Deceived

2004-12-23T22:15:00.000+08:00

In my mind, I can climb all d mountains datz ard me
My spirits dere where eagles dere to fly
In my heart dere's a spark dat collides d world ard me
An open door where I am sure dreams are heard
It doesn't matter if I win or d colour of my skin
Caz d race is all abt believing in urself

(Chorus)
Caz I dream I can run like d wind and be strong
When my heart just wants to give in
I dream I can be d hero datz in me
I dream... I dream...

Dere's a tym in ur lyf when d arts are so against u
dere's no defeat if all u keep it right
Fers or last nor fast
Dere's d dignity dat makes u
To driving on when world had come apart
It doesn't matter rich or poor or d tings u've done b4
Caz d race is all abt believing in urself

(Chorus)
All d moments dat forever will be coming
When d tortures past though d dreams will last
Den is shared by everyone
I dream...
(Chorus)

I typed out d lyrics myself.. how izzit? if u tink got error.. help me correct by mailing me at sporty_gal_90@hotmail.com. yepz.. datz my e-mail.. hee hee.. ah well.. Taufik rawkz n for u ppl's info.. d mrs jones song was meant for me k... wahahaha! -ego- ah well.. lemme updat on wad has been going on. Fersly, my holiday is veh uptight.. juz came back from holiday.. went to johore bahru, mersing, port dickson, kuala lumpur n malacca.. it was gr8! yepz.. enjored myself lotsa.. budden.. i had one bad experience in kl.. i went to d toilet n when i wanted to go out.. i actually slipped n my knee bang onto d tap n i have deep cut.. really hurtz lotz.. i almost cried but i didn't caz itz public.. lolx.. my cousin hu's joining me in tkgs next yr was so surprised to c me n she was showing lyk surprised to c my funny expression.. lolx.. it was damn funny.. can't believe i actually made a fool out of myself juz by trying to control d pain.. lolx.. went to buy obs stuff in kl.. tings r cheaper in chinatown in kl.. yepz.. shud go dere hor! n den.. port dickson is damn freaking boring sia.. over dere.. i only eat slp eat slp.. n den on d laz nyt.. noe wad i did? i played snooker n dart! wah.. i tell it here lyk itz a big ting budden.. seriezly, i can't play snooker.. tried hitting d balls but nth went into d holes.. sum barely moved.. lolx.. oh my goodness! my cousin, mazri.. he's so gd at it despite juz learnt how to play it.. i dunno how he managed to tackle ways on playing it.. sheeshness! ah well.. in malacca.. i saw dis cute guy n he smiled at me! hee hee! lolx.. i'm gg insane.. ah well.. in johore bahru.. we went for bowling n i'm gd at it as usual.. lolx.. jk.. i'm not dat egoistic hor.. ah well.. still remember gg for d np cowling tournament n i managed to cum in top 10 out of d many contestants.. not bad sia me.. hee hee.. i was lyk d only sec 1 back den i was a sec 1 ar n den.. d sec 3s sent so many from deir squad but none manage to beat my score.. fuyoo! i'm gd! hee hee.. -ego- ah well, in mersing.. i went to my relatives' place.. went for visiting ar n it was ok.. my cousins dere rn't dat friendly.. d funny ting is dat when i listened to my discman.. dey were looking at me one kind so i asked whether dey wanna listen too n dey juz stared.. funny sia.. ah well.. n den.. d following day after we went hm.. my sis n my cousin got their school result.. my sis didn't get to tkss! serve her right! she's being such a bitch these dayz! i'm so fucking annoyed with her ego n she tinks she's pretty.. wadeva lar! looks doesn't laz 4eva.. her personality n talent-wise sux.. she's so not talented n she's obviously stupid datz y she didn't even make it to tkss.. kanasai! fuck off u bitch! ah well.. my cuz got into tkg! yay! she's totally different from my sista.. she's innocent n pleasant. how i wish i got a sis liddat.. i'm suffering with my fucked up bitch sista! walao! she's such a bitch lor.. kanasai! kanina beh! i'm so angry! urgh!!!! ah well.. i shall stop scolding vulgarities.. wth.. u noe wad! my sis actually betrayed, deceived n back-stabbed me. she stole away my crush from me! fucked up idiotic bitch! i hate her!!!!!!!! urgh!!! dfgbjndebgyate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ah well.. i really feel lyk crying.. she treats me lyk waste. d guy is lyk more important den me.. she told me off dat she n dat guy doing well n ask me to fuck off! i neva do anth lor! wadz her big fucking problem sia! walao! kanina beh! so fucking pissed lor! haiz.. my own sis treats me dat way.. i'm really hurt k.. i act. feel lyk crying.. haiz... sobz... sobz... sobz.. i can't believe dat tears up welling up my eyes.. my own sista haiz.. i'm losing her.. i noe.. i was trying to get tings well with her but she making it worse.. i dunno y but i'm really hurt.. i dun wish to lose my sista.. d only sista i eva had.. i'm lyk crying nw.. how caz she go for sum1 she has juz met n leave her sista behind.. i've been dere for her thru thick n thin.. helping her with her studies n problems n she's pushing me aside juz liddat.. i'm deeply hurt! i can't believe it.. haiz... sobz... sobz... sobz... i'm really crying.. omg.. ina.. if u're reading dis.. i seriously dunno y u're treating me dis way.. itz bliss n it hurts so much. y u're pushing me aside n gg for d guy whom u dun even noe dat well.. y? i'm ur sista u noe.. it really hurtz me when u do dis.. it really does.. after all i've helped u to get thru, dis is wad u repay baq to me? wad wrong have i done? tell me? wad do u want from me? my lyf? i tried to give u everything.. i gave in all d tym.. i can't believe everything has not bee appreciated n returned with betrays n deceives.. y me u have to deceive? y me u have to betray? y me? d person hu has given u all her love, care, concern, trust, guidance. d person hu has taught u besides ur parents.. d person whom u wanna replace.. tink abt it ina.. i'm ur genuine sista.. d only sista u'll eva had. i cum from d blood u cum from. we have d same blood.. dis is for u..

Indah masanya kita bersama
Tulus kata-kata yang bermakna
Gugur dedaunan masa kita
Sedih setelah diriku kau khianati
Titis airmata yang mengalir
Penderian lamamu takkan kembali
Rasa telah jauh ku susuri
Jalan yang pernah kita lalui
Bersama mu adik
Tiada lagi ucapan mesra tika kau di sisiku
Dan hanya nyanyian mu mengguris di jiwa
Di kala siang beradu melabuhkan tirai masa
Sendirianlah diriku tanpa sinaranmu
Mendunglah hati ini kedukaan kesunyian
Pedih lara yang mencengkam
Menghukum hati ini
Indah yang aku sangkakan
Lamanya pergi
Kedinginan aku kesuraman tanpa kasihmu
Biarlah ku simpan semua ini
Demi kesucian kasih murni
Mungkin tercapai jua hasratmu
Andainya cintamu telah kau temui
Menjadi penggantianku masa ini

read dis!

2004-12-04T19:30:00.000+08:00

Alaz, I'm updating my blog after SO LONG! I noe y'all.. sori lar k? sori k? k? k? hahax.. i noe i'm siaox.. I'm archeli veh d blardy tired after dance practive larz.. hee hee.. Noe sumting! I've came out with lotz of d dance stepz.. yippee! hee hee.. I tink ryt.. I wanna change my template to hoobastank or maybe d lp one oso.. LP RAWKZ Y'ALL! or maybe ashlee simpson! hmm.. ah well.. decide later ar.. k k.. letz get back to d abt atc since datz wad my moronic squaddiez want me to update on! for dose hu dunno wad atc means.. it stands for.. Adventure Training Camp.. itz for npcc ar..hahaz.. npcc rawkz! dun give commentz.. shut up! hush! ah well.. i was veh ill during atc sia.. seriously.. i went hm on d 2nd day.. veh poor ting ryt? AGREE! ah well.. lemme tell u abt d fers day.. We reached dere n den getta noe one another within our own grps more or less ar.. n den.. we had to pitch tents.. i tell u ar! i tink only our sch npccianz noe how to pitch tents.. at fers, i didn't believe my ma'ams but now.. wah! so true sia! d other school npccianz depended on us.. TKGNPCC proud of ourselves! n guess wad.. i pitch d 2 tents my grp supposed to pitch n den, helped other grps pitch.. wth ryt? n den, i seriously tink Chung Cheng Yishun ppl r blardy selfish siaz! can't tahan dem k! haiz.. ah well.. n den after dat.. we had lunch n den, i cooked for my grp n den ryt.. d funny ting was dat when we tried to put out d fire.. it wudn't go off! hahahaha! even d CIs cudn't! funny manz! n one CI got bad breath! lolx... Shut up, Farzana! ooh.. I tink Sir Hong Kai is veh nice lorz! He is k! Seriously.. hahaz.. budden ryt.. got dis gurl.. her name was Patricia I tink.. she anyhow shout at Sir Hong Kai.. crazy freak! can die ar; shout at CI! siaox ar.. ah well.. Surayya crazy abt Sir Alan.. siaox ar.. i hate flirts lorz! eeyew! not my type sia.. Surayya, u muz be blind sia.. n den ryt.. got dis 2 guyz. their names are Zhong Yao & Teck Xiang.. veh nice n Mazni oso veh nice.. d 3 of dem from TKSS.. 'Asyura & I act. had a minor crush on Teck Xiang.. wahaha! but only for awhile.. now no crush.. gone liaoz.. n Zhong Yao is a really nice gentleman guy.. so gurls out dere.. dun go by looks hor! ah well.. n den ryt.. got dis grp ryt.. got dis guy.. he wanted to be superman n so he act. wore his brief outside his slacks.. siaox manz! lolx.. freako! ooh.. dey said d maze was fun n veh dark.. hmm.. too bad for me.. i was ill.. haiz.. k.. i dunno wad else to say abt atc.. letz get to d nanyang girls horizon challenge.. itz a telematch ar n our sch came in 2nd! woohoo! fusion, we juz rawk!we do we do we do-oo! hahax.. n ya.. got dis guy.. his name is daniel ar n den, he wanted to getta noe pj but he added me instead.. weird ryt? yeah.. i starting to lyk him ar budden.. onl frenz.. i still lurve wen an.. my darling.. wahahaha! sori if i gross u out.. ah well.. me n wen an still together2 k.. hahaz.. i veh tired to type ar.. junnow had dance so ya.. i'm exhausted now.. i going change template liaoz.. tataz!

Yay! Yay!

2004-11-12T08:56:00.000+08:00

Alryt.. hee hee.. I'm veh hyper ryt nw caz I got a new hp n hari raya is lyk in 2 dayz tym! Yippee! haha.. my new word.. hee hee.. ah well.. later kena go skul.. aiyer.. so lazy manz! ah well.. I got into d class of d stream of my choice which is bio-chem, pure lit-elect his! yippee! wah.. i'm having stomach upset ryt nw.. wah.. pain wor! ah well.. next yr i'll be in d same class as my classmate Anne Marie.. she's a gr8 person with a mind-blowing personality. I respect her.. Farzana salutes Anne.. I've juz returned from d toilet so I shall continue.. hahaz.. dat oso wanna tell.. hee hee.. ah well.. n I'll oso be in d same class as Surayya, 'Asyura, Sie Hui n Nirosha.. ppl from NPCC! Yippee! hahax.. ah well.. hope we'll pay attention during lessons n not only talk.. hahax.. esp. dat Surayya.. she alwayz got sumting to say one.. lolx.. Su.. take care of ur burger yeah.. wahahaha! I'm so mean.. newayz, my new no. is 91878252, k? okie dokie.. i noe u'll get it.. ciao!

I'm attached??

2004-11-07T09:53:00.000+08:00

Whoopie-doo... itz me agn.. duh.. no one else wud type my postie for me wad.. I'm lyk down with a bad flu n i believe I'm gonna get fever soon.. sheeshness.. ah well.. lemme update with wad has been happening ar k.. alryt.. prev. postie i mentioned dat i lyk dis guy ryt.. ah well.. we're now attached.. whoopie-doo.. hahaz.. dun laugh.. i juz lyk him so much lorz n i'm sure he does too.. wahahaha! i'm attached! wahahaha! k lame...

Still can remember the amusing tings dat happened during UG Promotion.. lolx..

2004-10-25T16:28:00.000+08:00

K.. itz blardy me agn.. I'll be changing my template soon when I'm free. It has been so long since I last use the computer.. aww.. hahaz.. k.. these dayz I veh hyper.. no wadz.. I noe dis guy erm.. yeah.. my squaddiez noe hu n itz lyk I've been contacting him. I tink I'm starting to lyk him lotz.. sowie dearez squaddiez for denying it to y'all.. I oso denied to him k.. hahaz.. unstr8.. hahaz.. wad a joke of the century.. I'm lyk straighter than the metal ruler which is SO str8 lorz.. hahaz.. k k.. I'm now in the com lab and I'm freezing caz the temperature is darn low.. let me gauge the temperature.. erm.. abt 18-20? hehe.. i dunno.. it might be more though caz I'm sum1 hu freezes easily but I can't stand d heat more though.. hee hee.. I'm not gu nyang.. I'm juz being me n I'm juz liddat.. hee hee... Wheeness.. sheeshness.. dis come lab is freaking cold.. gonna freeze to death. Ah well.. the reason i'm in com lab is caz I was watching Ella Enchanted with PJ, Sam, Rebecca n my junior, Zahidah. Itz my disc but I've not watched it.. Today's d fers tym I've ever watched it n itz lyk I bought it long tym ago.. hahaz... I'm now consoling PJ abt sum s-j tingy while posting dis.. poor gurl.. confused.. hahaz.. dun expect me to post the probz here.. I'm nyc to ppl.. hahaz.. agree pwease.. hahaz.. ah well.. PJ is really bugging me by saying dat she doesn't get all my explanations n examples! CONCENTRATE PJ.. aiyo.. k.. shall be nyc to moi dear squaddy.. ah well.. my exam grades r ok.. wheeness! hee hee.. my stream of my choice.. WAIT FOR ME!!! hee hee.. Bio-Chem, Pure Lit, Elect His.. woohoo! hee hee.. alryt.. I dunno wad else to say.. now is lyk fasting mth but I'm not fasting caz I'm having my mthly tingy.. whee! Dis PJ ar.. so many tings to ask manz.. n den, now, she can even tell me.. "Wait ar! I play dis game fers!" moron ar dis gal.. I was lyk waiting for her to say sumting. Now she cannot believe dat dis particular sum1 is playing hard to get with her. N den, she can even say dis particular person is so innocent.. WADEVA PJ! hehe.. u noe.. even I was not those kinda play hard to get person until sumting happened.. hahaz.. k larz.. now dis gal talking abt dis yr's pop.. hahaz.. d husband n wife game.. moron! Eh noe wad! I still can remember d funny sweet memories when Kak Aisha, me, Su, M.Indah, M.Fatimah n dis another ma'am. Was it M.Syafiqah? Err I tink so.. ah well.. it was d day before wad ar.. erm.. UG Promotion tingy ar.. n den.. we were under pioneering. It was so fun. Su n me didn't do nething caz we knew NTH abt lashings.. hahaz.. so we were lyk servants helping to buy n take stuff.. hahaz.. but it was seriously so fun probably caz Kak Aisha was there.. hahaz.. no larz.. it was damn funny ar the experiences... M.Diyana took Kak Aisha's pinafore.. attach it to dis wooden rod tingy.. err d one for campcraft.. wad ar.. err..sheesh.. was izzit.. ouh.. upright! aiyer.. dat one oso can 4get.. how to become campcraft team.. hahaz.. ah well.. n den M.Diyana was lyk making it a flag n she was hanging it at d fence facing TKSS.. hahaz.. n she was lyk running with it making it look lyk a flag.. how cute.. n den erm.. during d UG Promotion tingy.. hahaz.. guess was! I caught M.Indah staring at Su! n den, Su juz didn't wanna believe it but she was happy lar caz she used to have crush on M.Indah.. but now, M.Indah with sum1 else n it didn't affect her at all caz now she lyks M.Shearer! ah well, letz get back to the story.. ah well, n den, during that day ryt.. after the promotion tingy.. we're supposed to unpack n den ryt.. M.Hidayah n M.Tiara wanted to try sitting on the swing which was built by the pioneers except m n su.. hahaz.. duh.. we knew NTH bout lashings even till now.. hahaz.. ah well.. n den, when M.Tiara sat on the swing, nth happened. But when M.Hidayah set on it, d swing almost broke.. HAHAHAHA! it was damn funny n we cudn't help laughing. n den ryt, Kak Aisha said dat M.Hidayah was too heavy but M.Hidayah said she noes she's heavy but itz juz dat d swing is not gd. N den, Kak Aisha was lyk boosting her ego by saying dat how can d swing not be gd caz SHE was d one hu built it.. wadevaness manz.. hahaha.. so funny... ah well.. n den, during the UG Promotion oso ryt.. as no one wanted to memorise d lashings tingy, I actually volunteered to memorise. N den, got one of the lashings ryt, Kak Aisha was lyk semangat explaining but she explained wrongly.. n I was lyk.. wrong lar ma'am! n i explained n den, she paiseh liaoz n den she was lyk.. how wud i noe! u're d one hu's suppose to explain.. hahaz! n den ryt.. d highway man's hitch.. kak aisha was lyk so semangat demonstrating how to tie it n den, M.Fatimah was lyk.. eh, wrong ryt? n den, Kak Aisha was lyk.. shuddup lar.. i 4got lar.. looks sumting lyk dat can already lar.. hahaz.. n den, we started laughing lyk wat.. hahaha.. Kak Aisha was d funny one during UG.. she's so semangat manz. Besides her, I was oso amn semangat ar.. by promoting, I actually kept shouting dat itz fun n u can experience new stuff n den, Surayya interefered by shouting.. FREE UNIFORM! HAHAHAHA! n den Kak Aisha was lyk looking at her one kind n Kak Aisha asked her.. eh, u join NP caz of the free uniform only ar? n su n i started laughing lyk idiotz! N den, got dis particular sec 1.. she was lyk saying to Kak Aisha.. I want to join NPCC but later become very dark! N Kak Aisha was lyk.. where got! pointing at surayya, Ma'am Fatimah n Ma'am Syafiqah n said dat dey were fair. N den, pointing at me n Ma'am Indah she said.. dey r naturally dark one! I was lyk.. oi! I was naturally fair k! n den, Kak Aisha was lyk.. shh! want to promote ryt! hahahaha.. den, Su n M.Indah was lyk laughing.. so embarrassing k.. hahaz.. ah well.. I better end my postie here.. I wanna change template.. check me out!

Dis is short caz I'm pissed... sowie...

2004-10-16T20:17:00.000+08:00

Alryt.. dis is lyk the post after so long.. I've been busy.. not ppl's problems wad.. exam is over but now, hafta study for religious class exam.. damn.. why is my lyf alwayz horrible.. haiz... k righttt... I dunno watta do.. I still haf not gotten over the pathetic maths exam paper.. damn.. moreover, itz lyk i msged Mdm Lenny and complained about how bad the paper was n she replied, "The paper has been moderated a lot to make it a lot easier for you all.." Datz wad u call easy? Damn.. if datz wad u call easy.. den, all the TKGianz r stupid ar.. caz majority cried and everyone found it hard.. damn.. I'm so freaking stress ryt now.. I can actually break down at any point of tym.. but I'm trying to be strong.. damn damn damn... I'm so going to break down. Gotta updat on wadeva dat has been happening.. I'm really trying to control my tears.. control control control.. I'm not going to cry.. no no no.. k.. I noe I sound pissed caz i m ryt now.. datz y...

D 4eva deprived me..haiz..

2004-10-11T13:54:00.000+08:00

I dunno watta do with my lyf nemore.. I'm frustrated.. alwayz been.. from one ting to another.. me n sum1 oredi ok but now, sum2 is jealous n haiz.. wadeva ler k! Everything seems my fault.. haiz.. i can't bear it anymore! Haiz.. damn.. I'm lyk left with one more paper which is Malay paper 2, tmr.. haiz.. Mathz paper today sucked! It really sucked! I dunno wadz the outcome! I'm half giving up though.. haiz.. Tink positive.. ryt.. lyk I can at dis crucial part of tym.. I'm really freaking pissed lorz.. The fers tings dat came out of my mouth when I came out of class when Mathz over was "I Wanna Die".. haiz.. I cried all the way while attempting the questions.. dat shows how pathetic d paper was.. yes, it was dead pathetic! Haiz.. I totalyl got no comments anymore! Damn.. lyf sux.. i muz say dat school lyf sux! N while I was attempting the graph question, I was stuck halfway ar.. n guess wad! Dere's dis teacher by the name of Mr Sean, he's d NIE Teacher. He's freaking annoying lorz! He kept looking at my work... I noe lar my paper was half empty.. as in d graph paper was half empty.. not his problem wad! It was the laz question and I had 15 minutes more. I was darn irritated dat I gave him the 'dao' look! Haiz.. the mathz paper was seriously pathetic. I got dis feeling dat I'm gonna fail my exams and I'll be kicked out of the school! Wow! Applause! Haiz.. my mum is so gonna be mad at me. I tried my best k! Pluz, it wasn't a laz minute preparation! I prepared earlier. Itz juz dat the paper was level 10 difficulty compared to laz yr's which was level 8 ONLY!!! How pathetic can it get manz! Haiz.. I'm really annoyed now.. DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! Haiz.. it seems lyk as if I've been jinxed dis yr.. haiz.. totally bad.. TOTALLY.. damn damn damn.. Farzana.. relax.. And erm.. it seems lyk even tho I 4gave dis particular sum1, I can't accept the fact dat I was accused badly. Ppl were lyk saying I'm too forgiving n I shud be a bit more play hard to get but I'm not liddat. Watta do.. dunno y and how but it really breaks my heart to c ppl plead for forgiveness from me.. yeah, it truly does.. Haiz.. dun go awe.. I'm serious.. Even though I 4gave her, wadeva she had done to me still remains deep within.. I'm sori to say it if u read dis.. Haiz.. Ah well, I dunno wad else to expect of my lyf.. hmm.. I seem to be my squad's counsellor.. seriously.. caz moi squaddiez come up to me to talk problems over lyk u noe.. n den, I'll try my bez to help out which have been a success ever since ar.. maybe itz thru experiences.. yeah.. as ppl noe, I'm juz d cheerful but deprived moron.. yeah... k k.. alryt, lyf has been really bad for me especially with the pressures from examinations.. yepz.. n d BIG FIGHT with sum1.. yeah.. ah well, let me tell u wad I saw dis morning. Archeli, Surayya saw it fers. It was a dead snake on the road! It was rammed over by a vehicle.. duh.. And it was disgusting caz it was 'sliced'. Urgh.. shan't talk abt it much nemore.. I tink I wanna go talk to PJ abt sum stuff.. i tink I really shud for the sake of unity of our squad.. k larz.. till next post!

Science examz! Where're d questions on SEX!!!

2004-10-06T10:47:00.000+08:00

Alryte.. I'm now in the school library and I'm tearing caz the Science paper sucked! ARGH!! Where're the questions on Sexual Reproduction & Issues On Sex!!! I'm so freaking pissed! I noe dat I'm been pissed since lyk certain date.. I dunno! I'm juz fed up dat wadever I focused on deeply didn't come out which is lyk the SEX TOPICS!!! Argh!!! K.. Fazrana.. chill.. at least Science is over, yeah.. smile! Heh! Lyk I will.. I juz can't really smile unless I'm with my darling squaddiez. They've been there for me when I needed at least one person but ya.. many came up to me.. datz wad u call FUSION.. Yeah.. FUSION RAWKZ! I noe dat i noe it, u noe it, we noe it, they noe it.. caz we juz rawk!!! k k.. shan't be so ego n start updating blog abt wad have been happening. Basically, lyf sux! yeah.. can't deny dat.. I'm so freaking pissed these dayz caz of the freaking problem which can be prevented if sum1 didn't accuse me!!! WAD THE FREAK LAR! I DUN CARE ABT ANTH OR ANYONE NEMORE! All I care abt is my studies, me n ppl hu cares for me lyk my squaddiez, family, relatives.. they noe hu they are.. yeah.. n hueva dat don't come from those categories, sori but i dunno whether i should type u in.. scared kena scolding by another sum1.. ah well.. I'm freaking pissed.. ah well.. dis is lyk the blog dat I've alaz updated after 3 dayz.. No tym marz.. busy with exam.. n itz lyk exam still on but I got tym to update post caz tmr is lyk only Malay Paper 1.. wad the big deal.. Farzana action seh.. hehe.. No larz.. i tink malay paper 1 is relatively easy to score. And ah well.. the day after is Literature.. wad the big deal seh! I've finished studying for it.. as in I've read both books finish.. so ya.. I sorta can slack liaoz excluding the fact dat i hafta study for maths tho I've studied lotz n ya, malay peribahasa! sheeshness.. k k k.. Farzana.. no problem ar gurl! U can do it! ah well.. n n erm.. letz c.. erm.. wad else ar.. k these few dayz ermz.. obviously I've been ignoring dat particular sum1, dun even bother to smile at her.. y shud i newayz! Hmph! Ah well, I dunno but yeah.. i dunno wad else to say liaoz.. I'm fasting today.. n ya.. I tink I wanna play games but dat Miss Elaine.. haiz.. hope she wun catch me or can we play games in library or do we hafta go to com lab? Own school oso dunno.. itz not dunno.. itz juz dun dare to ask n can't be bothered to ask oso.. heh.. i juz can't be bothered, i noe! I'm lyk suppose to go home early but dun want ar.. no mood esp. after I freakingly am so freaking pissed with the Science paper! DARN!

lyf is so unfair...

2004-10-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. I've been making ppl close to me worry juz caz I'm not being me. I dun smile n stay cheerful as b4. I'm sori y'all.. Itz juz seems to hard for me to smile.. haiz.. I really miss the old her so much.. she changed lotz.. i really cannot accept the fact dat she actually accused me of tings i neva did. She; the person whom I look up to, the person whom I cherish. Haiz.. d person whom I respect.. d person.. d person.. haiz.. shall forget it.. I wud lyk to type dis out but itz in mly.. sori to non-malayz.. "Ku tidak pernah menyintamu untuk megasihiku. Dan apatah lagi mengasihaniku juga tidak sama sekali. Ku sedar sebenarnya kita, tiada pertalian. Cuma satu arah serta satu tujuan mencari keberkatannya. Aku terkenangkan saat manis dulu. Tak pernah kau meninggi suara bila bertanya. Keras... hanyalah luar aku. Lembut... tetap di dalam hati. Mana habis setakat itu. Takku biar berpanjangan. Biar aku berdiam diri. Dengan hati yang lumut dendam. Kau tak usah lagi bertanya... Takku bersuara.." I noe dat I'm going half-senile. Call me crazy, call me blind.. Call me unstr8, call me les.. I dun care abt anth nemore.. Itz true dat I've sacrificed so much for her.. N now, i even sacrificed my feelings n thoughts n d frenship with her for her happiness n to save d friendship which she tries to save.. But yeah.. she'll never c it caz she wun even care.. she said she will care but haiz.. if she's even given a a lyf for eternity, she wun care.. she juz wun. I dunno if I even regret getting to noe her. Haiz.. I dun feel lyk going to the year end farewell.. I juz can't face her nemore caz I dun wish to develop n hatred towards her. Not at all.. if I were to develop a hatred for her, she'll be d fers person for me to hate caz I dun hate anyone. I dun wish to go to school tmr. I really feel weak. I can't concentrate on my studies.. Farzana, u have to try no matter wad.. dun give up.. be lyk the Farzana ppl used to noe.. alwayz game for anything n alwayz determined.. n dat Farzana was a cheerful, happy-go-lucky plus easy-going person hu doesn't despair about losing. Datz d Farzana ppl want to have back.. For the sake of these people, you gotta strive hard, Farzana.. dun give up.. u still have lyf ahead of u.. I got carried away.. talking to myself.. damn.. I've shed enough tears for now. Crying over sum1 hu makes me cry is useless.. I wun gain anything. It'll juz make me more deprived. Every droplet of my tears dat flows, determines how hurt I am. So, since I've been crying everyday especially when trying to go to sleep, dat shows dat I am VERY VERY HURT N SHATTERED. Haiz.. y am i still whining becaz of her.. itz useless.. I'd better stop my post here n continue studying. I'm not gonna continue being lyk dis juz caz of sum1 hu doesn't respect me n expects me to respect her only. Datz so selfish of her! Haiz.. I have to try forget about her! I noe i'm stronger than this. Come on, Farzana!

Wad a DAMN day!!! JINXED!

2004-10-02T23:46:00.000+08:00

i'm totally shattered now. the Farzana then is totally different from the Farzana now. i dun smile n be cheerful n be friendly anymore. Now, i only noe how to walk pass ppl.. no mood to say hi, no mood to smile. i juz dun have any mood for anything. All i can do is to frown. Yes! i noe dat dis seem to be a big change but yes! itz not on purpose, itz juz totally no mood. i'm posting dis so dat ppl will noe dat i'm not proud.. i'm juz not in the mood. i might smile but it might look unsincere. but itz the bez smile i can give for now... damn! i'm so deprived! i'm juz totally heart-broken.. my heart has totally shattered to uncountable unfixable pieces. yeah... try to cheer me up.. itz not impossible n neither is it possible. but there's more percentage on the impossible side... yeah.. itz not on purpose but i juz find it so blardy hard to smile. yeah.. lyk sylvester (singapore idol) laz tym.. yeah... haiz... i'm lyk so deprived caz sum1 accused me of sumting i never did n got me involved in it! eh.. i never mentioned hu n wad the problem is! so stop accusing me if u read dis! i've had enough! argh! i'm ignoring u but i DUN HATE U. i told u dat I DUN HATE U N I NEVER WILL... i mean it den n i mean it now.. geddit! STOP SCOLDING ME! GET A LYF OF UR OWN, DAMN IT! GET A LYF! GET A LYF! GET A LYF! ARGH!!!! if u tink i got no lyf, u speak for ur ownself ar! I'M TIRED OF LISTENING TO U! N I'M SO INGORING U! SPEAK TO THE WALLS! I AIN'T CARING ANYMORE! HATE ME ALL U WANT! I DIDN'T INTERFERE, DAMN IT! N I'LL NEVER! URGH!!!!! ARGH!!!!!! i'm so freaking pissed k! i can't slp becaz of u.. i cry becaz of u.. DAMN IT! Farzana, y shud u cry for sum1 hu makes u cry... if u teraser when reading dis, not my prob... u dun cum scolding me agn caz ppl dunno hu i'm talking abt in here. SIAPER YG MAKAN CILI, DIER YG TERASER PEDASNYER! stop accusing me when itz ur own fault, damn it! i'm pissed with u tho i dun hate u! LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP RUINING MY LYF N AFFECTING MY STUDIES WHICH DETERMINES MY FUTURE, damn it! LEAVE ME ALONE! ARGH!!! do u noe dat i had heart-problem juz now from all the hurt u caused n my heart was terribly aching! alryt... farzana... chill... K, i guess itz better talking abt today's events which were better. archeli, today was a sucky day! totally sucky! m.indah, shafiqah, surayya, 'asyura, pei jun n i went back to school to study ar... m.indah n shaf went to school together.. how cute.. n den ryt.. itz lyk we were laughing n joking until i received sum1's msg n i started crying. n den, surayya was suddenly pressurised.. u noe the veh painful ting dat struck ur brain when u're stress? dat one ar.. n den, she cried. n den, pj was upset abt sum stuff which she refused to tell us abt n she oso cried.. n then, shafiqah was lyk pissed with dunno wad oso.. n 'asyura was pissed with the guy hu kept msging her mushy stuff n calling her n when she picked up, the guy hung up... wad the freak ryt! yeah.. so its lyk.. only m.indah was ok.. she veh quiet ar.. she can survive not talking for 5 mins! i can't even survive for 1 minute k! hahaz.. how coolz ryt.. n den, shaf was lyk singing in front of m.indah. usually, she'll be shy2 liddat.. hahaz.. n then, pj went home earlier than us caz her mother expected her to be home by certain tym. n then, we went home oso ar.. but later than pj ar. shaf sat beside m.indah n both of them were slping. n shaf almost leaned on m.indah's shoulder! how cute!!! lol... we were eagerly waiting for that to happen n asy spoilt it! haiz... lol... n then, when we reached tampines interchange... su, asy n i went another way n shaf n m.indah went another way... n then, when we were waiting for bus 81, shaf msged dat m.indah asked her if she wanna go home early n she said no n they both went out together.. so gd ryt!!! lol.. wad a cute untr8 couple! ah well.. when i reached home, i was alryt ar n was spending tym with my siblings. had a gr8 tym. i was alryt until i remembered abt kena scolding by dis particular sum1. ah well.. i veh slpy n tired liaoz.. gotta end postie here... *yawnz* note the lol.. itz for nth.. i dun laugh at all.. haiz...

so many to tell ar for today...

2004-10-01T23:02:00.000+08:00

Alryt.. I'm going to bed after posting this post of mine. I'm tired liaoz n tmr, still hafta go to school. I go school to study.. i can choose whether i wanna go anot but i'm going caz i can't study at home.. too noisy. Lyk wad our principal, Mrs Loke-Yeo Teck Yong said, your school is your second home. You have a condusive environment here in TKGS for you to study. blah blah blah.. k.. the rest r juz irrelevant caz by dat tym, i wun be listening.. she's juz wasting our tym by dragging her "speech" n expanding wadeva she wanna say by using such vocabz lyk gusto or wadsoeva lar.. u wun expect much from me caz i dun pay attention during assembly. Ah well.. yesterday ryt.. kak aisha read my blog.. he he.. n she tagged oso.. so happy! she tagged, " hey hey. its me, :) whoopee doo. ok. juz wanna apologise if i did hurt u. which i did. so i'm sorry. and i do care. juz dat i dun show it." hehe.. i was smiling when i read dat. caz she cares!!! whee-ness! Farzana veh happy seh... hehe.. duh... y wudn't i be happy sia! my fav. ma'am read my blog n tag sum more wor! hee hee... sum tings r juz better expressed in words n by posting the post.. i cud express how i actually felt abt kak aisha n wad happened to me when she didn't allow anymore form of contacts with her.. it was bad k... ah well... newayz, i was so happy to receive a letter or shud i say a note of thanks from m.kyun. yeah... i wrote to her to cheer her up. I hope she felt better which she did (datz wad she said in the letter). k.. i noe dat suddenly i'm talking abt m.kyun. but she's my 2nd fav ma'am.. budden, i dunno but i tink... m.kyun & m.osha r both my favouritest ma'amz.. together with m.huiping.. they juz rawk my np world.. hehe.. seriously! k k.. n then, today.. shaf was so eager to see m.indah. those 2 lovebirds ar.. really ar... one day never c each other, can die i tink! k k.. maybe not die.. maybe dey wun be able to slp for whole nite.. yeah.. wad a veh romantic untr8 couple! hahaz! farzana says sori to shaf n m.indah! k.. ah well.. budden, when we were walking to the bus stop outside our school, we were surprised to c m.indah, oso waiting for the bus.. hahaz.. tot she waited for shaf.. how sweet......... wah.. shaf veh lucky to have m.indah ar! farzana's not jealous, dun misunderstand... n then, we took the same bus as m.indah which is lyk 31.. duh... m.indah lives in tampines so ya.. obviously we took the same bus.. m. yun ting was oso there. When we boarded the bus, i was surprised to c m. yun ting not sitting with m.indah. lyk as if m. yun ting noes dat m.indah n shaf wanna sit side by side.. hahaz.. how cute! n then.. i was lyk teasing shaf.. i noe dat itz lyk no lyf but i'm juz born to be a moron.. too bad... it was fun teasing the both of them. dunno wad was wrong with pei jun. she didn't tease them both that much. did pj even tease them at all!? as we were reaching tampines, shaf teased me more than i teased her. i noe dat i blush easily lar! hahaz.. budden, the journey home wasn't as nice as last saturday's. laz saturday, was damn fun caz m.indah was lyk using my hp n type disgusting texts n sent to m.osha.. was damn funny. n then, i was lyk curious (as alwayz) wad the whip n cherry for when doing sex.. hahaz.. n then, alaz, it was expressed in words.. thru the letter which m.indah sent to shaf.. how cute! n ya.. i dun find it dat disgusting n i was lyk an idiot begging kak aisha to explain to me n in the end, itz not dat disgusting.. hahaz.. but m.indah is really a chikopek ar.. she ar.. tink dirty only.. until write wadeva craps in my science textbook.. sheeshness.. oh ya! junnow, in school, dat mdm michelle khoo ar! she went to inspect my belt! i noe lerz i break school rules by ripping belt but itz lyk so wad sia! so many seniors do dat wad! n itz lyk i'm only left with 1 belt for 2 pinafores. caz i lost one! how to saw ryt! haiz... i saw next monday for her to check n then, i rip after she check lerz.. i'm not dat stupid! k larz.. i've to end post here caz my mum expects me to switch off computer.. tataz!

Dis is meant to be yesterday's

2004-09-28T13:37:00.000+08:00

K k k.. dis is actually meant to be yesterday's one but I'm only typing today caz my dumb sister didn't allow me to use the freaking computer! Ah well.. watta do.. he he.. had to give in b4 she screams and invites my parents into the room. ah well... i dunno watta say caz i'm blardy bored ryt now.. itz com studies period so i'm lyk in the computer room... duh... budden, we're not learning anth new.. archeli, we're not learning anth at all so ya.. nth interesting ard here.. ah well.. letz talk abt yesterday's event n not today's. Today's event will be written tonite eh.. K... yesterday morning when I was with my squaddiez as alwayz.. erm.. we were going to school n then, funny things happened. We were waiting for bus 76/135 at the bus stop outside Singapore Post.. n we were lyk cracking jokes and Surayya was laughing like a horse... n then... I started to kick like a horse caz a fly was lyk flying ard my leg.. n i kicked to so-called shoo the fly away.. hahaz.. n then.. it was exactly at the point of tym when Surayya was laughing lyk a horse. So there was a combination of horse-laughter and horse-kick.. n we started to laugh lyk sum idiotz caz of the combinations we had. It was darn farnie!!! N guess wad.. M.Indah, Shaf's darling was also there. I bet she was thinking that we're sum retarded morons. Act. I admit we are.. erm.. juz exclude me in.. hehe.. sori to my dear squaddies hu're reading this.. hehe.. Ah well.. Shaf wrote to M.Indah liaoz why we were reacting lyk dat. Itz not out fault those things happened! Ah well.. another incident was also during yesterday morning when we were on our way to school. And then, we were lyk waiting for the traffic light and guess wad! 'Asyura threw the sweet wrapper into my shirt. Me, being shock, screamed at the top of my voices! It attracted lotsa eyes on me. I was so embarrassed that I blushed till my whole face became darn red n I could feel the heat produced.. produced... haha... lyk science liddat.. erm.. nvm.. I'm juz crapping as alwayz.. ah well.. n then, yesterday, I cudn't stay in school to study with my squaddiez caz I had to reach home soon caz my cousin needed my help with her IPW Project presentation.. so ya.. it was lyk she didn't noe how to use power point n i helped her out. N guess wad.. I did everything n she only told me watta do.. hahaz... luckily she put my name fers for credits or else....!!! ah well.. she said she and her frenz owe me a chocolate bar! whee! imagine more than one person giving u chocolates within one day! woohoo! wheeness! hahaz.. i noe i'm a choco-holic but it doesn't seem to concern u wad.. hehe.. hu cares wad i care n wad i dun newayz.. heh.. ah well.. i'm bored to corest now.. i wanna end my post here so dat i can go tag ppl's blog caz they asked me to.. hehe.. n ya! i wanna post sumting into our squad's blog oso!!!